Omiai
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Omiai (Japanese: お見合い) or miai (the o is honorific) is an old Japanese custom whereby unattached individuals are introduced to each other to consider the possibility of marriage. In China, this custom is called xiang qin (Chinese: 相親).
Considered more a merging of households than individuals, arranged marriages were popular among the samurai class as a way to cement alliances and, in prewar Japan, the majority of all marriages were arranged. After World War II, the trend was to abandon this restrictive arranged-marriage system, in favour of more Western ideals of love marriages.
Arranged marriages are still seen today as a way to ensure a good match and are no longer as restrictive. The initiative for arranged marriage introductions often comes from the parents who may feel that their son or daughter is of a marriageable age, but has shown little or no sign of seeking a partner on their own. Other times, the individual may ask friends or acquaintances to introduce potential mates in a similar way. Parents may enlist the aid of professional matchmakers, nakōdo (Japanese: 仲人) (intermediary or go-between, literally "middle person") who charge a fee to provide pictures and resumes of potential mates who are rich, cultured and/or well-educated. The word Omiai is used to describe both the entire process as well as the first meeting between the couple with the matchmaker and often couple's parents present. Omiai are often carried out in expensive tea shops or hotels with all present dressed in formal attire. Company bosses may also search out mates for single male employees who are about to be sent abroad. Over the next few subsequent dates, the couple will discuss whether they want to get married or not.
In the modern form of this custom, it is the couple that makes the final decision whether to marry or not. Quite often one side or the other will veto the idea of a union, and the matchmaker will then introduce other prospects. Japanese children seek to take their parents' wishes into account, and may, for example, turn down an attractive prospect if the parents are opposed. Polite refusals are made through the nakōdo, who tactfully expresses regret to avoid loss of face to either party.
If a union is successfully negotiated, the groom and his parents will pay a visit to the bride's family and present them with yuino (Japanese: 結納), a dowry, intended in part to offset the expenses involved in paying for the wedding.
In Japan, there is considerable debate about the relative merits of omiai marriages versus ren'ai marriages (i.e. matches based on romantic love). The traditional view of love in Japan was volatile, unpredictable and unlikely to last; similar in some ways to the view in Romeo and Juliet: "like fire and powder, Which as they kiss, consume." Omiai is often presented as a more practical alternative, focusing on the man's ability to provide for the family, and the woman's cultural attainments, such as the ability to arrange flowers or do the tea ceremony.
The higher the age of a husband or wife at their marriage, the more likely it is that the marriage is arranged. Love marriages occur more frequently in urban areas than in rural areas.
