Space Corps Directives

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The Space Corps Directives are a running joke from the British sitcom Red Dwarf. The Space Corps is somewhat analogous to Star Trek’s Starfleet and is responsible for the administrative organisation of all space travel in the Red Dwarf Universe; the Directives are a list of this organisation's regulations. They may be a parody of Star Trek’s Prime Directive.

When first introduced, the Directives were used by Kryten to coerce Rimmer into acting altruistically or to highlight the less than exemplary behaviour of the rest of the crew. The normal pattern would be for Kryten to quote the number of regulation and then in response to a challenge would quote the entire regulation to which one of the crew would respond with some pithy comment or other.

Later on, Rimmer attempts to fight back by quoting from the same regulations, but his imperfect recall of the Directives means that he normally quotes the wrong paragraph number and instead references obsure and bizarre Directives that have litte or no relevance to the situation at hand.

For example:

Rimmer: 'That's it, I'm invoking Space Corp Directive 39436175880932/B.'

Kryten: '39436175880932/B. "All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space." Is that entirely relevant sir? I mean, here we are, in mortal danger and you're worried about the Chinese delegates bringing two cars.'

Rimmer: 'Can't you let just one go, I was talking about the right of POWs to non-violent constraint.'

Kryten: 'But that's 75880932/C, sir.'

[edit] List of Known Directives

147. 'Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on permission of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.'

195. States that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crew-members might survive.

312. States that crew members in quarantine must be provided with minimum leisure facilities, which Rimmer takes to mean: 'a chess set with 31 missing pieces, a knitting magazine with a pull-out special on crocheted hats, a puzzle magazine with all the crosswords completed and a video of the excellent cinematic treat, Wall-Papering, Painting, And Stippling - A DIY Guide. ("Quarantine")

592. 'In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be given to whichever officer can programme a VCR.' (PBS ident, also included on the DVD for series VIII)

595. A quarantine regulation. ("Quarantine")

597. One berth per registered crew member. ("Quarantine")

699. States that crew members may demand a rescreening after five days in quarantine. ("Quarantine")

723. 'Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Cleveland.' (PBS ident, also included on the DVD for series VIII)

1742. 'No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.'

1743. 'No registered vessel should attempt to traverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.'

5796. 'No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.'

5797. Has something to do with not letting a crew-member aboard if he may, in fact, be a brain-sucking psychotic temporal lobe slurper, or something of that sort.

34124. 'No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.'

68250 Is never quoted, but is known to be impossible without at least one live chicken and a rabbi.

196156. 'Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.'

1947945. 'A mechanoid may issue orders to human crewmembers if the lives of said crewmembers are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat.' (quoted by Kryten in the original script for "Back to Reality")

75880932/C. 'POWs have a right to non-violent constraint.'

572 436 8217968B. 'At all times show your allegiance to Red Dwarf in the US by picking up your phone and calling your local public television station with your pledge.' (PBS ident, also included on the DVD for series VIII; Kryten complains that Rimmer has just made it up)

39436175880932/B. 'All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space.'

'It is our primary overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home.' (Not given a number on-screen.)