Running gags on Around the Horn

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The ESPN sports talk "show of competitive banter" Around the Horn during its long run has developed certain comedic long-running gags, much like its sister show Pardon the Interruption, that longtime viewers will recognize and casual viewers may be unable to easily comprehend. Many of the gags revolve around the personalities of host Tony Reali and sports journalist guests such as Woody Paige, Jay Mariotti, Bill Plaschke, J.A. Adande, Tim Cowlishaw, Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Bob Ryan, and others who appear less frequently.

Contents

[edit] Reali

  • Introduction: The show usually begins with the four panelists being shown responding to something Reali says, in a structure such as, "You're looking at four of America's blank sportswriters," with the blank being filled by an adjective. Sometimes he will drop the "You're looking at," and sometimes he will use sportscaster Brent Musburger's football-game introduction phrase, "You are looking live at four of America's (fill-in-the-blank) sportswriters!"
  • Inside Information: Panelists try to milk Reali's love of the inside scoop for points, who purrs in a sing-song tone, "Inside in-for-MA-tion!"
  • Tony on Camera: As the sponsors are flashing up on screen between segments, viewers can occasionally see Reali in a variety of activities at his desk, i.e., getting shoes shined, being carried to his desk, or jumping up and down. Reali frequently points upward with both hands between the end of "The First Word" and the beginning of the advertisements. He also makes a show of dropping his notes or a newspaper on the desk when the announcer introduces him in the opening credits.
  • Ties: Reali will occasionally chide a panelist, usually Mariotti (or multiple panelists) for not wearing a tie. On occasion, all four panelists will be tieless. Also, when it comes time for a cut or winner of "The Showdown" if there is one player wearing a tie and one player without, Reali will state, "It takes a tie to break a tie" then giving the win to the player wearing a tie. The fact that Reali sometimes wears pink ties seems to escape criticism.
  • Culture Clash: Anyone (rarely Mariotti) making a jab at Reali's Italian roots or attire. This is usually directed right back at the panelists, particularly Smith and Paige. On the July 24, 2006 show, Reali blasted the panel for their lack of style, and asked whether Paige was wearing a shower curtain and if Cowlishaw was wearing a pajama shirt. On occasion, a panelist (usually Mariotti) will compliment Reali's clothes, and then get muted for apparent sarcasm.
  • Good Looking Man: Term used by Reali when talking about Andy Pettitte (who bears a resemblance to Reali) or any Italian athletes (such as the Italian World Cup Soccer team).
  • Movie Quotes: Panelists are frequently rewarded by Reali with points for quoting pop culture movies such as The Karate Kid ("Sweep the Leg"), or A Few Good Men ("You can't handle the truth!"). Sometimes this manifests itself in "Movie Line Friday," where the panelists try to give Reali the best possible movie quote in an effort to get a head-start on points, although sometimes the panelist will get muted. Reali shows a particular affinity for the film Goodfellas, which is frequently quoted by both him and the panelists - the latter, often in an attempt to suck up to Reali. Cowlishaw in particular is guilty of having done this in multiple occasions; on one occasion, losing by an insurmountable margin, he began analyzing a scene from the movie and even tried to sing the Donovan song Atlantis before Reali muted him.
    • Quoting Anchorman: In recent weeks, Tony has frequently used quotes from the movie "Anchorman." For example, after a recent Showdown Reali stated "You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight." Also, after showing a video of Carolina Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith vomiting on the sidelines during a game, Reali remarked that he was vomiting up "bits of real panther." On the December 11, 2006 show, Reali commented that the San Diego Chargers were "staying classy"
  • Karaoke Friday: As with "Movie Line Friday," the panelists try to give brief musical performances worthy of point head-starts. Neither "Movie Line Friday" nor "Karaoke Friday" is a regular feature, however.
  • Conspiracies: The other panelists often jump on Plaschke and Cowlishaw, whether they're on the show or not, for buying into every conspiracy theory. (Examples: Leagues prefer to have the New York City or Los Angeles teams, or teams with individual superstars such as LeBron James, go deep into the playoffs to get high TV ratings, and, as such, have the officials favor those teams with their calls; League vendettas against certain coaches or owners; Major League Baseball looking the other way on steroid use because fans love home runs; and so on.)
  • Stat Punk: Paige often makes a play on words of Reali's nickname, usually resulting in a deduction of his score before the game even begins.
  • The Story: After a particularly bad series of performances by a team, Reali may introduce a segment about them by saying, "And now, the story of the (name of team): They stink, the end!"
  • Two Men Enter: When the 2nd Cut is made, and the Showdown panelists are announced, Reali will make some sort of pronouncement, which has included the following:
    • "Two men enter, and one man earns a little respect around the neighborhood!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man gets one step closer to world domination!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man gets 30 seconds of uninterrupted face time!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man gets a little alone time!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man embarrasses himself a little less!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man is renamed Victor for a day!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man starts Happy Hour a little early!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man becomes master of his domain!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man gets thrown into a pit of despair!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man comes up large in his own building!"
    • "Two men enter, and one man's life changes forever!"
    • When Jackie MacMullan is one of the finalists, the phrase gets shortened to a gender-neutral, "Two enter, and one gets..." As of February 2007, MacMullan is the only female panelist in the show's history.
  • You Two Gentlemen: As the two panelists with by far the most appearances and the most wins, when the Showdown comes down to Paige and Mariotti, Reali will occasionally say, "Showdown between Paige and Mariotti! I believe you two gentlemen know each other!" This catchphrase has also been used when the Showdown comes down to Plaschke and Cowlishaw, and down to Adande and Smith.
  • As first reported...: A self-deprecating line often said by Reali at the top of a segment, to reference a well-known or past news story that is being rehashed or analyzed in more depth. (Example: on a Wednesday show, Reali might say: "As first reported on Around the Horn, the Steelers lost on Sunday.")
  • Paying the Rent: When introducing a topic about a player who has recently had a successful game or season, Reali will occasionally say, "It's [the player's] world and everyone else is paying the rent."
  • Looking for a MAN...: Whenever a team is expected to lose a big game, Reali will send the topic to the panelists by saying, "I am looking for a MAN to tell me that the (name of team) will win!" In other words, no guts, no glory, so be a man about it. Tony says "looking" with a long "oo" sound, rather than a short "oo," so that it rhymes with "spook" rather than the correct "book." When faced with this choice, Cowlishaw will not "man up," but will instead say, "No, Tony, I am not a man," and reveal why he thinks the favored team should be favored. Tony does not use the line when MacMullan is on the show.
  • Full Names: Reali sometimes uses the panelists' full names: "Woodrow Wilson Paige Jr."; "Jay Anthony Mariotti"; "William Grover Plaschke"; "William Timothy Cowlishaw." He will also occasionally get to Woody on a topic with the rhyming, "Wood-row, what do you know?"
  • I liked it better the first time...: During the "Showdown" round when the two panelists agree on a topic, Reali will usually give the point to the panelist who went first, by saying "I liked it better the first time when <first panelist's name> said it."

[edit] Paige and other Denver panelists

  • Look at the Schedule!: Panelists, most frequently Paige, base their predictions on the upcoming schedule for a team, and they are either ridiculed or rewarded for it, based on relevance.
  • Woody's Age: At 60, Paige is easily the oldest of the regular panelists, although semi-regular Ryan is four months older. Cowlishaw and Plaschke are 51, Mariotti is 48, Jackie MacMullan is 46, Adande is 36, Reali is 28, and Smith is only 27. Woody is often asked what it was like to interview such long-ago sports figures as Cy Young, Connie Mack, and Knute Rockne.
  • Woody's Chalkboard: Paige, during his move to New York, always humorously had odd, non sequitur phrases written on a small chalkboard behind him. He often changes the message during commercial breaks. Earlier in 2006, Paige ran a contest for the viewers, encouraging them to send emails with their own phrases, with the three best phrases sent in each day being displayed on the board with their name attached to it. Paige took the chalkboard with him when he returned to The Denver Post in late December 2006, though for roughly the first two weeks of his return, he was chalkboard-less.
  • Woody's Props: Paige also uses props more than any guest on the show, often drawing derisive comments from fellow guests, especially Paige's rival Mariotti.
  • Woody's Career: Making fun of how Paige's career revolves around the show, since he's stopped writing professionally. This gag is now defunct, since Paige, at the urging of his family, returned to The Denver Post on December 1, 2006.
  • Everybody Hates Woody: Paige makes some sort of ridiculous pun or prop gesture just before a cut, and is deducted down to whatever the lowest number needed to get him off of the show.
  • The Curse of Woody Paige: Recently, Paige has been in an unusual slump for someone of his winning record. Reali and the panelists refer to his slump as Woody's "Curse." Woody had gone winless in a string of 22 out of 23 appearances which started with the August 30, 2006 episode and ended with a win over Michael Smith in the October 13, 2006 episode. Paige did record a win in an episode that was supposed to air on October 11 but was wiped off the ESPN networks due to the breaking news story of the plane crash that killed MLB pitcher Cory Lidle. He won on December 5, 2006, and for the first few seconds of his Face Time, he looked stunned and struggled for a topic, finally settling on his sister's death from breast cancer. The next day, he feigned confusion, pretending to be still in shock over winning.
  • Woody & Dolly: The frequent and often redundant or poorly timed appearances of a blow-up doll in the studio with Paige, usually in reference to someone else.
  • Too Close to the Forest to See the Trees: Phrase used by numerous panelists (most often Paige) to disagree with another panelist, usually when the topic is occurring in the other panelist's city. (See also Mariotti's running gags below.)
  • Woody Paige Jr.: Armstrong, also of the Denver Post, likes to call himself Woody Paige, Jr. (as he bears a slight resemblance to Paige), ignoring the fact that there already is one, as Paige's full name is Woodrow Wilson Paige, Jr.
  • Ron Burgundy: Reali's comments on the loud suits that Armstrong occasionally wears.

[edit] Mariotti and other Chicago panelists

  • The Michael Jeffrey Jordan Card, and other Chicagoisms: Whenever a discussion of an all-time great player, team or moment comes up, Mariotti, the Chicago correspondent, will find a way connect it, and compare it unfavorably, to "Michael Jeffrey Jordan" and the 1990s Chicago Bulls dynasty, often using the full name. Reali once penalized Mariotti, saying, "I can't believe you played the Michael Jeffrey Jordan card!" Mariotti will also go on and on about the misfortunes of the Chicago Cubs, the controversies surrounding Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen (to the point where Guillen got in trouble with Major League Baseball for making public comments insinuiating that Mariotti is gay), and the current state of the Chicago Bears, whether good or bad. Mariotti's Chicago-centrism gets so intense that Paige, citing the Illinois city where the Bears have their training camp, will sometimes say, "Jay, you're so far into Lake Forest that you can't see the trees!"
  • Bringing up the rear: When coming back from commercial to start the "Out of Bounds" sequence, if Mariotti is in third place, Reali will say, "Jay Mariotti bringing up the rear with (number of points)!" Reali does not use this line that often anymore.
  • Mariotti's Sunglasses: Mariotti will wear his pair of sunglasses frequently throughout show segments. This is one of his few props, along with other articles of clothing. He doesn't normally wear the sunglasses during the actual show, but the part immediately after a commercial break, when they announce the sponsors, and sometimes during the introduction.
  • Jabroni: On occasion, Paige has called Mariotti "Jabroni" during an argument, although this doesn't happen as often as it used to. In one show, Paige scrawled on his chalkboard "WHERE'S JABRONI" during one of Mariotti's rare absences.
  • JAY MARIOTTI: Whenever Mariotti says something in a sense of panic or strong belief, Reali will often say, "So, JAY MARIOTTI..." and whatever the subject is.
  • Don't Panic: Whenever Mariotti starts backing away from a bandwagon or good player. This started after he dismissed the Chicago Bears' season, and Reali warned him not to panic. He brought the warnings up for another week or two.
  • The Hot Seat: Whenever an NFL team is playing poorly, Mariotti tends to suggest that the head coach is destined to be fired soon, that the coach is "on the hot seat." Reali will act surprised when Mariotti does not suggest that a losing coach is on the hot seat.
  • Mariotti Won't Wear a Tie: Lately while doing the show, Mariotti appears not wearing a tie, which usually contributes to being muted from the very beginning. In addition, Reali settles tiebreakers between Mariotti and any other panelist by giving points to the other panelist simply because they are wearing a tie (even if they aren't): Reali will say, "In order to break a tie, you must be wearing a tie!" Mariotti will say, "What? What?!?" Reali has on at least one occasion humorously ousted Mariotti for being "a little too tied down" on the rare occasion that he is actually wearing a tie, prompting Jay to exclaim that he only wore the tie to combat the aforementioned tie-breaking situation. On the December 20, 2006 show, Plaschke and Jackie MacMullan were tied at the end of two rounds, but Reali penalized MacMullan for not wearing a tie, as women usually don't. Reali said, "She got Mariottied!" Once, during a showdown between Cowlishaw and Mariotti, neither man was wearing a tie but Reali gave Cowlishaw the win anyway, saying Mariotti is not wearing a tie.
  • Mariotti was not one of the panelists on the August 28, 2006 episode, since he was substituting for Tony Kornheiser on Pardon the Interruption, whose studio is in the same Washington, D.C. complex as ATH's. Since his absence from ATH is a rarity, prior to each of the first two rounds, Reali asked the panelists if anyone was missing. They all said, "No!" After Adande got his face time on the episode, Mariotti appeared in Tony's chair out of nowhere, and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. As the sponsors rolled by, the panelists yelled at him, and Reali came storming back into the studio, trying to get him out of the desk.
  • Gene...: Reali complaining about how Gene Wojciechowski's name doesn't fit on the screen.
  • Would you please lay off of Rex...: Mariotti lambasted Bears quarterback Rex Grossman for the better part of the second-half of the 2006-07 season, even when the Bears went to the Super Bowl. Reali grew tired of Mariotti bringing Rex up in every topic that related to the Bears, and even in some that had no connection with the Bears whatsoever, that he told Mariotti to 'please lay off of Rex'. Reali has said this every time Mariotti brings up Rex during the show.

[edit] Los Angeles panelists

  • Reverend Bill: Plaschke's frequent moralizing produces comparisons, especially from Paige, to a prudish clergyman. One of Plaschke's most frequently used phrases is "Shame on you!" (occasionally thrown back at him by Reali or one of the panelists)
  • Nude Beach: A now-defunct gag. In late 2003, Plaschke mentioned during a show that he had once visited a nude beach. Due to Plaschke's personality and reputation as "Mr. Morality" and "Reverend Bill", this information was greeted with surprise and disbelief by his fellow panelists. Plaschke was mocked about this statement for several months afterward. Mariotti in particular brought it up so frequently that he was once muted by Reali for his apparent obsession with the topic. However, the nude beach is no longer referenced (except a passing reference by Woody in late 2006).
  • Shush!: Sometimes Plaschke will attempt to "mute" the other panelists by yelling, "Shush!" This usually doesn't work.
  • East Coast Bias: Los Angeles Times columnists Plaschke and (much less often) Adande frequently blast the network for buying into the sports world's bias of popular East Coast teams, and Reali's supposed bias towards East Coast columnists. They usuallly try to make up for this by hyping the USC football team, the Los Angeles Lakers or (more recently) the Clippers, the Los Angeles Dodgers or (more often Plaschke than Adande) the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Also, many complained in early episodes that Max Kellerman had an East Coast Bias for letting Ryan win much of the time.
  • Plaschke's baldness: Plaschke will occasionally hide his baldness with a cap, usually of one of the Los Angeles teams or his native University of Louisville. In November 2006, after Plaschke boldly predicted Louisville's undefeated football team would beat undefeated Rutgers, Jim Armstrong told him, "Plaschke, put the hat back on! You're blinding us!" referring to the glare of the TV lights off his head. (Rutgers ruined Plaschke's prediction by beating Louisville, and was then knocked from the ranks of the unbeatens in their next game, against the University of Cincinnati.)
  • The J.A. Adande Lounge: When Adande wins, he starts his Face Time with "Welcome to the J.A. Adande Lounge here in Los Angeles..." and names various celebrities who are "on hand," some of whom are actually connected with sports. Singer Beyoncé Knowles, a show favorite, "has a lifetime pass" to the Lounge. On one occasion, when the showdown came down to Adande and Smith, Smith said, "The lounge is closed today!" On the October 30, 2006 show, Paige had "Adande Lounge Closed by Health Inspector" written on his chalkboard. On December 14, 2006, Paige wrote on his board, "Adande Lounge Closed for Holidays." Each of these times, Adande won anyway. On January 8, 2007, Paige won the Showdown, but Reali awarded Adande the Face Time because "the Lounge hasn't been visited in a long time".
  • Jaws: When discussing football, Adande will occasionally impersonate ESPN football expert Ron Jaworski, which sometimes will gain him some bonus points from Reali and other times cause Reali to deduct points and mute him. On the January 3, 2007 show, Adande claimed that he received permission from Jaworski via e-mail to do the impersonation on the air.
  • Drumline: When Drumline, a film he likes, is scheduled to air on television on the night of a show, Adande will announce it by taking a pair of drumsticks, pretending to drum, and then letting one drop from his hand, in tribute to a scene from the film. Reali mutes him for this.
  • No NFL in L.A.: Plaschke and Adande's opinions on the NFL are frequently dismissed by the other contestants as invalid due to the fact that they work in a city without a pro football team. Plaschke will remind them of the recent success of the USC football team, and Reali will mute him and tell him that it doesn't count.

[edit] Dallas panelists

  • The Tim Cowlishaw NASCAR and Hockey Extravaganza: Cowlishaw deliberately talking or referencing NASCAR or NHL news when it's obvious that no one else cares. This usually comes in the Introduction, and Reali usually mutes him mid-thought, also known as Cowlishaw getting "Nascarded." This also sometimes happens when Cowlishaw tries to talk about hockey. A recent habit of Reali's is leaving a hockey topic for the Showdown, by which point Cowlishaw is usually eliminated, and Reali will then rub it in. Another recent gag is bringing up NASCAR or hockey topics on days Cowlishaw is absent from the show, referencing them as 'Cowlishaw not in today, so lets talk NASCAR/Hockey'.
    • During the July 18, 2006 episode, Tony Reali allowed Tim Cowlishaw to select the winner of the showdown. The question related to hockey, of which Cowlishaw is a large fan, and he chose J.A. Adande's response over Woody Paige's.
  • Cowlishaw, #3: Anytime Cowlishaw makes a jab at how rarely Reali gets to the 3rd showdown question.
  • Cowlishaw's Shameless Self-Promotion: Anytime Cowlishaw makes a comment of what he said in one of his articles, Reali responds by not muting Colishaw but rather deducting points until Colishaw stops talking about his column.
  • Cowlishaw Watching The Scoreboard: Cowlishaw is also one of the most known contestants to watch the scoring of himself in the game, and talk about it instead of the topic also resulting in deduction of points.
  • The BCS: Reali and most of the regulars hate the Bowl Championship Series, but Cowlishaw loves the BCS, because he thinks that anything that gets people talking about college football is good. It may also have something to do with the University of Texas having won the BCS in the 2005 season. Jim Armstrong is the only other panelist, regular or otherwise, who seems to like the BCS. On the January 4, 2007 show, Bill Plaschke claimed that Cowlishaw had "converted him" to the BCS as a result of the 2006-2007 bowl games being mostly exciting matchups.
  • Here's How They Stand: In December 2006, Cowlishaw began interrupting Reali's reading of the halfway-home scores when in the lead. Tony has begun to mute him for this little piece of shameless self-promotion.
  • Blackistone is the Word: Kevin Blackistone making a predictable comment before the show, most frequently "What's happenin' Tony?" Tony replies with, "Everything is everything."

[edit] Boston panelists

  • I go to Michael Smith...: Reali often says, "I go to Michael Smith for my NFL news" when Smith, formerly the New England Patriots beat writer for the Boston Globe, gives a football response. During the 2006 U.S. Open tennis tournament, Smith correctly predicted a major upset, and the next day Reali said, "I go to Michael Smith for my tennis information!"
  • Smith's rapping: Smith frequently uses his time during the Introduction to quote recently-popular and classic hip hop songs, especially those by East Coast rappers. This occasionally nets him bonus points.
  • Style and grace: The qualities Jackie MacMullan brings to the show, according to Reali, during her rare appearances
  • Red Sox Nation: Despite the Boston Red Sox having won the 2004 World Series, Ryan and MacMullan reflect the angst that never seems to leave Sox fans, especially where their nemeses, the New York Yankees, are concerned. To them, Sox fans are always doomed to be unsatisfied; even when it seems the team is doing well, it's just a matter of time before the injuries arrive, a feud between a player and management will start, or the Yankees will come in and start a lengthy Sox slump, and the Sox won't win it all, as if their 2004 title never happened and the Curse of the Bambino were still in effect. The much-younger Smith, a New Orleans native and a relatively recent arrival in Boston, doesn't seem to do this as much as MacMullan, a Boston native, and Ryan, who attended Boston College and started working for the Globe shortly after the Red Sox' 1967 "Impossible Dream" pennant, which remains a regular reference point in his columns.
  • THE Ohio State University: While Michael Holley was still on the show, any reference to a team or player of Ohio State University was referred to as "from THE ... Ohio State University," despite the fact that Holley has never attended school there. Ohio State athletes have long used the "THE..." prefix on television, such as during their introductions on Monday Night Football and more recently NBC Sunday Night Football

[edit] Links

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