User:Metamatic

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Recently, Wikipedia user [Essjay] was discovered to have lied extensively. For example, he claimed to be a tenured professor of theology when he in fact never went to college. Jimbo Wales responded that "I don’t really have a problem with it"[1]; see also discussion of the Essjay incident on his talk page.

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[edit] About metamatic

Metamatic is the Wikipedia ID of Norman Ian Vader. He was born in 1961 as Norman Kennedy, in Schenectady, NY, the son of Marilyn Monroe and John F. Kennedy Jr, his first name being derived from his mother's birth name.

Vader was born in a secret CIA/Air Force genetics laboratory in Area 51, thanks to Monroe's ova and JFK's sperm having been cryogenically frozen prior to their untimely deaths. The experiment was overseen by Dr Wolf Szmuness, who deemed it a failure and placed the child with foster parents, where he adopted the name Norman Ian Vader.

A child prodigy, he went to college at the age of 12, attending Arkham College in Massachusetts to study Eldritch Literature.

After graduation, Vader quickly gained a reputation as an author of experimental fiction under the pen name Norman Conquest. His first novel, "The Speedboat of Wanda Astor in North Dakota", led to his being nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature in 1983, but he eventually lost out to William Golding.

His second novel used the controversial literary device of Scratch and sniff strips along the bottom of the pages. "A Smell in the Dark" was critically panned. Some reviewers, such as the New York Times, criticized the choice of a skunk as protagonist; a choice which Vader claims was vindicated by the later success of the The Cat Who series by Lillian Jackson Braun. Other reviewers, like the Times Literary Supplement, merely stated that "it stinks", and left it at that.

Offended by this critical savaging, Conquest responded with his third novel, the even more shamelessly experimental "Smeared With Glue". While several reviewers admitted that once they started reading it they couldn't put it down, commercial success was short-lived after it became apparent that bored teenagers were sniffing it. The publisher was forced to pulp all remaining copies to prevent teens getting high on literature.

Meanwhile, Vader's academic career had continued. His PhD thesis on links between the Necronomicon and the literature of Tlon resulted in his being offered tenure at Arkham U. He accepted, becoming Emeritus Professor of Forbidden Science in the Department of Things Man Was Not Meant to Know.

[To be continued]