Nursie
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
| Blackadder character | |
 |
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| Nursie | |
|---|---|
| Nationality | English |
| Occupation(s) | Former childhood nurse of Queen Elizabeth I |
| First appearance | Bells |
| Last appearance | Back & Forth |
| Episode count | 8 (6, +2 specials) |
| Played by | Patsy Byrne |
Nursie was a regular character in season 2 of the popular BBC sit-com Blackadder, appearing in all six episodes. She also appeared in two of the Blackadder specials.
Contents |
[edit] Character
Once Queen Elizabeth I's childhood nurse, now either senile or irreversibly stupid, Nursie remains at court due to Queenie's lingering fondness or loyalty. Lord Blackadder described her perfectly as a "sad, deranged old woman with an udder fixation." Nursie frequently embarrasses the Queen by telling tales about her childhood, prompting Queenie's standard reply of "Shut up, Nursie." She is also known for her complete non sequiturs in conversation.
Nursie is a caricature of the doting nursery maid or nanny, who at the drop of a hat launches into long disquisitions on her charge's brilliance and wit. She bears a strong resemblance to the nurse in Romeo and Juliet, [1].
[edit] Character development
Nursie's character changes very little; she remains oblivious to the current topic of conversation, obsesses over cows, and offers irrelevant comments and useless advice.
[edit] Blackadder II
[edit] Bells
Nursie's first appearance is in Bells, in which we find out that her real name is Bernard (her sisters were Donald, Eric and Basil), and in which she recalls how Elizabeth was first mistaken for a boy:
- "Out you popped, out of your mummie's tumkin and everybody shouting, "It's a boy, it's a boy!" And somebody said, "But it hasn't got a winkle!" And then I said "A boy without a winkle? God be praised, it's a miracle. A boy without a winkle!" And then Sir Thomas More pointed out that a boy without a winkle is a girl, and everyone was really disappointed."
As with much of the history in Blackadder, there is some truth to this. Elizabeth's father, Henry VIII, refused to consider the possibility that his second wife Anne Boleyn might bear him another unwanted girl, and had the birth announcements drawn up ahead of time with the word "Prince." When Elizabeth was born, all the documents had to be altered by the addition of a small "ss." Everyone was really disappointed.
[edit] Head
Nursie demonstrates her medical training by explaining that when one's head has been cut off, the best treatment is ointment. Queenie's response, "Shut up, Nursie", is the first time we hear this famous tagline.
[edit] Potato
Thanks to Nursie's excellent memory, we find out that Queenie's first words when a child were "Lizzie go plop! plop!" Nursie finds out that Queenie's bottom might be big enough to be "forced 'twixt two splintered planks, to plug a leak and save a ship!" and gets engaged to the man who said it, Captain Redbeard Rumm, despite his having "no legs and a beard you could lose a badger in." Alas, Rum is eaten by cannibals and Nursie is left with only his beard, which she wears devotedly.
[edit] Money
Nursie's attitude towards the disciplining of children is shown in this episode, when Queenie and Melchett play a very weak practical joke on Edmund. Queenie later admits that it was "very naughty."
- "It was, my little rosebud. If you weren't quite so big, it'd be time for Mr. and Mrs. Spank to pay a short sharp trip to Bottyland."
[edit] Beer
More of Nursie's dubious medical training is revealed when she treats Lord Melchett's vicious hangover by pushing -- hard -- on his stomach. The result, as she says, is "such great and fruitsome flappy woof-woofs! One can scarcely...one can't believe one's tiny noseling!" She also offers Queenie some excellent advice, reminding her that excessive cleverness can result in loss of appendages:
- Nursie: You're so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.
- Queen: Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas? Your foot falls off?
- Nursie: It certainly does. My brother, he had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off...
[edit] Chains
After a brief reminiscence about Queenie's childhood ("In the old days, it was all difficult choices. Should you have Nursie milk or moo-cow milk? Of course, it was always Nursie milk, ha-ha. But then left breasty-dumpling or right breasty-dumpling? Of course, it was always both breasty-dumplings, ha-ha. Aah, but then which one first?"), she announces that she intends to come to the fancy-dress party as a bit of wood, or a pencil. Reminded that she always comes as a cow, she responds, "Yes, that's right! A lovely lovely cow with great big lovely udders. I swiggle around going 'mmmoooooo! Come to Nursie Cow, you lovely little heifers!' "
[edit] The specials
[edit] Blackadder's Christmas Carol
The Ghost of Christmas Past gives Ebenezer Blackadder a glimpse of his ancestor Lord Blackadder at the Court of Queen Elizabeth, and Nursie of course makes an appearance. Her robotic descendant is also featured during a glimpse into the future, as one of Queen Asphyxia XIX's triple husbandoids. She mistakes a laser gun for an ashtray.
[edit] Blackadder: Back & Forth
Nursie is present at the meeting of the late-twentieth century's incarnation of Blackadder when he time-travels back to her era and introduces the humble polo mint to the court and punches Shakespeare "for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next four hundred years".
[edit] Quotes
Bells
- Queen: [Bob] is a very odd name for a girl, isn't it? Girls are normally called Elizabeth. Or Mary.
- Nursie: And Donald...
- Queen: Mouth is open Nursie, should be shut.
- Nursie: But it's true, sweet one. I had three sisters and they were called Donald, Eric and Basil.
- Queen: Then why's your name Nursie?
- Nursie: That ain't my real name.
- Queen: Isn't it?
- Nursie: No.
- Queen: What is your real name, then?
- Nursie: Ah. Bernard.
- Queen: Everyone seems to get married except me.
- Nursie: And me, Ma'm.
- Queen: Oh shut up, Bernard.
Head
- Nursie: Ointment! That's what you need when your head's been cut off! That's what I gave your sister Mary when they done her. "There, there," I said, "you'll soon grow a new one."
- Queen: Shut up, Nursie.
- Queen: [The dungeon] is a bit smelly too, isn't it?
- Nursie: Ah well of course I'm used to that. In the mornings when you were a little baby ....
- Queen: Shut up, Nursie.
Beer
- Nursie: Well, it's just one excuse after another, isn't it? Next thing, he'll be trying to get out of having his bath altogether.
- Queen: He isn't talking about baths, Nursie.
- Nursie: Well, he should be! How else is he going to keep clean? Soon he'll be saying he doesn't want his nappy changed!
- Queen: Lord Blackadder doesn't wear a nappy.
- Nursie: Well, in that case, it's even more important that he has a bath!
- Queen: Shut up, Nursie.
Chains
- Queen: What sort of party should it be? Nursie?
- Nursie: I think it should be one of those ones where everybody comes with nothing on at all.
- Queen: Shut up, then.
- Queen: What could be more fun than people dressing up as frogs and rabbits and nuns?
- Nusie: And bits of wood.
- Edmund: We told [Prince Ludwig] that, if the Queen was having a party, Nursie always goes as a cow. From that moment, he was doomed. All we had to do was escape, return, and kill the cow.
- Queen: How could you be sure it was not Nursie?
- Edmund: Because, My Lady, Ludwig was a master of disguise, whereas Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with a udder fixation. All we had to do was kill the one that looked like the cow.
Christmas Carol
- Nursie: Pity about this, Tinky-wink. You always used to love this time of year...
- Elizabeth: I know -- leaving a little mince pie and a glass of wine out for Father Christmas, and then scarfing it because I was a princess and could do what I bloody well liked...
- Nursie: ...and wondering if your father's wife would last until Boxing Day without having her head cut off.
| Blackadders | Other Characters | The Series | |
|---|---|---|---|
|
In chronological order
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The Black Adder
Blackadder II |
Blackadder the Third Blackadder Goes Forth |
In chronological order |
