Sketches from Late Night with Conan O'Brien

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The following is a list of sketches performed on the late night program Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Contents

[edit] Famous sketches

[edit] Actual Items

Seemingly a parody of Jay Leno's Headlines segment on The Tonight Show in which Leno finds humorous mistakes in various newspapers. Conan refers that this sketch is somewhat like Jay Leno's "Headlines", and then give a squeaky and lispy imitation of Leno, saying "Hiya, folks! How ya doin?" while shaking his head from side to side. Conan's bit takes regular newspaper ads and stories and adds blatantly fake text, repeatedly insisting "these are real" and "you can't make this stuff up, why would you, that would waste everybody's time." while showing them. For example, an ad depicting a leather living room couch was modified to include a cartoon cow exclaiming, "How's my ass feel you son of a bitch?"

[edit] Celebrity Secrets

Features celebrities in a jail cell, smoking a cigarette and downing hard liquor, usually telling some humorous "secret" previously unknown about them. For example, one featured Michael Caine saying "I was convinced that the 'MC' in MC Hammer's name stood for Michael Caine. When I found out it didn't, I destroyed his career." Another featured Alex Trebek saying he had a "potent potables" problem.

[edit] Celebrity Survey

This is where Conan supposedly sent out surveys to celebrities and he reads off their replies. Usually the first two read off are normal and expected. Then the 3rd is intended to be a gag answer and often relates to something unseemly which the celebrity is known for. For example, to the question: "I like to think of my viewers as people who..." Brian Williams wrote "want to be informed." Meredith Vieira wrote "want to be my friend." Tony Danza wrote "have broken both arms and can't change the channel."

[edit] Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland

The premise of the skit began when Late Night received many angry letters from viewers in Ukraine after mocking that nation in another recurring skit, New Euros, where the joke was an image on a Ukrainian Euro Coin depicting a man in Eastern European dress with four arms, waving, with the caption on the coin saying "Over 17 years after the Chernobyl Accident". [1] Unaware that his show was even airing in Ukraine, O'Brien reads fast-paced insults of each of the nations of the world in alphabetical order [2] to determine where else the show is being aired without his knowledge. O'Brien insults 5 countries (with a bell ringing between each one) each time the bit airs. A sample insult: "Georgia: It's where Europe and Asia get together to dump their trash." Announcer Joel Godard then tells insulted viewers around the world a real address to send their angry letters.

O'Brien's absurdist comedy used for an apology
O'Brien's absurdist comedy used for an apology

An announcer on the Finnish entertainment channel SubTV, which airs the show a couple of days after it is aired in the USA, asked people to defend Finland before Conan got to insult it, and the viewers in Finland began sending mail before the bit had even gotten to the letter F. Conan responded by assuming the Finnish "just couldn't wait" to be insulted and officially insulted Finland in the segment. An overwhelming amount of postcards were sent in that apparently "forced" Conan to give Finland a formal apology. Conan then went as far as to have the flag of Finland shown in the background during a speech and slandering the Finns' "hated" neighbor Sweden with a sign saying "Sweden Sucks!" printed over the flag of Sweden. It would seem that this chain of events led to elevated ratings in Finland and subsequently also sparked a special relationship with the viewers in Finland. This later led to Conan realizing that he bears a resemblance to two-term president Tarja Halonen, which eventually led to a short visit to Finland in mid-February 2006.

[edit] Desk Driving

Originally done with sidekick Andy, Conan now invites an audience member to ride his desk outside with him. He actually is in front of a green screen and he holds a steering wheel. The greenscreen displays scenes of the road and the outdoors. Usually they get into humorous situations on the road. For example, as they went through a rural area, animals "humped" or attempted to mate with him. Green-colored objects are also used to incorporate violence into the bit. (putting green circles onto their bodies to show that they've been shot). A recurring incident since the use of audience members involves driving down the stairs outside the 30 Rockefeller Plaza building (which would be a bumpy ride on a wheeled conveyance), then Conan pausing the bit to criticize his passenger's insufficient bouncing and rewinding the footage to the top of the stairs to re-try.

[edit] Fantastic!

This sketch sometimes occurs when Conan announces future guests. After announcing the first guest, a member of the audience (played by writer Brian Stack) is seen saying that the guest is "Fantastic!" right to the camera with a thumbs up. After Conan announces the next guest, the member does almost the same thing, but ends by making up a word by combining a guest's name with the word "fantastic". In the case of a musical guest, the man might make up a musical lyric. (example: "Wow, Omar Epps? That charismatic scene-stealer is Epps-tastic!" or "[band]? Tell that group, "don't stop the 'tasttic!") Conan then usually says something to effect of "that's not a word", tries to ignore the man and goes on. The man will repeat the aforementioned "tastic" formula for any additional guests. When Conan finishes with the guests and reminds viewers he'll also be doing his usual "hilarious monologue", the camera shows that the man was about to do his bit, but changed his mind. Conan quickly mentions the show's "zany, off-the-wall comedy bits", and the man either already stopped paying attention and/or begun torturing himself. (examples: reading a disturbing or otherwise uninteresting book or newspaper article, drinking bleach or drilling his teeth). Conan then questions the man, asking if he just likes the guests but "thinks everything else we do is crap?" or some other negative adjective. The man will then reply using whatever adjective Conan used. ("Not crap, craptastic!")

[edit] Fake celebrity interviews

This sketch relies heavily on the low-budget filming method Syncro-Vox. A TV screen is lowered down to the seat where the interviewed would actually sit. On the screen is a still image of a celebrity, with live video of the mouth of the back stage impersonator superimposed—because of this method, the fake interviews are also called the "Clutch Cargo routine," after the 1959 cartoon, that is the most widely remembered user of Syncro-Vox. Commonly impersonated celebrities are Arnold Schwarzenegger (who almost always mentions his 'smash hit holiday classic', Jingle All the Way, as well as makes lame comebacks. For example, if Conan told Schwarzenegger, "That's not even a movie!" Schwarzenegger would say, "You're not even a movie!"), George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Martha Stewart (who if nagged by Conan about a point she wishes to dismiss, will begin talking in a demonically deeper voice as her eyes glow red), Michael Jackson, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Donald Trump, Saddam Hussein, Tom Cruise, and Mike Tyson. Most of the impressions are done by either Robert Smigel or Brian Stack.

[edit] Frankenstein Wastes A Minute of Our Time

This sketch is performed before any celebrities are introduced. Frankenstein's monster (played by writer Brian Stack) appears by one of the doors leading from the main set, acting excited about something, and inviting the cameraman (and the audience, vicariously) to come with him to take a look. He makes a long trek around the backstage area, stopping along the way to wave the cameraman to keep following. Invariably, what he finds is extremely mundane like a spatula, although it is usually near something that is considerably more interesting, and Conan assumes that is the item Frankenstein led the camera to. Once Frankenstein found Tom Hanks during the sketch, and moved Hanks out of the way to show off a light switch. (Hanks then immediately reentered the frame to join in pointing out the light switch with great enthusiasm.) The joke format is extremely similar to a shaggy dog story. Since NBC owns Universal, the Frankenstein monster looking like the one from the movies and sharing the same logo in the sketch title as Universal's monster is no coincidence; neither is the sketch also appearing shortly after the buy-out. While this sketch has seemingly been retired, Frankenstein continues to be a regular character.

[edit] Horny Manatee

During the airing of the usual "New College Mascots" sketch, a character called the "FSU Webcam Manatee" was featured. Conan, in an ad-libbed statement, mentioned a then fictitious "HornyManatee.com". The next night, Conan told viewers that the standards department for Late Night explained something to him: if he mentions a web site which doesn't exist, NBC may be held liable for the site's content and NBC is to then purchase the domain name. Conan said Late Night then made the web site, giving it the appearance of a fake porn site. With http://www.HornyManatee.com now operational, Conan asked viewers to submit pictures to the page. Since that night, Conan has periodically given viewers an "update" on the website's status, mentioning its hit count and several fan submitted images, poems, and other media pouring in. Conan also used the updates as lead ins for special, on-stage Horny Manatee segments. For example, saying he was unsure how to do the poems justice, Conan called on James Lipton to dramatically recite the fan-made poetry. Lipton even danced with the Manatee on air at his own request. The next week, Lipton would appear a second time to do the same. In the third week since Horny Manetee's debut, Conan flew the Pittsburgh, PA-based pop-punk duo Rocket Me Nowhere to New York to perform their tribute song "My Hopeless Manatee."

The last time Conan stated site's hit count (Jan. 18, 2007), it was "20 million hits" and counting. In an interview with New York Times, O'Brien has also said that he was overwhelmed at the viewer response.[1] As of December 16, 2006, the site has achieved an Alexa website ranking of about 31,000,[2] thirty times the rank for SaveTheManatee.org (about 937,000),[3] to which Late Night is donating some proceeds of its "Horny Manatee" T-shirts offered on the site.[4]

[edit] If They Mated

Pictures of two famous celebrities, usually believed to be dating at the time, are shown. The pictures are then combined into a grotesque new picture of what their offspring would look like if they mated. The segment became so successful that it later spawned a book. The last item in the sketch is usually the mating of a person and an object or two objects: the resulting offspring usually ends up being an unaltered photograph of a celebrity. For example, if Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were to have a child, it would be Steve Bartman.

[edit] In the Year 2000

The sketch is typically performed after a celebrity guest has been introduced, as the guest participates in the sketch, although during Andy Richter's tenure as Conan's sidekick, he would participate. Each guest version would usually be titled "The [Guest's surname] Edition" with "2.0" added for guests who've done the sketch more than once. In 2006, the naming format was changed to simply " The [guest's name] Edition". Its introduction is as follows:
Conan: "... It's time, once again, to look into the future."
Andy/Guest: "The future, Conan?"
Conan: "That's right, Andy/[Guest's name]. Let's look to the future, all the way to the year 2000!"
During an "In the Year 2000" sketch, O'Brien, Andy/Guest, as well as band member Richie "LaBamba" Rosenberg, each wears a black robe, futuristic-looking collar and hold a lit flashlight to their face. Between La Bamba's high falsetto wails of "In the year 2000...", O'Brien and Andy/Guest alternate delivering jokes, often based on current events, in the form of humorous predictions of what will happen in the year 2000. The sketch was invented prior to the actual year 2000, but the show's writers decided to keep the named year the same, in a sort of ironic twist. It is now intended to imply "in the near future". A compilation book of "In The Year 2000" predictions from the show was released in 1999. Quite commonly, the second-to-last prediction involves Conan mocking his guest, while the last prediction involves the guest mocking Conan in return. This sketch is very similar to one Conan performed with the Happy Happy Good Show in 1988.

[edit] Jerry Butters

Jerry Butters (played by Brian McCann) is a sleazy, brash and talentless talkshow host with his own early-morning talkshow down the hall. His set is bland and reminiscent of a 1970s talkshow with fake palms and dull brown colours. Jerry will interrupt Conan's show in the style of a suburban neighbour who initially wants to just have a friendly chat, but eventually needs a favour or some advice for a particular problem he is facing in his current show. Such problems in the past have included Abe Vigoda dying midway through an interview (after Jerry had asked him which was a better experience, his part in The Godfather or the children's comedy Good Burger). He also invariably promotes his own show by addressing Conan's audience with the line "It's on at four in the morning... so check it out!".

[edit] Movie casting

A fictitious new made-for-TV movie is announced, based on a real-life event Conan has mentioned. Conan then says he has the inside scoop on the movie's casting. Viewers are shown two photos side-by-side of a person or thing who will be portrayed in the movie and the person that will be playing the role. The joke is in how similar the two photos are despite how vastly different the two people/things pictured are or vice versa, with Conan often commenting on how great the casting is. Running gags include President George W. Bush being played by Ralph Wiggum, Donald Rumsfeld being played by Skeletor, and Dick Cheney being played by The Penguin.

[edit] New Characters

Conan tells the audience that it is time for new additions to be added to Late Night's current characters, such as "The Masturbating Bear" or the FedEx Pope (Brian McCann). New additions are often more ridiculous than ones before, such as the Nudist Who Has No Skeleton or the Screeching Raccoon with a Jet Pack. Some are popular enough to warrant a second appearance, though few are actually made into recurring characters. A related gag also exists where Conan promises that he will not waste the audience's time with zany, random jokes, only to introduce a completely zany, random character. Notable characters from this bit include Fidel Castro Rabbit DJ, Cactus Chef Playing "We Didn't Start the Fire" on the Flute and the Oscillating Air Purifier that Looks Like Slash. Another version is "New College Mascots", which feature fake mascots which often make fun of the a real college or its surrounding area. One such skit featured an "FSU Webcam Manatee" which spawned the "Horny Manatee" sketch of December, 2006.

[edit] New items

Conan says he has "connections" which allow him to show "New" (fake) state quarters, Euros or commemorative stamps. The stamps are usually states based on people or current events. The state quarters insult the state they are based on, and the Euros insult the country they are based on. One such Euros skit led to the creation of another famous sketch.

[edit] Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage

A comedy bit in which Late Night staffer Pierre Bernard, Jr. sits in a recliner and relates a story that has recently angered him personally. This tale is always a long, drawn-out personal tale delivered in a soft-spoken tone that usually involves some sort of comic-book, sci-fi-related, or similarly esoteric medium. At the end of his complaint he states "Bottom line, America..." as grabs the handle of the recliner and shifts it back into an upright position to lean forward and point furiously at another camera centered on him to give his final geeky demands on the matter. This is inevitably the point at which the audience and Conan break into laughter because Pierre either has difficulty shifting the recliner or has trouble reading the final cue card when he looks at the other camera. The most famous one involved a complaint about the TV show Stargate SG-1, which led to him getting small cameos on the show.

[edit] SAT Analogies

Conan helps students with their standardized exams by providing satirised SAT analogies based on current events. Although the newest SAT format has dropped analogies, the segment continues to be used in new episodes.

[edit] Preparation H Raymond

In this sketch Brian McCann plays a large eared man, named Raymond, parades down the aisles, passing out Preparation H to Conan's audience. While he possesses a common theme song, chorused by the phrase "Raymond's here to help....oooooooohhh...", Raymond's dialogue content is often related to current events such as the "roid" usage by pro baseball athletes or Thanksgiving, 2006. Often though, the sketch can be seen as a random assortment of ideas, all beginning and culminating with the distribution of Preparation H.

[edit] Puppets

Late Night has made extensive use of puppets since the show's inception. For example, in one sketch, a puppet scientist prepares to drink something from a cup and says "I sure do love my morning cup of coffee." The cup actually contains an acidic substance which melts the puppet's face. In another outrageous sketch, a puppet exclaims to another puppet that she was born with both sets of genitalia. One well-known gag features "Vomiting Kermit," showcasing the Muppet retching streams of liquid from its mouth. Perhaps the most famous puppet, both on and off the show, is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

[edit] The Walker, Texas Ranger Lever

This sketch sprung from NBC's purchase of entertainment company Universal in early 2004, creating NBC Universal. Conan introduced the Walker, Texas Ranger lever, which allowed him to play a video clip from the television show Walker, Texas Ranger at any time he wanted to, without paying a dime in royalties. The clips from the Chuck Norris series were sometimes taken out of context, other times not. A clip example could be something such as Norris karate-kicking through the windshield of a moving car, and Conan would comment on each clip's absurdity after it aired. In late summer 2004, the bit seemed to have been retired as Chuck Norris walked in and fired a prop gun at Conan. Norris also revealed his own lever and pulled it, playing a clip showing him "beating" Conan up with martial arts in the back of the studio. On March 8, 2005, the lever returned to the show. Notably, the premise of the bit was technically incorrect, since Walker was owned by CBS, Sony Pictures Television, and a few other companies; Walker just ran on NBC Universal-owned USA Network at the time. One of the last and most popular clips to be shown was one where a young Haley Joel Osment uttered the sentence, "Walker told me I have AIDS." The airing of these clips subsequently led to Chuck Norris becoming the focus of an ever-growing trend in which people invent satirical random "Chuck Norris Facts." The "facts" tend to involve absurdly exaggerated claims of Norris' toughness, attitude, virility, masculinity, and, at times, outright brutality.

[edit] Sketches on hiatus

  • Assassination - Conan invites a guest who supposedly is privy to an upcoming, well-kept secret, who suffers a simulated death before he can reveal what he knows. For example, shortly before the final episode of Seinfeld, an actor appearing on the show began talking about what the final episode would be about; a few words in, an assassin shoots him in the chest. On another occasion, Conan introduced a man who claimed to be a high-ranking executive with Coca-Cola, who was going to discuss the soda's secret ingredients. As the interview started, the "executive" fell dead after getting hit by shuriken, and a group of ninjas with the Coca-Cola logo on their backs were shown running away from the stage. These sketches have not appeared on the show for several years.
  • Awful Sports Chanter - In response to an upcoming sporting or other spectator event, Conan advises that you should keep chants short and easy to follow. As an example of what not to do, Andy Blitz is then shown in the show's audience, and begins a standard chant for that event while clapping each syllable (such as "Let's Go Mets!"). However, instead of repeating the line, he expands it into a very long chant that begins supportive and usually ends up as a narrative of some sort, occasionally asking the audience to chant along as if it's easy to follow. Conan interrupts the chant to go to commercial as Blitz continues to chant up to the break.
  • Car Chases - Conan explains that television shows' ratings go up when they cut to a car chase in action. He tells the audience that Late Night will begin doing this, however there are no car chases in Manhattan due to traffic congestion. So Late Night stages their own car chases using model houses and toy cars to replicate a car chase. The toy cars are pulled by thin cord as a camera gets a shot that looks like it might be from a helicopter.
  • Conan's Legs - Conan explains how the show is trying to reach out and collect more viewers by taking a page out of the Today Show handbook. He explains that many Americans tune in to the Today Show just to see Katie Couric's legs. He then calls over two stagehands and instructs them to remove the front of his desk, revealing feminine legs. He continues by doing a few camera tricks such as, moving his legs, bouncing a ball, and even shaving them. In actuality, a green screen is present and a woman offstage is being recorded live as Conan is onstage. The sketch stopped sometime before Couric eventually left Today and is unlikely to return after her departure.
  • Guest Autographs - Conan shows the audience some autographs supposedly from guests on his show. In reality, the fictitious autographs are often from celebrities who have appeared in news or tabloids rather than on the program. The messages left by the celebrity often mock something unseemly the celebrity is currently known for or may even mock O'Brien in some way.
  • The Hole In The Floor - A hole on the floor in front of Conan's desk that is actually a special effect projected into the scene. Conan throws objects through it and generally hassles an office worker below.
  • Inappropriate! - Although not seen in recent years, this sketch would usually have a straight man saying or doing something, only to have something inappropriate be said by another character, followed by Brian Stack dressed as a heavy metal singer playing a guitar riff and screaming "INAPPROPRIATE!". For example, a young boy telling his father he hit a home run at a little league game and his father showing him Playgirl magazine and saying, "Check this out!"
  • Krunk - During the first two seasons of the show, beginning in early 1994, O'Brien encouraged guests to insert the word krunk, a fictional expletive with multiple uses invented by the show's writers that "the censors don't quite know what to do with yet," into their conversations. On April 30, 2004, American Idol judge Randy Jackson used "krunked" during the show, but by then O'Brien had no idea what Jackson was talking about. Krunk is not the same as crunk, a slang term used by Lil' Jon and various other hip hop artists as a synonym for the condition one experiences when under the influence of both marijuana and alcohol.
  • Mick Ferguson, The Guy Who's Awfully Proud of his Bullet Proof Legs - long-time staff writer Brian McCann, in a mock-Vaudeville dance, sings "Oh I got bulletproof legs, I got bullet proof legs, oh ya can't hurt me cuz I have bullet proof legs! Oh they cost me a fortune but ya don't...." Invariably, a shadowy figure pulls out a gun and shoots him in the chest, which apparently isn't bulletproof. In the second incarnation of it the same man is standing on the screen and Mick implores Conan to get rid of him because he shot him before. Conan has a security guy come out and check the figure over stating that he doesn't have a weapon. Relieved Mick begins his song and dance again, only to have the Security guy pull out a gun and shoot him in the chest. Another incident has the security guard and a search dog guarding Mick. After Conan calms Mick's fears of the security guard by vouching for him, the search dog pulls a gun and shoots Mick in the chest. The camera then switches to Conan, who looks into it and says, "We're gonna get to the bottom of this."
One of the many bumpers shown right after the commercials on Late Night
One of the many bumpers shown right after the commercials on Late Night
  • The More You Know - These are spoofs of the famous NBC public service announcements. They were used frequently in earlier years, especially when Andy Richter was still Conan's sidekick. These sketches would begin seemingly innocently, but would quickly devolve into parody, usually involving dark themes. For example, in one such sketch, Max Weinberg commands: "Sometimes condoms break; deal with it, missy!"
  • Staring Contest - a famous skit held while Andy Richter still served as O'Brien's sidekick. An homage to the game show Make Me Laugh, Richter (unlike O'Brien) would be subjected to a series of purely physical-comedy skits taking place behind O'Brien, usually insulting and disgusting, which would eventually force Richter to look away. On the last episode Richter served as sidekick, the show subjected O'Brien to the skits instead; this was the only time Richter ever won the staring contest. The two tied after one competition in which, as a distraction, Albert Einstein was inspired by a large-breasted woman in a bikini to add the "squared" to his theory of special relativity, and Andy and Conan joined them in a celebratory dance.

[edit] Other sketches

  • 60 - "60" had been a parody of the Fox series 24. "60" takes the premise of 24 to the extreme: each one second episode takes place in the same minute. The story revolved around Canadian Special Agent Chuck Aloo attempting to protect the Prime Minister from a diabolicial plot involving a sandwich.
  • Ass - introduced in 2006. A scripted conversation between Max and Conan is punctuated when Conan highlights a factual error made by Max. He criticises Max for pretending to be smarter than he is, and Max responds by turning to the screen and stating "well, I guess I know what I deserve." The word "Ass" is then stamped across the screen, accompanied by a voiceover to the same effect; Conan summarises, and NBC's "the More You Know" logo appears. On occasion, Conan or a guest is stamped with the "Ass" stamp.
  • Audience interview - In this bit introduced in mid-2005, Conan says that because he's always interviewing famous celebrities, who endorse their latest movie/album/etc., he rarely gets an opportunity to talk to the audience, which he says he'd like to do. So, for a change of pace, he says he's going to go into the audience, pick out a random member, and ask them some basic question. However, the gag is that the audience member he "randomly" picks is always some random celebrity, who faithfully reveals him/herself when Conan asks what their name is and who always sits on the first seat immediately right of the aisle of the back row in the far righthand section. They also happen to still endorse some product, or even a standard "latest work" as well. Some examples of guests include Ted Danson, Jerry Stiller, Alan Alda, Donald Trump, Mr. T, and Fabio.
  • Audience talent - Conan goes into the audience and selects pre-picked audience members to show their unique talents, but the person's "talent" is obviously faked. Conan doesn't know who the people are going to be, and the audience doesn't know what their talent is until Conan reveals it.
  • Conan and Max hang out - Conan introduces a moment of camaraderie between him and Max, then cuts to a scene of Conan in his dressing room. Max comes in and enthusiastically invites Conan to go somewhere, such as to lunch, to grab a beer, or to shop at the NBC store because it has great stuff. Conan happily agrees, but as soon as the two begin walking together they awkwardly don't speak to each other and look bored. The camera follows them like this down hallways and elevators until they reach their destination, at which point they quickly grab the food or drink and part ways. The destination may involve other sight gags; when Conan and Max visited the NBC store, Conan is seen shoplifting several items.
  • Conan on the Aisle - Originally Conan and Andy: On The Aisle in the shows early days. In the skit Conan reviews movies released in cinemas around the time of the sketch's original airing. He usually comments on a negative quality which is either fictitious or exaggerated by an edited scene he then shows as proof. For example, when Conan was reviewing Jurassic Park III, he mentioned that the movie had scenes that were disgusting and weird. A scene then appeared where a couple ran and were surprised by a dinosaur which opened its mouth to roar. Late Night edited the couple's lost child into the dinosaur's mouth, and the child says "hello" to the parents.
  • Conan sings a lullaby - Conan explains that many viewers are new parents trying to get their baby to sleep and he will help them, so he begins to sing a nice lullaby with the aid of his acoustic guitar "Bessie Lou", which is also the name of his desk, then takes advantage of a baby's lack of understanding of language and mentions things adults would find horrible in a soothing way. After a while, Conan figures that his main audience is getting bored, so after telling the parents to turn the baby away from the TV, he starts showing humorous and sometimes violent pieces of footage. With the baby now asleep, Conan tells the parents to go have sex. The show's musical guests occasionally take part in this skit as well. The final skit of the first episode featured Conan singing a lullaby (with no jokes in the lyrics, but planted audience members crying instead) and was joined by Tony Randall, one of the guests on the show.
  • The "Fun Hole" Guy - Conan gets interrupted by a man in the audience (played by Brian McCann) who wears a blue t-shirt with a sweater around his shoulders. He complains about lack of decency, takes the sweater off and storms off, revealing him wearing fishnet stockings, and a shirt that says "Fun Hole" on the back with an arrow pointing down to his speedo-clad buttocks.
  • Holiday Pictures - Conan, Max, and announcer Joel Godard have recently had a party and Conan displays the ridiculous and fictional events of this party. Invariably, these events typically include heavy drinking and rather gory violence/homicide on the part of one or the entire cast. Towards the end of the skit they are always joined by a celebrity, played by an actor with a superimposed picture of the celebrity at hand. The celebrity usually ends up getting into a fight with Conan, Joel, or Max, or is seen in compromising positions and/or situations, always looking back at the camera with the exact same look, seeing as the superimposed picture never changes. Before his death, Carl "Oldie" Olsen was usually in the party instead of Joel Godard.
  • Old Radio Show Ghost - Brian Stack portrays the ghost of an old singer "Artie Kendall", who sang when the Late Night studio was used for radio. Conan is talking and hears a disembodied voice singing, and a ghost appears next to his desk. The ghost doubts that people from the present would want to hear his "silly old songs", but Conan and the audience convince him. He always sings 3 songs, set to the same tune, that have outrageous lyrics. While the subject of the first varies, the 2nd set is always about women ("Oh...Women shouldn't be allowed to talk; we should seal their lips with strong adhesive caulk") and after Conan's reaction to it, the ghost sings a derogatory song about the Irish. ("Irish people's brains are made of corn, and they all get drunk before they're even born.")
  • Patterns - Conan shows a series of images and viewers have to figure out the progressive pattern that links them. For instance, "Squirrel, handy man, poorly guarded insane asylum, Tom Green: That's right, these are more and more likely to be missing a nut."
  • Pleasing the Affiliates - Conan attempts to please local affiliates by responding to their fictional requests for positive mention.
  • Rude Audience Member - While Conan is attempting to introduce the second guest, the camera repeatedly cuts to one audience member, with each successive cut introducing attention-grabbing sound and visual effects. Conan becomes increasingly agitated, chastising the person as if he/she is purposely making it happen. After he threatens to call security, the camera stays on him and it seems like the distraction is over. Finally, the audience member is shown in a much more exaggerated way (for example, on a giant screen behind Conan, or on the Times Square jumbotron) that completely disrupts the show.
  • Satellite TV - Conan shares the extra channels that the large satellite dish on the roof of 30 Rockefeller Center fictionally picks up. Some channels are named things like 'Looks Like A Gentile - Sounds Like A Jew' (this particular channel displayed clips of people that looked like a gentile speaking with a stereotypical Jewish voice). Others include a pornography channel featuring "Max on Max" action, in which Max Weinberg made love to a duplicate Max Weinberg; the Potato judge channel, about a ruthless tuber on the judicial bench; and the 'Men Without Hats' channel that featured people in everyday situations singing about it to the Men Without Hats tune "Safety Dance" (One involved a man in an office singing "You can file if you want to/You can leave your friends behind/Because your friends don't file/And if they don't file then they're no friends of mine.")
  • Small Talk Moment - Conan and Max make small talk about something, for instance reality television or college basketball. The result is usually that both Max and Conan end up talking a lot about a single event speaking in rapid succession, going into extreme detail or citing obscure people and events. Once they are done, Max stops and says. "Wow Conan, talking about (this subject) sure is interesting," to which Conan enthusiastically responds, "It sure is, Max!". They then stare at one another in dull fashion as the camera cuts back and forth between them.
  • What in the World? - Conan is shown an extremely magnified portion of a picture. He throws out a wild guess as to what he is looking at, at which point the picture zooms out. Then Conan tries again, although it's not yet evident what the picture is of. It zooms out again, and the picture is now recognizable and seemingly mundane, for instance a celebrity or other normal situation. The final time it zooms out, something unexpected or outrageous that had previously been out of frame is revealed. The opening audio cue for this bit is an annoying sounding man saying, "What in the world?" which Conan often asks not to have repeated.
  • No Reason to Live Guy - Conan begins to talk about a mundane news piece or the guest line-up at his desk when he is interrupted by a man in the audience (played by Brian McCann). The man seems to have been misinformed and reacts to Conan's calm correctness in disbelief and yells, "There's no reason to live!" He then proceeds to run to the top of the audience area where a blue kayak is waiting, whilst yelling, "Where's My Kayak?" He gets in the kayak and "paddles" it off-screen, at which point the scene cuts to a shot of a man in a kayak falling down an icy mountain. After this, another "audience member" usually rides off in a kayak in a similar way, or the first man comes back through the studio doors (sometimes in poor disguises), gets upset again (usually when Conan mentions how stupid the sketch is) and rides to his demise using another means of transportation, accompanied with related stock footage, again whilst yelling "Where's my [vehicle]?" The sketch usually involves three different "deaths." In addition to the kayak, other means of transportation have included a train, a bike, a skateboard, balloons, a three bedroom house, and a car.
    • This sketch evolved from a bit done a week or two before NBC broadcast the Torino Olympics where Brian McCann appeared on video as if he was reporting from the Bobsled run in Italy. He starts sliding down the course and Conan tries to tell him the course wasn't finished, based on news reports of the time that said Olympic officials were crunched for time to finish some of the venues. McCann says he can't hear because of the noise of the bobsled then he says, "What's that?" and there is a quick cut to stock footage of a kayak falling down a snow covered mountain. Then the show cuts back to Conan who has his head in his hands as if embarrassed and the audience is howling in laughter at the absurd scene, especially after McCann's line: "Someone put me in a kayak!". When the next guest comments about the kayak, Conan says, "You try to find footage of a bobsled crashing that matches. It was the best we could do."

[edit] Annual sketches

  • The State of the Show Address - An elaborate parody of the President of the United States' annual State of the Union Address delivered in place of the show's opening credits and monologue on the same night the President gives his speech. When Conan mentions that there will be no monologue that night, the audience will stand and burst into hearty applause, after which Conan replies, "You bastards."
  • Central Time Zone New Year's Countdown - Aired each New Year's Eve, Late Night is the only show to do a countdown to midnight for the Central Time Zone of the USA, since the show's regular time slot begins before and ends after midnight, central time. After the monologue, Conan does a fictional list of people who have died that year, starting with a celebrity who has faded into obscurity who many believe has died and continuing with many outlandish and random celebrities who are obviously alive. Each year the Late Night staff creates a skit when the New Year starts. In 2003, the skit was announcer Joel Godard lying down on a table while an Asian man wearing a Speedo lands on top of him at the stroke of midnight. In 2005, giant papier-mâché busts of Chicagoans Jim Belushi and Oprah Winfrey inched slowly towards each other and "French kissed" at the stroke of midnight. The 2004 and 2005 celebrations also had O'Brien joined by a group of costumed revellers representing various Midwestern locales including:
  • Sweeps Ahoy - Airing during or just after each "sweeps week", this sketch airs skits and doctored footage of previous Late Night publicity stunts the show did to increase their ratings.
  • World's Fastest Menorah and Other Holiday Icons - Usually shown for a period of 3-4 days after the annual lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, Conan always mentions that so many people come to New York just to see the tree, usually adding things like, "It's just a tree! Big deal!" He then says something like, "Rockfeller Center might have their Christmas Tree, but we here at Late Night have the World's Fastest Menorah!" This summons the menorah, which sits on a platform pulled by a string by a stagehand, flying by the camera lever. Of course, the platform is not visible in the camera's field of vision. The menorah is accompanied by a quick excerpt of "Hava Nagila". As the week progresses, Conan introduces other holiday icons, which include a bungee-jumping Baby Jesus (with "Hallelujah"), a rocket-powered fruitcake (accompanied by ZZ Top's "La Grange"), and a Kwanzaa kinara in a pimped out ride.

[edit] Monologue digressions

  • Awkward Throws to Max Weinberg - Conan usually begins his monologue by saying "We've got a good show tonight, isn't that right Max?" to which Max replies in an intentionally nonchalant tone, "Yeah," then usually shrugs. One such awkward throw started with Max saying, "Mmm-hmmmm" in a satisfied matter, prompting Conan to blurt out, "I didn't ask, 'How's the rice, Uncle Ben?'!"
  • "Donald Trump Impression" - Conan's impression of Donald Trump has him tugging on his hair, sucking his cheeks in, using Trump's catchphrase, "You're fired!" and performing Trump's python hand move as the Max Weinberg Seven plays the intro to "For the Love of Money" by the O'Jays. This bit is usually performed any time that Trump is mentioned, whether in the monologue or in interviews or comedy sketches. Conan has performed this bit with Donald Trump himself present in the studio on more than one occasion.
  • Eating a Tear - Conan sometimes will say something that will cause him to shed, and then eat, a tear. This is pantomimed by running a finger from his eye down his cheek to his mouth.
  • "I'm-a Gonna Go To Hell When I Die" - a rousing gospel-styled song, started on November 12, 2004, that has no lyrics other than its title and is always accompanied by a rhythmic clapping beat. The audience will usually start clapping along, causing Conan to exclaim, "Don't clap along to that, that's terrible!" Occasionally, Conan has recycled the tune with a new title/lyric, notably "I Had an Unhappy Childhood and You Have to Pay." This is often sung by Conan after the audience finds one of his jokes distasteful, mostly referring to Star Jones. Another variation, sung in a different tune, is "I'll Be Beaten to Death When I Leave Tonight."
  • Inappropriate Closeups of Conan's Hair - Conan leaves the screen, crouches down just enough and walks past the camera so that only his red pompadour is visible.
  • "Keep cool, my babies!" - Often spoken immediately before his monologue as a response to thunderous applause, Conan will utter this phrase in order to calm his excited audience. "Keep cool, my babies!" is usually accompanied by "The String Dance."
  • "The Late Night Cat" - Conan jumps out of the frame and disappears (with a whooshing sound, as in Miscellaneous Pantomiming below) for a few seconds before reappearing extremely close to the camera, out of focus, and hissing at it in a feline manner (complete with "claws" extended). This usually occurs when the studio audience dislikes a joke told in the monologue.
  • Licking his Fingers and Smoothing his Eyebrows - Conan quickly licks both fingers and smooths his eyebrows.
  • Making Fun of Awkward Screams by Audience - If an audience member (male or female) screams something at Conan, he makes a joke such as, "I love you too, sir" or "It's nice of my dad for coming."
  • Making fun of La Bamba - Conan refers to band member Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg when there is a homosexual or otherwise unsavory reference in the monologue. La Bamba usually reacts by staring back at Conan with a bemused look on his face and/or shaking his head.
  • Miscellaneous Pantomiming - Conan will duck in and out of frame, while making a whooshing sound.
  • "Nerd Impression" - Whenever nerds are mentioned in Conan's monologue (such in the context of "Star Wars/The Lord of the Rings nerds"), he alters his voice to sound like a "nerd" criticizing Conan for that joke. This usually involves pushing his "glasses" to his face, wagging his finger, having his teeth hang out of his mouth, waving an invisible lightsaber, or using sci-fi related quotes, or saying something like, "How dare you," or, "I'll get you Conan O'Brien!", and pushing the buttons on an invisible calculator.
  • "The String Dance" - Conan mimes attaching strings to his hips and pulls them, shaking his hips back and forth until he "cuts" one of the strings, dropping the attached hip. The string dance is customarily performed before or during the monologue, but Conan has also performed the dance at the request of guests. Jim Carrey also chose to perform his own version of the string dance on his appearance in December 2005. Ice-T, The Rock, Paula Abdul, Usher, John Tesh, and Christina Applegate have also performed the dance.
  • Unusual Audience Reactions - Conan is always amused by, and makes fun of, the unusual reactions of his audience to some of his monologue jokes. The most common reaction is a horrified/angry "booing" melding into "polite laughter and applause," in Conan's words. Another audience reaction is a delayed laughter to the punchline, sometimes sparking Conan's "Delayed reaction always creeps me out" song, in the style of "I'm-a Gonna Go To Hell When I Die."
  • Anna Nicole Smith Impression - Conan enjoys making Smith, imitating her nonsensical mutterings, drug-influenced wandering, and outbursts. He will wander back and forth in front of the camera, muttering and finally jumps out with the "cat hiss", also seen in the Late Night Cat digression. On at least one occasion, he ended by falling to the floor in an exaggerated fashion, followed by an explanation that she "tripped over a ham."
  • Geraldo Rivera Impression - Whenever there's a news story or any reference to news personality Geraldo Rivera, Conan places his index finger across his upper lip where a mustache would grow.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger Impression - When a topic comes up about Arnie, Conan will put on a German accent, speak in a pseudo-German language, pretend to eat a giant sausage (Conan claims he "likes his Arnold to be eating a sausage at the end") while flexing his muscles and giving a "death-stare" to the audience.
  • George W. Bush Impression - Whenever there's a news story or any reference to President George W. Bush, Conan will look away from the camera, as if distracted by a bird, then look straight back at the camera with a confused look on his face, exclaiming "Huh?".
  • Congress/Parliament applause - If one of his jokes gets lukewarm applause, Conan will liken it to members of Congress or Parliament clapping along. He'll also say "Yes, very good, O'Brien" (or something to that effect) while using a somewhat aristocratic tone.
  • U.S.A. Chant - Most usually done when he has redeemed an obviously bad joke with a good one, Conan celebrates by beginning a chant of "U.S.A! U.S.A!" As soon as the audience joins in, Conan immediately stops and stares at them.
  • Rhetorical Set-Up Questions - Conan frequently introduces a monologue joke by asking a rhetorical question about whether or not the audience has heard of a certain event; he then gives them no time to respond, and criticises them for being uninformed.
  • Wasting time - During the monologue or shortly afterwards, Conan will state that the producers have told him not to waste any time during the show, at which point he'll do something to waste time. Examples: remaining silent for a long period of time, rambling on about how he shouldn't be wasting time, etc.
  • Producer Impression - Often, when Conan says something especially odd or stupid, he will say that the producer is looking at him and then imitates the producer with a serious tone and expression, then poking fun at his impression's similarity to Jackie Mason.

[edit] Miscellaneous

  • The microphone - Conan will sometimes knock the microphone on his desk over for a cheap laugh. Once in a while, he'll knock it over and then jokingly threaten the audience, stating "I'll go up there if I have to" or he'll "have everybody thrown out of the studio" or "I'll clear this studio if I have to." He also states on occasion that the microphone is made of chocolate and its name is "Bessie Lou" (although he has used the name Bessie Lou to also refer to his desk, his guitar, and the chair that the guests sit on).
  • The Conan/Max staredown - Similar to the Small Talk moment, but without any dialogue, Conan and Max will stare at each other blankly for a long time with the cameras switching between Conan and Max. Eventually, Conan seems to get creeped out and looks away. He then says that someone should discover a way to "bottle that chemistry".
  • Conan Cost Cutting - This is apparently an unintentional sketch; after a sketch involving Tim Harrod in a "Grub Man" costume, the show began to re-use the costume as a "surrendering croissant", a "victorious cannoli", a "liposuctioned Jabba the Hutt, a "pissed off kreplach" and a "beach rock". At the end of any sketch involving the costume, Conan mentions how many different ways the costume has been used and a "per costume total", which is the cost of the original costume divided by the number of uses. He'll then invite viewers to mail in their suggestions for a further use for the costume and, in return, will receive an "I'm a Conan Cost Cutter" button.
  • The address to send in your own suggestion for use of the Grub-Man costume is:
Grub-Man Costume Ideas c/o Late Night
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N.Y. 10112
A variation of this was originally used when the show acquired an expensive whale costume for a single sketch, and then devoted an entire "Whale Week" to Whale-related sketches, apparently to get their money's worth on the costume. The whale costume in question has been used with decreasing frequency since then.

[edit] Notes

  1. ^ Steinberg, Jacques, http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/12/arts/television/12mana.html "So This Manatee Walks into the Internet", New York Times December 12, 2006 accessed December 13, 2006.
  2. ^ Traffic rankings: www.hornymanatee.com. Alexa.com (2006-12-16). Retrieved on December 16, 2006.
  3. ^ Traffic rankings: www.savethemanatee.org. Alexa.com (2006-12-16). Retrieved on December 16, 2006.
  4. ^ Late Night with Conan O'Brien, December 16, 2006

[edit] External links

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