Miss Susie

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Miss Susie (also Miss Suzy, Miss Lucy, Miss Molly or Miss Mary) is the name of a schoolyard rhyme in which almost each verse leads up to a rude word or profanity, which then appears at the start of the next verse as part of an innocuous word or phrase. Sometimes various hand signs accompany the song, such as making a phone with one's hand at the "hello operator".

The most common version goes as follows:

Miss Susie had a steamboat

The steamboat had a bell {ding ding}

Miss Susie went to heaven

The steamboat went to

Hello operator

Give me number nine

And if you disconnect me

I'll chop off your

Behind the refrigerator

There sat a piece of glass

Miss Susie sat upon it

And cut her big fat [or And it went right up her]

Ask me no more questions

Tell me no more lies

The boys are in the bathroom

Zipping up their

Flies are in the city,

The bees are in the park

Miss Susie and her boyfriend

Are kissing in the

D-A-R-K D-A-R-K

Dark is like a movie

A movie's like a show

A show is like a TV screen

And that is all

I know I know my mother

I know I know my pa

I know I know my sister

with the 80 acre [or 18-hour] bra-bra-bra!

A possible alternate for the last two verses is:

D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K

Dark, dark, dark!

Darker than the ocean,

Darker than the sea,

Darker than the underwear

My mommy puts on me... see?

An extended ending sometimes heard is (after the 80 acre/dollar bra part):

My mom gave me a nickel

My dad gave me a dime

My sister gave me her boyfried

And he was Frankenstein

He made me wash the dishes

He made me wash the floor

He made me wash his underpants

So I threw him out the door

I threw him over London

I threw him over France

I threw him to Hawaii

Where he learned the hula dance!

My mom is like Godzilla.

My dad is like King Kong.

My brother is the stupid one,

Who made me sing this song-song-song!

Yet another ending that comes after the 'bra' part goes as follows:

My father gave me an apple

My mother gave me a pear

My brother gave me 50 cents and pushed me down the stairs.

I gave back the apple

I gave back the pear

I gave back the 50 cents and pushed him down the stairs!

Another alternate ending, sung after the Hula Dance verse, runs:

Hello Operator

Please give me number ten

And if you disconnect me,

I'll sing this song again!

[edit] Allusions

The rhyme is sometimes referenced in popular culture:

Bob Saget sings a similar song at the end of his live comedy act.
In the White Stripes song "Hello Operator" (on the album De Stijl): "Hello operator / Can you give me number nine?"
In the Self song "Pattycake" (a reminiscence of the narrator's 1970s childhood, on the album Gizmodgery, which was performed using only children's toy instruments): Verses 2 through 4 and a modified version of verse 5 as a bridge.
In The Simpsons episode Bart Sells His Soul, Sherri and Terri sing, "Bart sold his soul, and that's just swell / Now he's going straight to / Hello operator / give me number nine" in Bart's nightmare.
In The Simpsons episode Fat Man and Little Boy, Lisa and her friend Janey recite this rhyme. An eavesdropping Homer gasps whenever he expects profanity and lets out sighs of relief when they turn out to be innocuous.
In South Park, Wendy Testaburger has a similar song ("Miss Landers was a health nut...").
On Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko and Heffer sing the first few bars of the song on a car trip.

[edit] Related

Other popular songs and poems employ similar gimmicks for humorous effect:

the folk song "Sweet Violets" ("There once was a farmer who took a young miss / In back of the barn where he gave her a / Lecture...")
various versions of the poem which substitute the name "Suzanne" for "Miss Susie" - ("Suzanne was a lady with plenty of class / Who knocked 'em dead when she wiggled her / Eyes...")
Dr. Demento mainstay Benny Bell's 1946 song "Shaving Cream": "I have a sad story to tell you / It may hurt your feelings a bit / Last night when I walked into my bathroom / I stepped in a big pile of / Shaving cream, be nice and clean / Shave everyday and you'll always look keen"
Dr. Demento has also played "In my country" as sung by the Lemon Sisters from The Groundlings.
Through the mirror on the CD Into the Electric Castle by Ayreon is a dialogue between two warriors sung in similar way.
Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue included on their first album a Bob Dylan pastiche called "Polka Dot Undies" which subverts the "Miss Susie" structure by repeatedly leading up to a rude rhyme before suddenly veering off, much of the time to the phrase "polka dot undies"; the song ends with the lines: