Wikipedia:Sandbox/World's Longest Poem/Acts LXXVI - C

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[edit] Subpages

Each subpage consists of 25 Acts.

[edit] The Epic of Roy

Wordcount: 42,874
Line Count: 5,419
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[edit] Note

(Wordcount excludes [edit]s and Titles)
(Line count excludes [edit]s, Spaces between Acts, and Act titles' themselves)

Contents


[edit] Act LXXVI:Ja chee jonk jonk

  1. Roy woke up in the night,
  2. He was in a big fright.
  3. He heard a noise,
  4. But he thought it was the boys.
  5. Then he heard "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  6. because he had gotten a bonk.
  7. and it was as loud as a honk
  8. He heard once more, "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  9. He looked out his window and there was a monk.
  10. Chanting, " Ja chee jonk jonk"
  11. At once he turned around and there was the Monk.
  12. Holding a club and he was ready to bonk.
  13. After the bonk,
  14. Roy heard a honk.
  15. He was walking on top of a Wikipedia article.
  16. He was walking on the article "Article"
  17. Then he heard the monk,
  18. Say "Ja chee jonk jonk".
  19. Roy took the monk's club,
  20. And gave him a blub!
  21. The monk backed away,
  22. Roy begged him to stay.
  23. Then the monk chanted "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  24. Then Roy felt a bonk.
  25. He fell inside a link,
  26. That made him blink.
  27. He fell and landed on the article "Item",
  28. Then he said "Light 'em".
  29. Then Roy saw a light,
  30. Oh it was so bright.
  31. It took him to heaven,
  32. Where he counted to seven.
  33. After that, he nearly fainted
  34. But before that, he got sainted
  35. And what did he hear
  36. Beside his ear?
  37. "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  38. It was the monk!
  39. Then he saw Kurt,
  40. Who was no longer hurt.
  41. He died some acts ago,
  42. And after that Roy had cryed down low.
  43. But now Kurt was alive and well
  44. And he was about to sell
  45. Something useless to Roy
  46. But Roy was too overwhelmed with joy
  47. So he didn't hear a thing
  48. Except the continual ring
  49. All of a sudden Roy felt a █▬█ █ ▀█▀,
  50. Then he thought he heard a fit.
  51. What appeared, the monk!
  52. Who had said "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  53. The two were annoyed.
  54. Oh yes they were annoyed.
  55. The monk kept on chanting,
  56. Roy kept on ranting.
  57. Roy clubbed the monk over the head,
  58. The monk would not fall dead.
  59. What a monk!
  60. "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  61. Quel que chose manque,
  62. "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  63. Roy got mad, so decided to bonk,
  64. He bonked the monk "Bla blee bonk bonk"!
  65. But the monk was still alive
  66. And oh boy did he thrive!
  67. Acting, as if there was no bonk,
  68. "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  69. But what did say the monk,
  70. "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  71. But the monk was magical,
  72. Not just ja chee jonk jonkical.
  73. He turned Roy into a girl!
  74. Oh my, did she whirl!
  75. Roys name is now Rhea,
  76. And the monk went to Ikea.
  77. Rhea was such a sweetie,
  78. that god nicknamed her beattie!

[edit] Act LXXVII: The Epic of Rhea

  1. Then Rhea cried and ran away,
  2. Ran much to everyone's dismay.
  3. She came to a sorcerer's castle,
  4. and she sat on an old brown saddle.
  5. The sorcerer asked her for her wish.
  6. And she said "I wanna be Roy, not this FISH!
  7. Then the sorcerer made her sign
  8. A stack of insurance papers, and asked for a dime.
  9. After she signed the stack,
  10. she was whacked
  11. And was KO-ed by the sorcerer.
  12. Minutes later, Rhea started to muster
  13. The courage to ask the question.
  14. "Am I Roy? Do I Look like Luc Besson?
  15. The sorcerer said "Who the heck is Roy?"
  16. "I thought you wanted to become a Barbie Toy."
  17. "How do I get back?" Rhea had asked,
  18. Use this mathematical formula.(It always ends with a blast!)
  19. "a + b = c − d is the key!"
  20. All you have to do is come follow me!
  21. "But that will make me a giant!"
  22. "And i would much rather still be a small ant!"
  23. Any combination of "Fo" "Fum" or "Fi"
  24. Is certainly not for me!
  25. "Gee", replied the wizard
  26. Whilst eating like a gizzard
  27. "It should have ended with the pronumeral e"
  28. "Or a giant you would certainly be!"
  29. "But do not worry
  30. It won't be too gory"
  31. "Hi-eee, Tight gee,
  32. Oh my God, look at me"
  33. Then the sorcerer said "Ja chee jonk jonk!"
  34. Rhea said "Oh no! The Monk!!!"
  35. Then the sorcerer removed his hood,
  36. And on his face was a peice of wood.
  37. When he removed the wood, Rhea saw,
  38. That thew sorcerer was Adrian Monk after all!

[edit] Act LXXVIII: Rhea is cloned & becomes Roy again

  1. But don't you have a TV show
  2. And Monk said "No.
  3. But I will tell you where to be
  4. If you want to be a man & feel free.
  5. Go and see Toto Cutugno
  6. He'll give it a go"
  7. So Rhea went to see Toto Schillaci
  8. Who was having a party with Baci
  9. And with his trademark expression, he said
  10. You wanted Cutugno? He's near the bread
  11. So Rhea spoke to Toto & he cloned her
  12. He liked Rhea so much that she stayed In Italy & clothed her with fur
  13. But the real Rhea was told to travel to Euro 92
  14. Speak to Tomas Brolin he'll sort things out for you
  15. When it finally came time he was there
  16. Complete with plenty of blond hair
  17. He saw Brolle who spoke unto him
  18. Something in Swedish that sounded like a hymn
  19. And so he was again Roy
  20. He celebrated by going on Pole Chudes, feeling quite coy
  21. But when he looked in a mirror
  22. He no longer looked as a minor
  23. He was old
  24. His skin was grey-colored and cold
  25. So angry Roy went back to Brolin
  26. And there he was, playing on a violin
  27. And Roy just screamed : "What have you done?"
  28. "I'm so old you could be my son!"
  29. But Brolle told not to worry
  30. He mumbled something that sounded like "Sorry"
  31. Then he sang some sort of song
  32. That sounded like the "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  33. Roy stood back, horrified
  34. But when he looked in the mirror, he cried
  35. He looked so young and fresh
  36. With a winning smile resembling John Tesh.

[edit] Act LXXIX: Roy returns to Russia (Right beside Prussia)

  1. Roy then found his way home,
  2. On a bus he rode alone.
  3. He rode back to Russia,
  4. Just right beside Prussia.
  5. Hoping to watch the show Fear Factor,
  6. in his house near a nuclear reactor.
  7. Wanting to watch more American television,
  8. Watching without Vladimir Putin's permission.
  9. (I may be repeating the words from Act I,
  10. I have a creativity block, that's why.)
  11. But by the time he get's to his house,
  12. He finds nothing but a mouse.
  13. He realizes his family is dead,
  14. his TV Has in it several heads.
  15. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed.
  16. Then he saw a light that beamed.
  17. He discoved another portal to heaven,
  18. Where he once, again, counted to seven.

[edit] Act LXXX: Roy travels to Egypt, meets Zorro and some Genies

  1. As he was in heaven,
  2. He fainted at seven.
  3. He woke up and saw his parents,
  4. They were dead parents,
  5. But how much more can happen to Roy?
  6. I don't know, he could turn to a toy.
  7. But Roy decided it didn't suit him right
  8. So he packed his things and bought a flight
  9. In Egypt he ended, near some pyramid
  10. Inside which something horrible hid
  11. Said thing was an Egyptian Mummy
  12. Which made Roy puke up the contents of his tummy.
  13. For inside, quite inexplicably
  14. Lay his parents, wrapped inextricably.
  15. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed.
  16. Then he saw a light that beamed.
  17. He discoved this time a portal to hell,
  18. Where he, then fell into a shell.
  19. (I may be repeating the words from Act LXXVIV,
  20. I have a creativity block, poor me.)
  21. In the shell he waited 28 days,(he does need a lover)
  22. Somehow surviving without food or water.
  23. finally he got out of that vile shell and saw the light.
  24. and he saw with a great fight,
  25. an enormous lobster fit for three kings
  26. and a side of big tasty onion rings
  27. Roy said "FOOD! Delicious FOOD!"
  28. "This really changes my mood!"
  29. then he saw a woman, a fammiliar face.
  30. Dancing on a platform, oh so much grace.
  31. Roy came up to her and asked for her name.
  32. She said "My name you ask?"
  33. "My name is Zorro the masked!"
  34. He then saw a flame
  35. That came in the form of heavy rain
  36. He quickly grabbed Zorro's flask
  37. Attempting to accomplish the task
  38. Of extinguishing the fire
  39. But then Zorro took out her lire
  40. And then Roy realized that there was no water in the flask
  41. Just a bunch of genies going to class
  42. So as the fire enveloped them, Roy wished
  43. For a place where there would be some fish
  44. He ended up in the bottom of a sea
  45. Accompanied by Zorro who was holding a pea
  46. And a bunch of genies
  47. All wearing minis.
  48. Seeing small crabs running around
  49. The genies dropped their mini skirts to the ground.
  50. Seeing this sight made Roy sick again.
  51. Zorro pointed at him with a wicker cane
  52. She said, "Young man, you clean that sick up real quick!"
  53. And her wicker cane she did flick.
  54. "No!" Roy said, "I've had enough of you!"
  55. And ran away from Zorro until he turned blue.
  56. Having left his guardian friend;
  57. Verily this chapter in Roy's life must end.

[edit] Act LXXXI: Roy Reminises for his Lost Friend Zorro

  1. Roy ran and ran
  2. Until he came upon an Iron Maiden fan
  3. Who asked if he knew the woman named Zorro
  4. And Roy's Face did fill with sorrow
  5. As another man knew of his old friend
  6. Whom he had left at the bottom of the sea, to face her sticky end.
  7. Zorro's fate was painful and slow,
  8. It was on the day that Roy's grass needed a mow.
  9. Roy had the cutter ready
  10. when Zorro became unsteady
  11. Roy chased him into a cave
  12. and gave him much more than a close shave
  13. from which he never overcame
  14. and brought about much shame.
  15. So Roy went home with a sigh
  16. and even felt that he would cry
  17. from such a embarassing undertaking
  18. a true sob story in the making.

[edit] Act LXXXII: Roy? Who on earth is Roy? Is this an intermission?

  1. This endless story of Roy,
  2. Who can enjoy,
  3. A story without Joy,
  4. And a man whose name is Roy?
  5. Not man, nor a boy,
  6. This person named Roy,
  7. Without further ado,
  8. His story we will not pursue,
  9. For he would say,
  10. If he were to see this one day,
  11. He may feel a little blue
  12. This story, it cannot be true!
  13. So without much waiting,
  14. Or speculating,
  15. This poem will go on
  16. For yet another eon
  17. Should roy work for E.ON?
  18. Or learn Klingon
  19. Frankly, as Captain Planet would say, "The power is yours"
  20. So should Roy open these doors?
  21. Unto a world of pure imagination
  22. complete with tales of inspiration?
  23. Of course he should!
  24. Because he's running out of food
  25. And he adores to eat pie
  26. And without it he might start to cry
  27. So he went down to the chippy
  28. And rattled off this little ditty

[edit] Act LXXXIII: ?

  1. And so after that pleasent intermission
  2. We rejoin Roy dealing with his condition.
  3. He was stuck at the bottom of the Sea
  4. Without a friend, only a young Bumble-Bee.
  5. The Bee cried out
  6. With a shout
  7. "I'm a bee, i can't breath water!
  8. I must get back home to my daughter!"
  9. But Roy warned her to not catch the wrong bus
  10. Or it'll take her at least 25 years to get home in all the fuss
  11. But the bee caught the No. 29,
  12. Then, realizing it was bound for her ex-husband, she began to whine.
  13. Unfortunately for them, there was no wine
  14. Not even some brine
  15. So locked in their cages of wicker
  16. They were forced to hit the liquor
  17. Ten bottles of Bucky they did drink
  18. And after that they stopped to think
  19. About what their lives had become
  20. Eating doughnuts and having fun
  21. Shooting squirrels and being mad
  22. And all their lives they were just sad
  23. But still in their lives they remember Roy
  24. That funky kid that is a boy
  25. And they thoguht about him and his adventures
  26. And they thought about their mother's dentures
  27. Although this has no point at all
  28. It must be done, so we can stall
  29. And now we return to your normally scheduled programming
  30. Roy was us the Sea with Dan Channing
  31. And watching [Finding Nemo} actually occur
  32. And finding out Dory was a girl
  33. From that sad revelation
  34. They thought about life and their creation
  35. So now they thought about the task at hand
  36. About the evil creeping 'cross the land
  37. A cloud of death covering land and sea
  38. Will eventually get to you and me
  39. Poor Roy thought the cloud would get him now
  40. So he decided to do a final bow
  41. But then another Bumble-Bee stung him on the hand
  42. And then collapsed onto the sand
  43. What will happen in this tragic scene
  44. For the Bumble-Bee that was mean
  45. Roy bent over the dying bee
  46. And let it float to the surface of the sea
  47. The stinger was now hurting him
  48. He thought he might have to amputate a limb
  49. But very random, it would be seen
  50. Out of the blue came a submarine
  51. Who would be on the submarine but
  52. The monk, who now had just played put-put
  53. Roy now tried to hide away
  54. But the monk wanted to stay
  55. Then Roy saw a dolphin
  56. And grabbed onto it's tall fin
  57. Up to the surface they rose real fast
  58. Right up through a ship's mast
  59. The dolphin flopped back into the sea
  60. And Roy landed gracefully on a knee
  61. He walked across the water to the ship
  62. And was hooked by a fisherman in the lip
  63. Roy undid the hook
  64. And pulled himself aboard next to the ship's cook
  65. The cook mistook him for a shark
  66. And hit him-behold-Hark!
  67. Right on the nose
  68. Luckily on the ship they had a hose
  69. the cold water pumped out
  70. And awakened Roy, who gave a shout
  71. Then the ship sailed to land
  72. To coast, where everyone was tanned
  73. Then Roy stepped onto the dock
  74. And a clock went tick tock
  75. ...Has it been so long?
  76. tick tock my life's song
  77. ...Time flys
  78. The stinging Bee dies
  79. Then Roy does fall onto his knees
  80. And begs God please
  81. Put down that cheese
  82. Baby put down that please
  83. Mmmm put down that cheese

[edit] Act LXXXIV: Roy's Waterloo

  1. So the cheese was down
  2. So onward to the next town
  3. Stralsund, just in case you want to know
  4. And just as Roy was ready to go
  5. Roy met his Waterloo
  6. He was was offered to join an ABBA tribute group as member number 2
  7. Maybe, but not going onward, he felt like he was going to lose
  8. But then he remebered "I feel like I win when I lose"
  9. Now let's get back to the story
  10. Okay, now Roy was in a hurry
  11. For a bear was chasing him out of Stralsund
  12. And with people watching him, Roy felt shunned
  13. Now, there was a spy from Prussia
  14. Which is right outside of Russia
  15. And he told his boss of Roy
  16. Who in turn told a Russian boy
  17. Who then told a Russian man
  18. When he was watching a can-can
  19. The man, whose name was Ray
  20. Started out to find Roy, to make sure he was okay
  21. He caught a plane to Stralsund
  22. For Roy, who was still feeling shunned
  23. And so Ray sat and thought
  24. And thought and thought a lot
  25. But he didn't know that the person sitting across his row
  26. Had traveled to the past and was feeling low
  27. All the man saw was a depressed lass
  28. Who said her name was Cass
  29. Meanwhile, back at the ranch
  30. Roy swung onto a branch
  31. The bear whizzed past him
  32. Running right below the tree's limb
  33. Roy breathed a sigh of relief
  34. Only for a bug to fly inbetween his teeth
  35. In the distance, he saw a child
  36. And walked over, sat and smiled
  37. And asked if he could join the picnic lunch
  38. Because he was hungry after being chased a bunch.
  39. But the child wouldn't share
  40. He was being mean, but didn't care
  41. So Roy walked off in a fuss
  42. Wanted to get away, so took a bus
  43. This bus went to a man named Gus.
  44. Who was also in a fuss.

[edit] Act LXXXV: m

  1. Gus disapeared,
  2. And everyone teared.
  3. Then Roy saw a huge letter M
  4. Then he thought of the french word "femme"
  5. The M hugged him
  6. And cuddled with him.
  7. Wait, what is happening? This doesn't sound right;
  8. We sound like Dr. Seuss! We need another fight!
  9. So the M was just a tactic to attract Roy,
  10. And so he came, humming in joy.
  11. The M had grave news
  12. Something on which Roy would muse
  13. He told Roy with much dread
  14. Eragon was dead

[edit] Act LXXXVI: Of Happy Proportions

  1. There once was a boy named Eragon
  2. Who found the egg of a dragon
  3. However Eragon only wanted to garden
  4. Nuclear weapons were invented, Galboratorix bombed the Varden
  5. And the elves worshipped the dragon, who we didn't like much
  6. So we infiltrated their base, and now it's nothing but mush
  7. So about the dragon, yeah, well
  8. It flew to the Varden and cried to death, so they tell
  9. For the Varden had been destroyed
  10. And Murtagh killed Eragon 'cause he was annoyed
  11. Now back to the story of Roy
  12. Who had forgiven the brat of a boy
  13. And was out of his fuss
  14. Although who wasn't but Gus
  15. He caught a plane to Britain
  16. Where the news was of a defective kitten
  17. It was born with three legs
  18. And enjoyed eating eating raw eggs.
  19. Roy rested there for a long time
  20. Before things turned more sour than lime

[edit] Act LXXXVII:Roy's Fall to Crime (And the Mafia)

  1. So, as Roy was resting
  2. An evil man was testing
  3. He was testing a nuclear missle
  4. Seeing was it would take to make governments bristle
  5. So he was testing on the logistics
  6. And on the statistics
  7. He came with an answer
  8. And hired an assassin who had the body of a dancer
  9. Then who came walking down the lane
  10. But an old man who walked with a cane
  11. He bumped into the hired assassin
  12. Whose name, by the way, was Lassassin
  13. Now, the old man was wearing a disguise
  14. He was part of a world that was all lies
  15. Yes, he was a spy
  16. Thirty years old and a great looking guy
  17. He had been sent there to check on
  18. The missile, but it's gone
  19. I killed that stupid head
  20. I shot him in the head
  21. he crapped his pants
  22. His turd was like my aunts
  23. But what does that mean, really?
  24. Now let's not get sidetracked by Lily
  25. That little annoying girl
  26. Let's put her in a tube and give it a twirl
  27. Now back to the story with Roy
  28. He heard of the nuclear toy
  29. And decided that it could be found
  30. With a little help from a K-9 hound
  31. So he caught a plane to the U.S.
  32. And tried to steal a hound, but as you can guess
  33. He got caught and tried to explain
  34. But they sent him to Europe on a plane
  35. He got a first-class seat
  36. Every meal he got was served with meat
  37. Although he hated every second
  38. Because of his fear of Finland
  39. I'm am not an annoying girl
  40. Said Trent Reznor before he was going to hurl
  41. To you I started a war!
  42. hurray for gore!
  43. And you smell stupid
  44. Said him whom got shot by a something that rymes with stupid
  45. And so therefore we can state
  46. that my name is not Kate
  47. In fact, I bet your name is something very lame
  48. Like Kurt Cobain
  49. But you know what Kurt's not that lame
  50. Don't blame him just because he makes a bad picture frame
  51. Anyway Roy
  52. Was now a big boy
  53. Doesn't play PS3
  54. Likes to drink pee
  55. Though that's not smart
  56. Roy's not that good at art
  57. So Roy took a gun
  58. And with it had killing fun
  59. Roy got sent to jail
  60. And his cellmate was a snail
  61. He hated the cheese
  62. Because it just made him sneeze
  63. So he took a drill
  64. And drank his fill
  65. He's not in the jail anymore
  66. He's on the streets being poor
  67. Like a hobo
  68. Eats yogos
  69. So he robbed a grocery store
  70. Now he's not poor
  71. A mafia gang member
  72. Called the "Ember"
  73. Now that ends this act
  74. We'll rip Roy's contract
  75. I don't feel sorry
  76. For Roy Smorry
  77. So Roy Popped a Thizz
  78. Had a slight problem with fizz

[edit] Act LXXXVIII: Roy dissapeared!!!

  1. Roy dissapeared,
  2. And was everyone was feared
  3. Roy was nowhere to be found,
  4. Perhaps he could be found by a hound.
  5. So people got a hound,
  6. Who sure was on bound.
  7. and then there was a smell
  8. as the kids say "oh grandpa please tell"
  9. chicken is good but I'd rather sell
  10. A box of good old smelly mel
  11. a cow on the box
  12. said ew I gots chicken pox
  13. and the elevator only goes to level ten
  14. as the duck kicked you right then
  15. the murderer ran down the street
  16. and Boba Fett killed skeet
  17. but as the saying goes
  18. put down ye hoes
  19. not the bad ones, the tools
  20. that your dog uses to pick up its drool
  21. if the world revolved around Roy,
  22. then the money would turn into some kind of toy
  23. and as the boy
  24. played with this toy
  25. the foolish man
  26. put away his pan
  27. and officially got blinded by the light
  28. Oh! What a delight
  29. Anyway the world stopped spinning on the seventh day
  30. As line 14 admitted that it was gay
  31. but not the irregular one,
  32. but the happy some
  33. the dragon fell out of the government past
  34. as The Man killed him with a mighty blast
  35. but Chuck Norris came from no place
  36. and kicked Roy in the face
  37. as a proper noun drop kicked the sky
  38. Roy got robbed from the oddest guy
  39. he fell into a coma, foolish as can be
  40. but everyone killed that faithful bee
  41. and the blue light came from the night
  42. the bumble bee screamed what a wasteful sight
  43. The earth came to a halt
  44. including the San Andreas Fault
  45. Ten hundred years later
  46. Then came Lord Vader
  47. Awaking Roy from his sleeping tone,
  48. He crushed the mans fingers! His toes!
  49. Because only Roy is the one who knows
  50. of what happened the day that Lord Vader came
  51. Of what happened the day that he brought Shame
  52. The fear of what happened is the worst of all
  53. Otherwise known as a freefall
  54. Roy awoke with a startling growl
  55. He walked outside
  56. Only to his surprise
  57. There was a mob of zombies
  58. He tried to escape on his trusty donkey,
  59. But only to find out that it had a cold
  60. There were rings around his eyes that looked like mold
  61. He ran during the night and the day
  62. For now he can proudly say
  63. that he'll come back another time
  64. to find Lord Vader as a mime
  65. although we don't know about his demise,
  66. We can find him almost twenty-four percent bigger in size
  67. A virus took our very small town
  68. as Roy stood up in complete confusion,
  69. The cow came back in Delusion
  70. To stop a man with no such shame
  71. Is to compare it to the day that Vader came
  72. And whisked him off in a black limo
  73. He Drove to the shore
  74. Which was quite a bore
  75. Looking for his father Vader
  76. But stopped his search when he realized he was a hater
  77. He felt like going to a baseball game
  78. But he lived in Cincinnati and the reds are lame
  79. He went anyway
  80. But did not have money to pay
  81. He met up with Chuck Norris again
  82. and relized they were not friends
  83. He kicked Roy and he died, our friend
  84. Not A Very Merry End
  85. For Our Roy
  86. What a Joy Roy

[edit] Act LXXXIX: Of the Return of Roy since this poem is about Roy and therfore he can't be dead even though he already was earlier

  1. Roy was dead
  2. So it is said
  3. Ha ha ha,
  4. And la la la,
  5. Unfortunately he came back to life.
  6. Playing a really shrill fife.
  7. We still wish he was gone,
  8. Since off his head was sawn.
  9. This resulted in a headache that hurt,
  10. And then out would spurt,
  11. A good deal of blood.
  12. There was so much there was a flood
  13. Of dreadful red stuff,
  14. And fluffy pink fluff.
  15. We don't want to know,
  16. What the fluff was or-woe!
  17. Roy is dead-again
  18. Since only that makes a sad Ben
  19. As well as relative sense.
  20. He sat on a fence.
  21. But who is this "he"?
  22. Does he have a skinned knee?
  23. I have decided,
  24. That Roy was derided,
  25. And now he's not dead.
  26. Or so it is said.
  27. In the myths of God-Roy-Land
  28. All the consumers demand,
  29. They wanted a rest,
  30. But instead they took a test.
  31. Now back to the legend of Roy, the stinky one
  32. Who has been many-times-dead, and thought it was fun,
  33. A sneaky brat
  34. Thought he was fat
  35. And in this case, Roy is the he.
  36. Roy was insulted, as he had better be,
  37. "THOU SHALT NOT INSULT A HERO!"
  38. "ELSE THOU SHALT TURN OUT LIKE NERO!"
  39. For now he ain't here,
  40. And nobody sheds a tear.
  41. The brat was mad,
  42. But also sad,
  43. But instead he got Glad!
  44. And his name was Vlad!
  45. This is not a commercial,
  46. But instead an infomercial!
  47. Someone smiled condescendingly down,
  48. And said, "is Wikipedia a noun？“
  49. For if you don't know,
  50. Your mind shall not grow!
  51. Okay, now where are we with Roy?
  52. Oh, yeah, he was buying a toy
  53. For his long forgotten neice
  54. Who's home had no lease
  55. Her parents had been taken by the police
  56. For abusing mice
  57. as well as dogs, they weren't very nice
  58. Let me guess, they abused a cat, too
  59. And a cow, they made it so it couldn't moo
  60. But that's only my guess
  61. I'm making a mess
  62. Like Roy
  63. Who had dropped the toy
  64. The toy was a box of sand art
  65. But Roy wouldn't clean it up, he had no heart
  66. He went to a nearby park
  67. And sat a stared at a lark
  68. He thought about profound things
  69. About a sad truth that stings
  70. He was no longer that little boy
  71. Who only wanted that brand new toy
  72. He had bigger problems on his mind
  73. Little did know he that to passersby he shined
  74. He began to rise up into the air
  75. Then woke up with a start and a mouthful of hair
  76. He realized it had been a dream
  77. And then he began to beam
  78. He was sitting on the park bench
  79. But the lark was gone; in it's place there was a finch
  80. Roy wondered what made pop music great
  81. It nearly half past three, he was nearly late
  82. For a meeting scheduled at four
  83. He knew the people wouln't wait til four
  84. That it would start at 3:45
  85. Don't you hate meetings where you can barely stay alive
  86. Roy tried to rush to the table
  87. But there wasn't a lable
  88. Ended up listening to a meeting about boring stuff
  89. And thought it a lot of fluff
  90. Then, as the clock stroke six
  91. Realized this was the wrong place, and started to cry with a mix
  92. Of emotions on his face
  93. He left and wandered the streets, holding a case.

[edit] Act XC:$$

  1. Roy woke up in the morning rich!
  2. So rich he nearly fell into a ditch!
  3. He had a trillion dollars!
  4. Everybody sure heard some hollars!
  5. Hollering "I'm rich, I'm rich!"
  6. "I'm so rich I'm getting this itch!"
  7. "I'm just so rich!"
  8. "I'm so rich!"
  9. Yes, Roy had finally cracked,
  10. his brain, craving oxygen it lacked
  11. had decided to give Roy's senses a break
  12. and turned his cerebellum into steak.
  13. Roy died a painful death,
  14. Then he fell to the left.
  15. But then the rise from the dead!
  16. Came up and Roy was fed,
  17. Crying "I'm rich!"
  18. "I'm rich!"
  19. Roy's rich delerium grew worse
  20. Soon he started carrying a purse
  21. Which he stole from a hearse
  22. because the dead cannot curse.
  23. Unfortuatly, he spent all the money in Iraq
  24. And his house was evicted, so he build a shack
  25. A donkey came along
  26. mocking the song
  27. that goes la la la bu
  28. when all of the sudden he lost his shoe
  29. and then he shot Chuck Norris
  30. But chuck norris is bulletproof so he beat Roy to a corp-us
  31. and the donkey got suied for copyright infringment
  32. but the EMI records was actually an inpingment
  33. so the donkey got hanged
  34. and lost all of his fangs
  35. and never fought again
  36. and the donkey and roy are tin.
  37. When this happened, Roy said "Knowing me, knowing you
  38. There is nothing we can do"
  39. You know the rest
  40. And now for another test
  41. Roy shall become an anti-capital punishment advocate
  42. To do this, he must meet up with a man called Dick Advocaat
  43. A woman named Kaia & a teenage girl called Kate
  44. But mate,
  45. They now need a plan
  46. After midnight, they need another man
  47. But who was he
  48. A Super Trouper? Or he that looks like a bumblebee?
  49. So donkey and Roy headed off to St. Pete.
  50. Roy took the train and the donkey his feet.
  51. They agreed to meet up sometime Sunday, late
  52. and plan how to find Dick, Kaia and Kate.
  53. From the train window Roy thought it quite cool
  54. to be heading back home and bringing a mule.
  55. Threading through Switzerland, Austria, and Slovenia
  56. the train wound ever westward as if to Armenia.
  57. Just west of Maldova the train's course was corrected.
  58. "Roy appears quite excited", the conductor reflected.
  59. Strange that Dick Advocaat's St. Petersburg relation
  60. had brought Roy back home and caused this elation.
  61. Then, a donkey came in, he stole Roy's grape
  62. And got hit with tape.
  63. But that doesn't make any sense
  64. So we call that line stupid, hence
  65. EMI records then came in
  66. killed everyone of those sons of a bins
  67. now Roy was mad
  68. And quite a bit sad
  69. So he cut his wrists
  70. And his throat he did slit
  71. As he peed his pants
  72. And ate fire ants
  73. He started to cry
  74. Cryed so hard he started to fly.

[edit] Act XCI:Bonked

  1. One summer, Roy went on vacation,
  2. Where he didn't have to worry about any rotation.
  3. Roy went to the peak of Mount Everest,
  4. Where he felt like he was the cleverest.
  5. Then Roy got bonked,
  6. Got bonked so hard the thing that bonked him honked.
  7. Then Roy heard "Ja chee jonk jonk"
  8. Roy said "Oh no, the monk!"
  9. He took off his backpack
  10. And took out a sack
  11. in that sack was a snowboard
  12. And, for some reason, a chord
  13. He got onto the first item
  14. And before the monk had a chance to bite 'em
  15. He started snowboarding down Mt. Everest
  16. Where he had felt he was the cleverest
  17. He twisted and turned
  18. And flew through the air until his stomach churned
  19. Then he realized that the monk was following
  20. He couldn't help swallowing
  21. He tried to lose the monk but
  22. He had trophies from tournaments for snowboarding and put-put
  23. So he wasn't easy to lose
  24. So Roy decided to trick him and started to cruise
  25. As he had hoped, the monk flew past him
  26. But then Roy fell, right on top of his limb

[edit] Act XCII:The Hospital

  1. And so, after breaking his arm
  2. The monk had rung the alarm
  3. He had carried Roy down the mountain
  4. And into India, all the way shoutin'
  5. He made sure that Roy was okay
  6. Then fled far away
  7. He didn't want Roy to know
  8. He didn't want his feelings to show
  9. Meanwhile with Roy
  10. A doctor came in and left him a toy
  11. But Roy said, "No, I'm not a young child!"
  12. And didn't say it very mild
  13. "Darn", he said first
  14. Though this was hardly the worst
  15. Right then and there, the monk had returned
  16. Bringing Roy a huge pound of heavy butter--unchurnned!
  17. Because after the that, Roy admitted that his feelings for the monk were more than just friendly
  18. The Doctor, also gay, daydreamed what Roy would be like (with him): a sight, for him very heavenly!
  19. Mister Monk, now flabbergastered from hearing that both of his friends were gay
  20. Decided, because he had no other choice, to start to pray
  21. At the same moment, the Emperor of the Universe, Lord Aynant, thought about the position of the monk
  22. Should I leave him, and let him be tortured for life in between two gay guys like a pile of junk?
  23. Maybe I will leave him to a large African hunk
  24. Or I'll hide him a while, leave him under my bunk
  25. Whatever, whatever I should forgive and forget
  26. But how can I forget all this this evil he beget
  27. Now Roy got angry since he was hurt
  28. And to the monk he did blurt:
  29. Either you or this doctor
  30. Will have to fix me up proper
  31. And since I have no money
  32. Won't you heal me with honey?
  33. And to that the Monk did reply
  34. Heaven help me If I try
  35. For I do not care for you
  36. But you stick to me like Glue!
  37. And Roy was so hurt, he began to Weep
  38. His heart was broken, and his soul did seep
  39. Out of his body into the Sky
  40. Where the Emperor of the Universe heard it's Cry
  41. The Emperor looked up from his game of Poker
  42. He was playing with Zeus and Hermes the Joker
  43. Roy cursed at these arrogant gods
  44. For they were such arrogant sods
  45. The gods heard his angry cursing
  46. And changed his profession to nursing
  47. Roy the Nurse did cry in shock
  48. For all the Doctors had began to mock
  49. Him in his uniform all prim and neat
  50. He was quite a spectacle for people to meet
  51. The Monk did laugh when he saw him
  52. But it was a ploy to save his limb
  53. For the Doctors did tell the Monk that
  54. Without his arm he would never be able to Bat!
  55. For Roy loved his Cricket
  56. He never did hit a wicket
  57. His arm must heal before the Rain
  58. Otherwise Roy would go quite Insane
  59. Oh What a Curse it is! Roy proclaimed
  60. I am a cripple who has been maimed!
  61. Maimed you are not! The Doctor said
  62. Otherwise I would go to the ChiefMed!
  63. He began to quoteAn Apple a day
  64. Will keep the Doctor away
  65. Roy saw his chance, and felt very calm
  66. He ordered a basket of apples from the fruit farm
  67. The Apples arrived, he began to eat
  68. The Doctor disappeared, right from his seat
  69. Ahah! said Roy, so full of Joy
  70. The Doctor believed the phrase to fall to my ploy!
  71. Roy then continued to binge on apples
  72. Forgetting his career to build more chapels
  73. All across the Baltic Republics
  74. He gave speeches on apples in public
  75. Every one in the world loved him
  76. Even foreigners in the Pacific Rim
  77. Apples! Apples! The people cried
  78. Without apples, we would have died!
  79. Apples, oh apples we make you our god!
  80. Roy shall now buy an iPod

[edit] Act XCIII: Yup

  1. As Roy was using his iPod, he fell asleep
  2. It was indeed quite deep
  3. As he was dreaming, he felt like he was King of the Hill
  4. Which he was, because he was on King of the Hill
  5. Bobby was heard to say "Why does the football always overrun?"
  6. Hank replied "Dang it Bobby, it'll do you good in the long run"
  7. Roy, it seems, was dating Luanne
  8. Luanne had dumped Lucky for a better man
  9. Then Roy wake up, as his iPod was singing.
  10. Then the telephone started ringing.
  11. Roy walked to it, but decided not to answer.
  12. Instead he went to where he thought his pants were.
  13. But they weren't there, so Roy walked outside.
  14. As he did, someone started to hide.
  15. Why did he hide? wondered Roy.
  16. And who was he? wondered Roy.
  17. He realized that it was the creator of the poem.
  18. The creator must be ambushing Roy for ending lines with the same word in the poem.
  19. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" the creator yelled.
  20. And to keep this from having two lines with double words, down a cliff he purposefully felled.
  21. Roy looked over the edge of the cliff.
  22. He was starting to get a little miffed.
  23. He was growing tired of such a long work
  24. And decided the creator was kind of a jerk.
  25. He came from the cliff, and he said with a sigh,
  26. "The Creator must be very stressed to go out and die."
  27. So Roy walked with a twist, and he walked with burp.
  28. Toward a bridge he yelled, "Look, a twerp!".
  29. The twerp turned and looked Roy's way!
  30. He said, "I don't want no crap today!"
  31. Roy turned 'is head and fled,
  32. Because he didn't want to be dead!
  33. He remembered creators fate,
  34. And knew he couldn't escape.
  35. This twerp was a mad man!
  36. As he ran he waited for the bam...
  37. BAM!!!
  38. Roy sure did a scram!
  39. But it was too late.
  40. The twerp was packin' a .38
  41. Roy fell to the ground.
  42. He turned to see the twerp getting away in a bound.
  43. Is this the end of our Hero?
  44. Will this entire story turn out to be zero?
  45. NO!
  46. Of course it's not the end of our Hero!
  47. For just then, a kind man came walking by.
  48. "Oh! You poor man!" He let out a cry.
  49. "Should I take you to a Hospital?" He wondered.
  50. But the nearest hospital is 42 kilometers yonder!
  51. "The next closest place is Sacred Heart."
  52. The kind man said to himself right after a fart.
  53. He got in his truck and put Roy in the backseat
  54. He made sure Roy wasn't propped up on his feet
  55. Then started to drive to a hospital
  56. Butnow after everything Roy was strong in more than his middle
  57. So he wasn't hurt that bad
  58. Although I must say he was very sad
  59. He healed up and became himself again
  60. Realized that he didn't have a sister called Megan
  61. He said bye to the man
  62. Then ran away, and I mean ran
  63. He ran so fast that he made to Prussia
  64. Then went back to Russia
  65. Nobody remembered who he was
  66. They were worried about this yellowish fuzz
  67. But then Roy remembered that jeans costed almost $1000
  68. Roy did not want to give up wearing jeans
  69. So ran back after eating some beans
  70. He paid for a plane ticket to Normal
  71. Where the occasion was formal
  72. So Roy got dressed in a tie suit
  73. Then decided to mute
  74. He did not talk to anyone
  75. But it wasn't much fun
  76. So he decided to leave
  77. Unluckily he had a pet peeve
  78. That has no value to the story
  79. Okay, Roy was in a hurry
  80. To make his life less boring
  81. And keep him from snoring
  82. So, he looked for some new entertainment
  83. Well, he found himself some good containment
  84. He read the first verse of the bible
  85. And found it to be so reliable
  86. It was a new thing to him
  87. He sung it all week in the gym
  88. The instructor was happy to say
  89. He stopped it a bit into May
  90. When it threatened to worsen his troubles
  91. He ran in with a fancy for bubbles
  92. The instructor started to float
  93. Better than a ship or a boat
  94. Or even a midget smashing himself with pies
  95. Maybe seeing Anna Nicole Smith blow sky-high
  96. No way!
  97. With pie....Sky high
  98. Down in a canyon with nicole by his side
  99. He ran off into the sunset ...with a runnaway bride
  100. Roy was on a Roll
  101. Gettin lots of cash
  102. Then suddenly he lost it when he got his head bashed
  103. Then He got detained in school, because he was a fool
  104. Then he Dinned on a mule! <------- (What A Fool!)

[edit] Act XCIV: The final death of Roy & the birth of Roy the II

  1. Growing rather tired of this prolonged escapade,
  2. Into a deep slumber did Roy fade.
  3. Dreaming back to when he was 13 in Koldur,
  4. The heart break, Chinese & rebel war.
  5. He remembered the trials of the many places he had fought,
  6. And wished that a son he had wrought.
  7. For Roy had not a single child as yet,
  8. But there was a lover in France who he did forget.
  9. In a drunken stupor, Roy had gone to a motel in France,
  10. The last he did remember was taking off his pants.
  11. And from that fateful night of passion,
  12. 13 years ago exactly, Roy II was born a' thrashin'.
  13. With a fishstick in his hand he said,
  14. "I Roy the II am born in a bed",
  15. "With a head on my body,
  16. "I have a new hobby.
  17. And so was born the sequel to Roy,
  18. until soon enough he grew to be a boy.
  19. Raised by his parents,but taught by the Bears,
  20. He grew to be a hunter, with a chest-full of hair!
  21. Away from his parents, and out in the woods,
  22. He spent his life tooting and protecting his goods,
  23. which is all a good hunter in fair should do,
  24. Along with find food,keep your skin, and every once in a while, have a good poo!
  25. And soon, he met his life long love,
  26. A french one, as beautifull as a dove!
  27. Soon though he was called upon by the French lover to fetch a pale of water,
  28. While on his chore a robber came to his house and confronted his lover and shot her,
  29. When he returned he found her dead to his dismay,
  30. and there for six days she lay.
  31. So he vowed never again to love and let die,
  32. He resumed his mournfull life as a hunter, just an ordinary guy.
  33. Until of course, one very fortunate day,
  34. he found a very small needle in a bail of hay.
  35. Then he realized, oh yes, with a tear in his eye,
  36. That truly it was time to stop the with the emo-sigh
  37. So with his horse and trusty pistol
  38. He decided to set off for Bristol
  39. Then, out of nowhere, Something attacked!
  40. It was a grue, female, and it sure did attacked!
  41. Not at Grue!, Oh Not a Grue! Roy II did cry
  42. And pulled out his dagger, and aimed for it's eye
  43. Die Foul Beast! You'll not kill me today!
  44. But Grue clawed him, and so he lay
  45. Bleeding to death, upon the floor
  46. Roy was all alone, alone on the moor
  47. In his last dying breath, be tried to speak
  48. Oh if my father could see me, oh he would seek
  49. He would seek me, and serch the Bog
  50. And find his son, dead on a log
  51. With those words, Roy II did die
  52. Saying goodbye to the World, with one final sigh

[edit] Act XCV: 666 (oh no!)

  1. We return to Roy, looking to buy
  2. A nice little home, in the countryside
  3. But the estate agent sadly said
  4. I ain't got nothing, with shower or a bed
  5. Roy did plead, for the agent to look
  6. For any kind of home, the ones nobody took
  7. Ahah! said the agent
  8. I've got just the thing for Rent
  9. But the address may not a-pease
  10. The Neighbours are quite like to tease
  11. I don't Care! said Roy
  12. I'm sick of being all happy and coy
  13. I want to settle down, be calm for awhile
  14. I will take anything! he said with a smile
  15. And so Roy bought the house
  16. He was snug like a mouse
  17. Happy in the Mover's truck
  18. This was definitly good luck!
  19. Roy moved to a home
  20. And began to Roam.
  21. All around the place
  22. Then he noticed the address, fringed in Lace
  23. 666 Six-hundred and Sixty-Six Street the sign read
  24. This was something the agent hadn't said
  25. The adress and the street name is 666!
  26. Such a thing needs a fix!
  27. The house was full of ghosts
  28. Roy felt that he was Toast
  29. But what else can happen to Roy?
  30. I don't know, he might turn into a little boy!
  31. Roy heard a noise,
  32. And struck a scared poise
  33. Then Roy saw a huge exclamation mark in front of him
  34. Could this be a warning to save his life and limb?
  35. Then an interrobang fell on his head!
  36. An omen of sorts that Roy thought said
  37. To leave the house forever and ever
  38. And never come back in any sort of Weather

[edit] Act XCVI: What house is this? One of a fish!

  1. "What's this?"
  2. Roy quipped.
  3. A secret door?
  4. Shall I find more?
  5. By the guiding light of the holy ka-tish
  6. I wish, I wish, I was a fish!
  7. Boom! Bang!
  8. Clang-neti-Clang
  9. Roy fell through the secret door,
  10. And was transformed into a fish flopping on the floor.
  11. "Oh no!" Roy said. "What have I done?
  12. I might now be somebody's lunch!"
  13. Weird.
  14. To be feared.
  15. Unlike a beard
  16. Or a sheep being sheared
  17. Roy was scared
  18. And aware.
  19. He wanted to leave,
  20. He wanted to breathe,
  21. But most of all
  22. He wanted to be tall.
  23. He wanted to eat like humans do
  24. He wanted to dance but was unable to,
  25. But now because of that loco wish,
  26. Roy had now become a fish...

[edit] Act XCVI and 1/2: He did not have luck in world conquest as a moose

  1. What should I do?
  2. Roy thought through and through.
  3. Then he thought real hard,
  4. And was turned into lard.
  5. I can transform? he
  6. thought by and be.
  7. "I AM A HUNKY HUMAN WARRIOR WHO HAS CONQUERED THE UNIVERSE"
  8. He shouted with no remorse.
  9. Although he wasn't quite a hunk,
  10. He then ruled the universe and all that junk
  11. He breathed deeply
  12. And his mouth moved creep'ly.

[edit] Act XCVII: Roy almost gets eaten

  1. Roy got served with fish and chips,
  2. Roy could no longer do any flips.
  3. Roy was eaten by is old friend Kurt,
  4. And Boy-oh-Boy, It sure did hurt.
  5. Kurt did not know it was Roy
  6. All Kurt cared about now, was his brand new toy.
  7. Roy, all of a sudden jumped out as a human,
  8. Kurt gagged and choked, as Roy ran
  9. Out of the Town, and Away from the place
  10. So fast, that he could Race
  11. The fastest Cheetah out of the Town
  12. And still win without sweat on his brow

[edit] Act XCVIII: Sing Hallelujah

  1. Just as Roy was out of town
  2. Out of the blue came someone in a dentist's gown
  3. Twas Dr Alban, a good doctor indeed
  4. Saving Roy from his plight would be his daily good deed
  5. Roy was saved & lead to safety
  6. And was given something tasty
  7. Something rather filling
  8. That did not involve killing
  9. As Roy was on his way
  10. He was given something that made his day
  11. World Cup tickets? That's right
  12. And Roy now felt alright

[edit] Act XCIX: "Roy was here!"

  1. It was a beautiful day
  2. It was just the right way.
  3. So Roy decided to go for walk,
  4. Instead of talk.
  5. Every step that Roy took,
  6. Roy looked down and took a look.
  7. There were several signs that said "Roy was here!"
  8. And his heart filled with fear!
  9. He'd been spraypainting again,
  10. For the signs numbered ten.
  11. He felt a tap on his shoulder
  12. And his blood ran colder
  13. 'Twas a mighty big cop
  14. Roy's heart near did stop
  15. The policeman flew off the handle
  16. He said "You're worse than a Wikipedia vandal!"
  17. "Look at this mess,"
  18. "you'd better confess!"
  19. "or you'll be spending your hours,"
  20. "not wanting to bend over in prison showers!"
  21. Now Roy had seen The Shawshank Redemption
  22. thus his guilt he thought he'd better mention.
  23. To a police cell Roy was taken
  24. In Baltimore, if he wasn't mistaken
  25. In fact, 'twas an insane asylum
  26. And his clothes were made of nylon (weak, I know...)
  27. He asked "why am I here?"
  28. "I'm not insane, I just want beer!"
  29. The reply "you're a dead, transexual clone"
  30. "which makes as much sense as lampshades made with bone"
  31. "So clearly you're crazy"
  32. "You've got an imaginary friend called Daisy!"
  33. So Roy, carrying his suitcase and film projector
  34. Was locked in a cell with Hannibal Lecter

[edit] Act C (the last act of this page): ?!?!

  1. Roy went for stroll along the seaside,
  2. Roy nearly tipped on his side!
  3. A huge seashell he had walked in,
  4. He thought he even saw a fin.
  5. He got sucked up,
  6. Then the fin went up.
  7. The fin spat him out,
  8. Roy sure did pout.
  9. Without a doubt, and eyes filled teary
  10. Clearly life was not so dreary
  11. As conclusions once directed
  12. Answers point to Love neglected
  13. This is Act C
  14. The next subpage is to see...
  15. Then, OMG! Pikachu attacked!
  16. It sure was a huge attack!
  17. He pushed Roy into the next subpage,
  18. But Roy liked this subpage!
  19. Pikachu locked the door to this subpage,
  20. And Roy could only stay on the new subpage...
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