User:Radioheadatmsg
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Taking the SGO To The Next Level: The Steven Esses Story
By far, the most influential, and controversial SGO President in Flatbush's history was Steven J. Esses, also known as "Beast" for his tenacity on the basketball court. His victory over Michael "The Bone" Mondrow is still talked about among almuni on the rare occurence they cross paths. Steven's 97% take in at the polls is still a Flatbush record. Sadly, so is his 24% approval rating.
Among Steven's "successes" are:
1) Three Met games (one a 16-4 shelacking of a loss), where all students who attended recieved a complimentary glatt kosher hot dog or a pretzel.
2) A Sunday event (Fall Ball or something) where students congregated in the school and played backgammon and other ethnic games. Ari Spodek was quoted as saying, "This sucks."
3) Shady fundraising. People were hurt.
4)Interclass Basketball tournament, followed by Dougies BBQ birthday celebration.
5) Juggling of the presidency, star of the school play, and basketball team captaincy, a venerable triple crown of jock-ularity (though there is much speculation that his full plate led to his demise on the basketball court < see foul shot meltdown vs. Flatbush rival HAFTR Hawks>)
6) Popularity of the underground Lounge a direct result of his commitment to sticking to the important issues.
7) He took us to that place where you like design plates and stuff on Kings Highway. You know that place. What's it called? I dunno, whatever. That place, you know it.
Famous election slogans:
1) Vote for Esses, he'll clean up your messes.
2) Vote Beast, Go Wild
3) If I win, I'll stop making posters.
4) Is that a pickle or a mole?
5) Beast- what's in your wallet?
Notable Family:
Joe Esses- Father... hockey fan
Cheryl Esses- Mother, just bought a new bike at Toys R' Us. Quoted as saying, "It rides like a dream."
Abie Esses- Brother. Because of him, Steven will be an uncle.
Leo "the Leach" Esses- Brother. Recieved nickname, because in medieval times, when people got sick, Leo would suck their blood. Also remedied crisis of fat fries at Kosher Delight by suggesting "get them well done."
Gary Esess- Brother. Recently shaved his head.
Notable friends:
1) Michael Shamah (Little Mikey)- Mortgage banker
2) David Chabbott- Coffee Master at Gillies Coffee Company, America's Oldest Coffee Merchant.
3) Michael Kadoch- Prospective Doctor
4) Joseph Tobias- Prospective Physical Therapist
5) David Toledano- Investemnt Banker, graduate of James Madison High School
6) Steven "Big Smoof" Galapo- Certified Business Genius
7) Ezra Azizo- The Prince of Ties
8) Daniella Lichtman- Angelina to his Brad
Little Known Facts About Steven
1) Appeared as lead actor "Frank" in the Yeshivah's production of "Annie Get Your Gun"
2) In 2000, led the Yeshivah basketball League in Points scored.
3) Has never been married.
4) To his college friends, goes by the name "hono" (pronounced as if the N has that little Spanish thing over it).
5) Dances in the dark.
6) Graduate of Columbia University in 2005- Suma Cum Laude
7) Currently Attends Mt. Sinai Medical School
8) Favorite Restaurant- Kosher Delight (Avenue J and East 13th street)
9) At Colombia University was member of the acapella group "The Colombia Kingsmen".
Related Story- Art Garfunkel was also a member of the group, and during Sophomore year Steven actually resided in Art's apartment. During that semester Art's ghost supposedly supplanted itself in Steven's body and forced him to grow his hair into a wierd afro. By the Spring, Art had left Steven's body to cause mayhem in other venues. Speculation led to teh belief that Steven just did not want to pay for a haircut. After a thorough investigation, it had been discovered that Art had neither taken over Steven's body or died. After the ensuing controversy, Steven was quoted as saying "It's just water under the bridge... troubled water."
10) In December 2006, will appear in Robert Deniro directed film "The Good Shepherd" as "choir boy # 6".
11) Political Affiliation- registered Democrat (possible Communist ties assumed ever since his suggestion as President to institute "Shared Lunch Program." Later discovered to just be ploy so as to pay same as everyone else but order more food, there by recieveing greater "bang for your buck." Later, system title changed to "Split System")
