User:Resolute/TSC
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 TSC front page as viewed in Mozilla Firefox 2.0 in Microsoft Windows XP |
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| URL | http://www.techcomedy.com/ |
|---|---|
| Commercial? | No |
| Type of site | Humor, Message Boards, Online virtual community |
| Owner | Hawk |
| Created by | Hawk |
Tech Support Comedy, or TSC, is a website dedicated to frustrated tech support workers from all over the world and the customers they deal with constantly. It was created by member Hawk, an ex-Tech Support worker, in March of 2000, originally as a web comic, but quickly grew into a bulletin board for reader submissions, and soon added the ability for members to comment on the submissions. Since then, the site has grown in both membership and content daily, with over 9,000 members and more than 60,000 story submissions. To date, TSC is the largest online community of IT workers found anywhere on the web.
Submissions to TSC include Tech Stories, Customer Misconceptions, Tech Support Rules, Customer Types, Co-worker Types, Customer E-mails, End User Phrase of the Day (or "EUPOTD"), Tech Songs, Cool Links, SoapBox, and finally Tech Calls, where actual calls to tech support can be heard. Also, an IRC chatroom exists: channel #TSC on the Nightstar IRC network. Membership in the IRC channel is open to all; it is not restricted to members of the site.
Access to most TSC content is unrestricted. Everyone may view it, but only members may add comments, or submit content. What you can submit, and how you can submit it is determined by your level of membership, which is separated into two levels. These levels are Regular Membership (a free membership), and Star Membership (given to members who have made a monetary donation to the site). While all members may post stories, tech support rules, customer misconceptions, customer and co-worker types, e-mails, EUPOTD's (End User Phrase of the Day), and cool links (see below for further details on each type) only Star Members may use HTML formatting when doing so. Star members also gain the ability to post Tech Songs, full access to the complete archive of Tech Calls and ability to post to the SoapBox, a specific area on the main page that everyone can see.
Contents |
[edit] Star members
Star Members have special privileges:
- Ability to
- Post to the SoapBox
- Post Tech Songs
- Post a Cool Link of the Day
- Include a signature in each post
- Use HTML code in posts
- Access to
- Full Tech Calls archive
Also, Star Members' nicknames are preceded by a small yellow star icon.
One-year Star Memberships are granted to members who give a monetary donation to the site. These donations help to maintain the site. After a year has passed, a Star Member reverts to a Regular Membership. There are two levels of Star Memberships:
- USD$20
- Includes all Star Member benefits
- USD$35
- Includes all Star Member benefits
- Includes most recent TSC Star Member T-shirt
[edit] TSC Submissions
The following is a list of the various types of submissions.
[edit] Cool Links
Links can be posted on TSC to be shared. These often consist of items to be discussed, new and different technologies, cartoon strips that showcase techs, or anything else the tech might find interesting and worthy of posting. The most recent post in this category appears below the other postings of the day on the front page. Only star members are allowed to post in this category.
[edit] Co–worker Types
This section holds descriptions of co-workers who fall into a particular, and often very irritating, category. The most vexatious, unendurable and thoroughly vile, earning no respect, are called "co-irkers," a reflection of their power - which they often show - to irritate one.
[edit] Customer Misconceptions
As the name implies, these are misconceptions that the customers have regarding tech support, which are often vastly different than the reality or possibility of a given situation.
[edit] Customer Types
Similar to the Co-Worker Type, these are customer types that tech support often finds irritating or otherwise difficult to deal with.
[edit] E-mails
E-mails that are (often unintentionally) funny, or only give the tech support personnel the most generic information or problem description, such as "my printer has a problem," without providing any information whatsoever about the printer or the problem, or "I can send, but not receive e-mail. Help!" without an alternate form of contact.
[edit] EUPOTD
EUPOTD stands for "End-User Phrase of the Day". These are usually short posts (traditionally only a few lines), consisting of things that were said to the tech that are usually unintentionally hilarious.
[edit] SoapBox
Only the most recent soapbox post is shown on the front page. When a new soapbox post is made, the previous one is permanently deleted. Also, soapbox posts do not have a comments system, so usually when a member wants to comment on or expand the current post, they copy the contents, append to it, and submit a new post. Only star members can post to the soapbox.
[edit] Stories
Traditionally longer stories that involve a humorous or unexpected ending. These include some elements of the other types of submissions, but in greater detail.
[edit] Tech Support Rules
Usually short, to the point, rules that techs often would like to post in a public and conspicuous place, for customers to read and follow.
[edit] Tech Songs
These are lyrics to songs written by TSC members, usually tech-themed parodies of well-known songs. Only star members can submit a post in this category.
[edit] TSC Community
Tech Support Comedy members pride themselves on being a strong, close knit community. To this end, they have not only provided tech support to each other, but also emotional support when needed (see karma request section below), whether through submissions, comments, the TSC Forum, chat rooms, or even real world meetings, including group "BBQ's".
[edit] TSC Definitions
Over time, TSC has developed several slang terms; some are used widely across the internet.
[edit] $deity
Often, when a tech support employee feels the need to write a post, and in it, complain to a higher power (see deity), they insert $deity, which is a play on programming code reference in several programming languages, to allow the reader to insert the higher power of their respective religion. This is due in no small part to the fact that people in the tech support industry comprise many differing faiths and beliefs, and is intended to ensure that the beliefs of anyone reading it, as well as the person writing it, are respected.
[edit] [dildo]
Used as a substitute for a model, brand name, or other specific reference to a piece of equipment which could identify the poster's employer or job. Most often this term is used in speaking of cell phones, PDAs, or wireless connectivity devices. The brackets follow certain computer language conventions and the style toggles used in phpBB message boards, similar to the use of string ($) in front of $deity as seen in the previous item. The term was first used by member Mushroom when he was supporting BlackBerry PDAs, as a reflection of what the device appeared to mean to many of its owners.
[edit] Bob
Bob is the collective name of a friend of the user who has looked at the computer and determined the problem, without specifically saying what it is (eg. saying it "won't boot" or "won't connect"), often because Bob has little or no computer knowledge. This can prove to be vexatious because the user will often take Bob's word over the tech, much to the annoyance of competent tech support personnel.
[edit] Brain Bleach
A product called upon to purge particularly disturbing images or bad experiences from one's mind. In many cases, "Brain Bleach" refers to any beverage that has a very high alcohol content.
[edit] farknugget
This term (alternatively used as fucknugget), is identical to starfish, but is often used in its place when the tech becomes quite frustrated and/or angry with the person they are trying to help.
[edit] headdesk
From time to time, someone (usually a starfish) will say something to a tech that is of sufficient stupidity that it causes the tech to cringe in pain. As a way of trying to alleviate said pain, the tech usually feels the need to hit their head repeatedly against the desk, wall, or any other appropriately hard surface by using this as an action in the conversation.
[edit] Judy Patch
Judy Patch is the ultimate nightmare of the tech support professional: the end user who thinks they know everything about computers, but who actually gets it all wrong. This stems from a user who has a web site on Angelfire, from which she claims to be selling DVDs full of the same misinformation that is present on her personal site. There is a running debate on the TSC site as to whether this is a joke or a serious site, and there was some small celebration when her site was hacked.
[edit] LART Shelter
Much like a bomb shelter, the LART Shelter is a non-existent place where people may try to hide from being attacked by a LART. Much like a real bomb shelter, by the time most people reach it, it is already too late.
[edit] Luser
Another name for end users. A combination of the terms "Lame" and "User"... An old Unix term. Pronunciation guide: "Remember, the 'L' in 'Luser' is silent."
[edit] Neep
A 'neep' is the sound an end user makes while endlessly complaining. The act of uttering a neep is called 'neeping'. 'Nop' is also used to refer to this, and the gerund form is similarly 'nopping'.
[edit] Otis
Otis is an aluminum bat, first devised by VacuumTubes. Traditionally, when using Otis, the sound <TINK> is used, which is the sound of an aluminum bat hitting most objects, especially the head of "starfish" when knocking sense into them. The term "Aluminum Justice" also alludes to Otis.
[edit] Rule #1
Rule #1 is simple... The customer always lies. It is a take on the old adage the customer is always right. Usually in customer service, the primary job is to make the customer happy; the job of tech support, however, is to make sure the customer's equipment is working as it was intended. Quite often, the problem was caused by the customer themselves, and when pressed, the customer will usually claim ignorance, such as saying "I didn't know deleting Windows would crash the computer," or outright deny any involvement. Also the customer might give contradictory statements, such as "I have Windows 2000 XP," when being prompted for their operating system.
[edit] Starfish
The most dimwitted of end users are most commonly referred to as 'starfish', or 'SF' (not to be confused with science fiction), as a generalization. The reason for this is that starfish have no discernable brain, and eat food through the same orifice they use to excrete bodily waste, and generally move about without any sort of forethought. Techs have thus made the comparison that end users are similarly brainless, lack any sort of basic common sense or ability to think ahead, and anything which comes out of their mouths is, by definition, as useful as bodily waste.
[edit] Suctomer
A portmanteau of 'suck' and 'customer'. Often used as an alternative to starfish. Most commonly used, within 'TSC', for those whose IQs are low as can be. Despite the techs' wish, this noun is required - to group the worst 'fish (by whom hate's inspired).
[edit] Whisky Tango Foxtrot?
The phonetic pronunciation of WTF, which actually stands for "what the f*ck?" Usually said incredulously in response to an EU's idiocy.
[edit] Acronyms
The following acronyms and jargon are used often in content available on the website and are compiled here for convenience (pending an actual Lexicon page).
[edit] BOFH
BOFH refers to Bastard Operator From Hell, usually a system administrator, network manager, or other senior computer tech, who takes delight in making ordinary users' lives miserable, and prides him/herself in finding new and increasingly creative ways of disrupting users' ability to work, while simultaneously having them leave the BOFH alone. The term itself is trademarked by Simon Travaglia, and is the title of his humorous series, "The Bastard Operator From Hell", published in The Register.
[edit] EU
Stands for End User, essentially anyone who uses the computer or piece of equipment in question. It does not necessarily refer to starfish (see above), since other techs are officially considered to be End Users. However, some people who post on TSC do use EU interchangeably with Starfish.
[edit] ID10T
ID10T is a common form of jargon among computer techs, who use this to denote that an error lies with the user, and not the computer. Quite often, it is something that was a stupid problem, only requiring a moment's worth of common sense to fix, such as the monitor not being turned on when the user complains of a computer not working. Even though the spelling syntax of it is similar to what is used by those who speak l33t, the term predates l33t (see article on ID10T). The Navy also uses the term in a similar context, referring to it as Indian December 1-0 Tango.
[edit] LART
LART stands for Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool. The LART is anything that can be used to physically, mentally, or psychologically knock a clue or common sense back into a Luser. The Cluebat and Clue-by-four are other general terms for such an implement.
[edit] MCB
An acronym for Miss CryBaby, a former female coworker of CommanderData. She provided CommanderData with much material for posting on TSC; however, she was fired in late 2003.
[edit] NSFW
NSFW stands for Not Safe For Work. As with many other sites on the Internet, users generally warn of NSFW content in links they post. Reasons to mark a link NSFW include nudity, excessive violence, excessive sound, or any other content that could potentially get the viewer fired and/or disciplined.
[edit] NT
While NT can refer to a version of Microsoft Windows, in the subject line of posts to the site, NT usually indicates that the post is not specifically tech-related.
[edit] OT
OT indicates that a post is "Off-Topic", or not pertaining to humor or technology. Generally, users are encouraged to limit off-topic content to the "Break Room" section of the Message Board.
[edit] PEBKAC
PEBKAC stands for "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair," and is used to denote that the computer issue is with the person making the call, not the computer itself, as users are traditionally the only thing between the keyboard and the chair. It can be alternatively spelled "PEBCAK", "PBKAC", and "PBCAK" (with the appropriate change in word order), but the pronunciation is the same for all variations. There have been a handful of reports of lusers and/or starfish using this term without knowing its meaning, to make it appear they are themselves techs, but the use of this term by someone outside of tech support is usually a dead giveaway that they are not in fact techs, since they often fail to use it in the proper context.
[edit] PFY
PFY stands for Pimply Faced Youth (or alternately, Pepsi Fetching Youth). While not used as often on TSC as some other terms, it does come up in discussions regarding new employees who have potential, but are still relatively new in the field of IT and/or Tech support. The PFY is traditionally regarded as an apprentice to the BOFH, often having to earn their way by being asked (or forced as the case may be) to perform menial tasks that a BOFH feels is beneath even the PFY. The term itself arose because such new people are often teenagers just entering the world of computing, stereotypically have acne, and usually would go to great lengths to earn their stripes.
[edit] ZGB
ZGB, or "Zombie Goat Bukkake", has become a symbol representing the worst porn conceivable. Whilst it has not yet actually been found on the internet (that anyone will admit to), it is rumored to exist. The term was coined by TSC Member CommanderData, and immortalized by another member (possibly Bynar) who has registered the domain zombiegoatbukkake.com, which fetches the contents of the requested page from TSC and replaces the title to "Zombie Goat Comedy: Tech Humor for Zombie Goats!".
[edit] Notable users
[edit] Hawk
Hawk is the webmaster of TSC, and responsible for its maintenance and upkeep. Though rare, he does make posts on occasion.
[edit] Burrkiss
Burrkiss is usually responsible for responding to posts that have unusual sexual overtones (see "Paging Dr. Burrkiss"), and whenever someone makes or responds to a post with such, they symbolically page him to make such comments.
[edit] CommanderData
CommanderData coined the terms MCB and ZGB (see above).
[edit] RiffRaff
RiffRaff is the resident Storm Chaser and frequent tormentor of his co-irker VacuumTubes. Married to the widely known, admired, (and feared!) Magenta
[edit] Digital Dogcow
Digital Dogcow is a Britain-based department head of an unnamed university's IT division. His frequent problems include confrontations with "academics" (teachers) who believe him to be a lowly servant and students with lacking IQ's who think he's there to support their iPod's, etc. He is probably the most formidable tech in all of TSC.
[edit] CaffeineHead
CaffeineHead Canadian ISP tech who coined the term "Bob" (see above). CH, as his TSC friends prefer to call him, is notable for an addiction to coffee and a hatred of his constant tormenter, Luser J. Dumbf*ck. Generally any time coffee or caffeine is mentioned, someone asks for CH's input on the subject.
[edit] Murphy's Law
Murphy's Law states "If something can go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible time." Virtually all members of TSC have come to learn about Murphy's Law and all its numerous derivations, either through experience, or through the stories of others. There are other deviations that have been added through the years, such as:
- "If there are several things that can go wrong, the one that will cause the worst damage will occur."
- "A person's printer will always jam the morning something important is due."
- "If a system is built that is foolproof, then only fools will use it."
- "The chances of a problem occurring are inversely proportional to the proximity of the person who can fix it." (Alternatively: "The one day an expert on a problem is out sick will be the same day that problem occurs")
- "There is never such a thing as 'just one more question.'"
These laws, and all corollaries, variations, etc., are considered required reading for anyone entering Tech Support. Many people who have several years of experience often add different laws or corollaries when they have had several years of experience.
[edit] Privacy on TSC
It should be noted that when users submit anything to TSC, they make it a point to alter any names, e-mail addresses or other identifying information on the posting to something generic. This is done to guard the privacy of those concerned in the post. For example, techs that post to TSC often change their own names to their usernames, replace the name of other parties to starfish, or EU, and obliterate the e-mail address and/or phone numbers to something that deliberately leads nowhere. Place of employment is often purposefully omitted or otherwise altered into something very basic and unidentifiable, since a number of companies frown upon any discussion of internal events, and doing so can potentially result in disciplinary action should the company discover and identify the person making the post.
[edit] Karma Requests
Occasionally, a tech may be going through difficulties in their life or job in one form or another, and put in a karma request. These requests provide a show of support and solidarity for fellow techs, since at other times, that tech may have given karma to another in a previous request that was made. Often each person has their own unique way of providing karma, and can also provide any advice or assistance as requested/needed. Not only does it show the aforementioned support, but it can also help serve to cheer up the tech who posted the request, since the karma delivery can often be done in a very humorous way. Traditionally, after the trouble passes, the tech makes a follow-up post, thanks all who helped, and symbolically returns any unused karma.
