St Albion Parish News
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St Albion Parish News is currently a regular feature in the satirical magazine Private Eye. It is firmly in the Private Eye tradition of featuring a fortnightly column which lampoons the Prime Minister of the day along with their close associates, seemingly written in a gossipy style by an insider. This has taken either of two broad formats. Mrs Wilson's Diary and Dear Bill were supposedly the observations of spouses Mary Wilson and Denis Thatcher respectively. Heathco - A Message from the Managing Director was a motivational newsletter sent to staff of a small company from the boss (Edward Heath, nicknamed "Grocer"), and St Albion Parish News is in this broad style.
The format is a spoof of the Parish Magazine typically published by Churches up and down the country. Prime Minister Tony Blair is depicted as the earnest and trendy young vicar of St Albion, "Rev ARP Blair, MA (Oxon)". Leading political figures are given satirical roles within a typical Anglican community, for example, Gordon Brown is the PCC Treasurer, John Prescott is the boss of the Working Men's Club and the current Home Secretary is Chairman of Neighbourhood Watch. Foreign dignitaries are described as Ministers in other Churches, for example, George W. Bush usually appears in the Parish News each week as "Rev Dubya Bush of the Church of the Latter-Day Morons" (or, in some issues in 2003, the Latter-Day Morbombs), in reference to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Bill Clinton belongs to the Church of the Seventh Day Fornicators. Great play was made in the issue of 4 August 2006 of Bush's greeting, "Yo, Blair", to the Prime Minister at the "G8" summit in St Petersburg.
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[edit] Structure and general tone
The general structure is a message from the vicar, i.e. Prime Minister, plus a few smaller, varying columns. These usually include the Parish Postbag, often containing a letter from a parish member (i.e. minister) complaining about something or other but which is nearly always cut short "for reasons of space" by the editor (in the past this was Alastair Campbell).
In the case of Tony Blair, the current 'incumbent vicar', the message is nearly always a defence of his recent actions which then turns into a self-loving eulogy. Bible passages are frequently modified - if not invented - and quoted to reflect kindly and even reverently on the vicar. The vicar often comes up with a hymn with up-beat slogan words which is usually "Words and Music T. Blair" to emphasise the message. Despite frequent promises of not blaming others it's very common for the ensuing sentence or paragraph to do just that, all under a pretence of friendliness and half-heartedness.
[edit] Current running jokes for the Blair era
The tone of the sketch is set by the magazine's satirical take on the present government and its personalities. The vicar's message always begins with 'hullo', any appearance by Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott features attempts at formal, well-written language but which are plagued by mistakes and misunderstandings of words (e.g. "there have been many alligators made about me"), threats to sue are frequently made by the vicar's wife (Cherie Blair is a leading barrister).
Each week there is an item "To Remember In Your Prayers", seeking understanding for former colleagues who have been dismissed or resigned, for example Mo Mowlem, Clare Short and Charles Clarke, they are depicted as obviously deluded and unwell mentally, hence the need for prayers.
[edit] TV adaptation
In 1998 Sermon from St. Albions, an ITV television series based on the column was shown. It starred Harry Enfield as Tony Blair.[1]
[edit] Trivia
During the run up 2001 General Election, Tony Blair started his campaign at St Olave's and St Xavier's School, during which he was photographed making a speech in front of a stained-glass window, with the choir surrounding him. Several political commentators compared this image to the "Reverend Tony of St Albions".
