List of The Colbert Report episodes (2007)

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The Colbert Report

This list of episodes of The Colbert Report details information on past and upcoming 2007 episodes of The Colbert Report, a popular Comedy Central show hosted by Stephen Colbert, and produced by Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Ben Karlin. Colbert plays the role of a populist blowhard journalist character, similar to his character on The Daily Show. In The Colbert Report, the former correspondent becomes the host of his own parody of media pundit programs, such as The O'Reilly Factor and Hannity and Colmes.

There are a number of noteworthy recurring elements in most episodes of The Colbert Report. Each episode features a "wørd of the day" which serves as a theme for a monologue early in the episode, each has a studio guest later in the episode, and each begins with a brief summary of what the episode will contain, followed by an introductory phrase and then by the theme music. This introductory phrase very often inserts the word truth into a common phrase, such as "Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area," or says "this is The Colbert Report," though there are exceptions.

1 Season 3 (2007)
2 See also
3 External link

[edit] Season 3 (2007)

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[edit] January

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest	Introductory phrase	Prod#
194	January 8	Facts	Ethan Nadelmann	"On the 15th day of Christmas, your true love gave you me. This is The Colbert Report!"	3001
Stephen opens the show disappointed that Saddam Hussein was suddenly hanged over the show's break. He responds to Lake Superior State University's ban of the word 'truthiness' in "Who's Attacking Me Now?", and gay.com's naming of Stephen as Person of the Year in "Who's Honoring Me Now?"; gives "Stephen's Sound Advice" for getting over the winter blues.

195	January 9	Texas Hold 'Em	Jim Cramer	"I'm the frosting on America's cake! Tonight, I'll let you lick the bowl. This is The Colbert Report!"	3002
Freem replaces superstantial in the opening sequence. Stephen thanks former Archbishop of Warsaw Stanisław Wielgus for being caught in a Catholic Church scandal of a non-sexual nature; scorns Democrats for taking a day off Congress for the college football National Championship game, with quick suggestion of taking a day off for a Ontario Junior League Hockey game; begins new segment "We the MEdiator" to pick sides in celebrity feuds, featuring Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie vs. Madonna, and Amitabh Bachchan vs. Shahrukh Khan; and ends the show in tribute to James Brown by declaring himself the new hardest working man in show business.

196	January 10	Worry	David Kamp	"Who's buried in Grant's tomb? Give up? I hope the police do too. This is The Colbert Report!"	3003
Stephen criticizes Bush for not sending 300 million troops as Stephen advised the day before but he pardons him if this is "the only mistake he makes in this war". He then talks about illegal immigration in a new segment called "Invasion of the Country Snatchers" and about the new Democratic senator of Missouri and it's liberal legislation in the Wørd-Segment. After the break there is a new episode of Stephen's Tek Jansen adventures.

197	January 11	None	Ken Roth Judy Woodruff	"Tonight's show is an anagram. Can you unscramble it in time? This is The Colbert Report!"	3004
Stephen starts with another episode of his challenge "What Number is Stephen thinking of?" with a clip from 2005. He then celebrates 5 years of Guantanamo Bay and talks to the executive director of Human Rights Watch, Ken Roth. After that he does a "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the finger", double-wagging Apple (claiming this is his first double-wag) for 1) changing their name to "Apple, Inc." and 2) bringing out the iPhone. He urges Apple to stop bundling new apps into gizmos, before they start coming after John Connor. He then talks to Judy Woodruff about the "Generation Next", blaming Jon Stewart when he hears that most young people are liberal-minded.

198	January 15	Victory!	Alex Kuczynski	"Don't watch tonight's show if you're in jail, because the truth will set you free. This is The Colbert Report."	3005
Wishing viewers a happy Martin Luther King Day, Stephen calls for a nationwide lie-in to refuse engaging in "anything at all", in the style of passive protest such as Rosa Parks, then attacks Senator Barbara Boxer for comments suggesting Condoleezza Rice has no personal ties to the Iraq War. Stephen praises the army for lowering recruitment expectations in order to be filled; channels last week's guest Jim Cramer for a new financial segment "Stephen's Bears and Balls" focusing on real estate, oil, Cingular's name change, soy milk, and beef jerkey.

199	January 16	Symbolic	Dinesh D'Souza	"Before we begin, I need to do my vocal warm-ups. Me, me, me, me, me, me! This is The Colbert Report."	3006
In anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday, Stephen lashes out at Jimmy the director for a squeaky chair. In a new segment "Invasion of the Country Snatchers", Stephen profiles immigration issues, from an Italian-descended anti-immigrant possible Presidential nominee, to a chain of pizza restaurants which accept pesos, segueing into Letters from Iwo Jima winning the Best foreign Film Golden Globe. In another "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report", Stephen covers David Beckham playing for Los Angeles, and an anti-Colbert movement of fans throwing teddy bears on the ice when the Saginaw Spirit played the Oshawa Generals in the Ontario Hockey League.

200	January 17	None	Lynn Swann Richard A. Clarke	"It's our 200th episode, our bi-centennial: Where is my commemorative quarter, U.S. mint?! This is The Colbert Report!"	3007
Still in anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday Stephen is more nervous than the day before, bringing out some cherished objects he plans to show O'Reilly the next day. He then talks about the NFL play-offs with Lynn Swann, trying to trash talk all teams except the New Orleans Saints who he favors. After the break "Better know a district" continues with Washington's 3rd Congressional District representive Brian Baird.

201	January 18	Go It Alone	Bill O'Reilly	"Caution, you are about to watch me enter a no-spin-zone. This is The Colbert Report!"	3008
The big day is here, so Stephen is crazy with anticipation that Bill O'Reilly will be on the show, stating that his only goal with this show was to see this day, which makes him reveal a "Mission Accomplished" banner and open the last door on his "Bill O'Reilly advent calender" (in which he finds Geraldo's mustache). He then turns back to US politics talking about Bush's plans to rise the troop levels in Iraq. He then talks about fights between celebrities on his segment "We the MEdiator", rethinking his last weeks judgements.

202	January 22	Exact Words	Thomas Schaller	"Hey America. I was thinking if you're not busy for the next half-hour, maybe you'd like to, I don't know, you know, watch the show? It's not a date or anything; we're just hanging out. This is The Colbert Report!"	3009
Stephen is disappointed at the loss by the New Orleans Saints to the Chicago "God-less killing Machines" Bears. In another "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?", Stephen calls out Bill Clinton for speaking at Knox College after Colbert already had, and artist Terence Koh for selling sperm (in his art) after Stephen's Formula 401 line. The Word is based on the refusal of Alberto Gonzales to admit a right of the people not stated specifically in the Constitution. In another "Stephen Colbert's Balls For Kidz", gambling is discussed.

203	January 23	None	Michael S. Steele	"Stay tuned for 22 minutes of highlights from tonight's show. This is The Colbert Report."	3010
Stephen explains that this is the second of two episodes they taped on January 22, so that he can host a State of the Union address party on the 23rd. Russ Lieber appears in-studio to comment on new laws of the Democrat-controlled Congress. A new Threatdown is "Media Watchdog" themed.

204	January 24	Great News	Lou Dobbs	"Cleanliness is next to Godliness: Churches, fill your baptismal fonts with Purell."	3011
Lou Dobbs, author of "War on the Middle Class," faces the truth hammer when he sits down to talk with Stephen.

205	January 25	S.M.A.F.U.	Mike Wallace	"Nation, It's time to grab the bull by the horns! If there are no horns, you're grabbing a cow, stop it! This is the Colbert Report!"	3012
Bill O'Reilly spills the beans on Stephen, and says what he really thought of him on his show. Stephen interviews Coach Bob Mancini of the Saginaw Spirit. And he doesn't like how he stands on the SMU dispute over Bush's library.

206	January 29	Wikilobbying	Barry Lando	"A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel, make up your mind, we're at war. This is the Colbert Report!"	3013
Colbert wins bet with mayor of Oshawa after Saginaw Spirit defeated Oshawa Generals. Colbert discusses Microsoft paying someone for Wikipedia edits, and concludes that reality has become a commodity. Wag of the finger to Scientology, which named Tom Cruise as the "Christ" of the cult.sa

207	January 30	None	Donna Shalala	"I am the Hall to America’s Oates. This is The Colbert Report!"	3014
Stephen opens the show by showing a clip from Fox News' Fox and Friends, talking about the invisible beam that makes a person think he is on fire. Stephen then talks about how he stole his neighbor's New York Times and argues with David Leonhardt about what one could do with $1.2 Trillion. This is followed by a new segment, "Judge, Jury, and Executioner" and ends by revealing the new microwave (fitted with a Colbert Report logo) which he would be sending to Bill O'Reilly after stealing his earlier.

208	January 31	Black Sheep	Jed Babbin	"Warning, the contents of USA Today are really about the USA yesterday. This is The Colbert Report!"	3015
Stephen opens the show by discussing the "problem" with Global Warming and in protest replaces Bobby with a 5000 Watt heat lamp. This is followed by the return of the "On Notice" board and the introduction of the "Fantasies" board. Jane Fonda (his fantasy) and The Weather Channel are placed on notice and Lutherans and E Street Band are taken off. This is followed by the 39th installment of Better Know a District (New York's 6th--Gregory Meeks)

[edit] February

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest	Introductory phrase	Prod#
209	February 1	We Shall Overcome	Chuck Schumer	"Super Bowl Sunday isn’t for three more days, but Colbert Report Thursday starts right now! This is The Colbert Report!"	3016
Stephen comments on the 2007 Boston Mooninite Scare that occurred in Boston and laments the fact that he can no longer proceed with his obviously threatening-looking advertisements. This is followed by the "Movies Destroying America" segment, commenting on Steve Carrell's nomination and Ellen DeGeneres hosting. The show is ended by Stephen presenting "The Most Poetic F#@king Thing I've Ever Heard"

210	February 5	Second Opinion	Wendy Kopp	"Hey! Peyton Manning! I’m going to Disneyworld, too! Let’s go halfsies on a Day Pass! This is The Colbert Report!"	3017
Stephen is ecstatic at the slaughtering the Bears underwent in Super Bowl XLI. Also, he introduces a new product "Formula 419" (A combination of his Formula 401 and 18, Peyton Manning's Jersey number). Then, Stephen notes that Stephen Jr. has returned from Canada and back into Washington (unfortunately in Washington's 3rd, where Better Known representative Brian Baird has lobbied for a new hunting law). Stephen asks residents of North Oregon to lure Stephen Jr. out. This is followed by the Threatdown: Energy Efficiency, Giant Mexican Babies, Naked People, Miss America, Valentine Candy. Valentine Candy is #1, for introducing new candy hearts which say "Bear Hug" on them.

211	February 6	Making A Killing	Charlie LeDuff	"I’m attacking American enemies like a spurned astronaut! This is The Colbert Report!"	3018
Stephen receives a message from Master Media International that they would be praying on his behalf on February 22. This is followed by the 40th installment of Better Know A District (Ohio's 18th with congressman Zack Space).

212	February 7	Silence	Steven Pinker	"Now’s your chance to fall in love with Stephen Colbert all over again. This is The Colbert Report!"	3019
Stephen starts by introducing a new segment, "California Values Watch". After addressing San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's recent problems. Then talks about the controversy stirred between Representatives Sanchez and Bacca. This is followed by the series finale of Tek Jansen.

213	February 8	None	Debra Dickerson Chris Hedges	"And if you think this sounds good, then you will enjoy this show! This is The Colbert Report!"	3020
Stephen starts by talking about the astronaut incident on the news and especially that everyone talks about Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper, admitting that he too wears a diaper during his workday. He then claims that Henry Kissinger called him to get him to run for president, which he says he will "not" do (or will he?) but he has formed an exploratory committee on whether to form an exploratory committee. He then talks about Barack Obama's presidential chances with Debra Dickerson (who claims that Obama is not black in the traditional sense). After the break he talks about the Scooter Libby trial which he compares with the Salem Witch Trials in a segment called "Was it really that bad?"

214	February 12	Inappropriate	Michael Oppenheimer	"Happy birthday Charles Darwin, in Hell!! This is The Colbert Report."	3021
Stephen starts by dancing/singing "My Humps" behind his desk and discusses Grammys. He then talks about criticism of the Iraq War transitioning into "The Wørd." This is followed by a "Tip of the Hat - Wag of the Finger" segment, in which he commends Australian Prime Minister John Howard for his attack on Barack Obama, but also chastises him for attacking an American citizen. He then talks with guest Michael Oppenheimer about his climate change report. He closes by naming Bollywood iconic actor Amitabh Bachchan, who survived a camel kick to the head, "Alpha Dog of the Week."

215	February 13	Frenemy	Sheryl WuDunn	None, The episode starts right with the theme song.	3022
Colbert talks about the Chinese Menace, entitling a Colbert Report special report "Apocalypse Mao: Murdered By The Orient's Success".

216	February 14	Bad Medicine	Lance Armstrong	"Nation, be mine. This is The Colbert Report."	3023
Stephen makes correction, that the Chinese have four times more population than the US, not three. Colbert admonishes people teaching seniors about sex. Sport Report: about the Westminster Dog Show, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, and mentions that the Saginaw Spirit had reached the playoffs.

217	February 15	None	Shashi Tharoor	"There is an 'I' in 'team' the way I spell it. This is the Colbert Report."	3024
Colbert talks about how Mastermedia International will pray for him on February 22nd. Asks J. J. Abrams how his prayer day went, with photo of "J. J." Jimmie Walker showing. Then he moves on, to talking about Helen Thomas losing her front row seat at the White House press room. Interviews Candice Bergen by phone about her prayer day too. Better Know A District guest was Vic Snyder from Arkansas's 2nd congressional district.

218	February 26	Success	Zev Chafets	"And... the award.. for the best adaptation of the truth.. goes to.. [Opens envelope, a la an awards ceremony] This is the Colbert Report!"	3025
Stephen compares Britain leaving Iraq to Britain leaving the U.S. and India - saying it will cause a flourish of Democracy.

219	February 27	Recoil	Craig Venter	"A portion of this program has been recorded at a frequency only dogs can hear." (Silently mouths "This is the Colbert Report.")	3026
Stephen comments on a recent report about Al Gore's energy usage. Outdoor Life Magazine fires a columnist for calling for an assault rifle ban, an action Stephen commends in the Word. Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle is named a top mascot, behind only the Toronto Raptor. As a result, the Toronto Raptors are moved from "on notice" to "dead to me." Tip/Wag: Wag to Bilk (Japanese beer + milk company), Tip to 107-year-old Chan Chi.

220	February 28	None	Nina Jablonski	"February, if you had any balls, you'd be three days longer. This is the Colbert Report."	3027
Colbert comments on how David Geffen has switched his support from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama. Then he mentions how Tom Vilsack chickened out of the presidential race, and interviews him in a new segment, Profiles In Quitters. And Problems Without Solutions, special report about SAHD's (Stay-at-home dad's), which Stephen says is against nature's laws.

[edit] March

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest(s)	Introductory phrase	Prod#
221	March 1	Bury The Lead	Larry King	"Hey America, are you thinking what I'm thinking? You soon will be. This is The Colbert Report."	3028
Mr. Colbert thanks those who prayed for him last Thursday, with his prayer hat and foam fingers. Also he comments on the coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith story. Better Know A District guest was Steve Cohen from Tennessee's 9th congressional district.

222	March 5	None	Ben & Jerry, Mara Vanderslice	"Honk if you love the truth and please stop watching TV while you're driving. This is The Colbert Report."	3029
Stephen comments on how many politicians have visited Walter Reed Hospital since the scandal. Ben and Jerry appeared to promote their new ice cream flavors named in honor of Stephen. Bears & Balls segment about recent economic fluctuations. And Mara Vanderslice talked about how Democrats can adapt to reach out to Christians.

223	March 6	WWJD [What Would Jesus Dispense]	Mark Frauenfelder	"For best results, apply this program four times daily. This is The Colbert Report."	3030
Stephen brags about winning the Mega Millions drawing, which hadn't happened yet. In this segment he also mocks Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone. Then he talks about how Lewis "Scooter" Libby was found Not Guilty on 1 of the 5 counts. In The Word segment, Colbert commends doctors who refuse to treat patients for religious reasons. [1] ThreatDown segment: No. 1 was Gravity.

224	March 7	Don't	Michael Specter	"Farewell Ernest Gallo. In your honor, I'm doing tonight's show hammered. This is The Colbert Report."	3031
Colbert makes a rare correction about winning Mega Millions drawing, and calls his boss Sumner Redstone to grovel. The Word was about removing the military Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Then there was 2007's first installment of "Easter Under Attack": proposed Easter bunny name change to spring bunny. And Michael Specter talks about Vladimir Putin's supression of and mysterious deaths of journalists in Russia.

225	March 8	Comic Justice	Ted Koppel	"You got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet. That's not a metaphor, I want someone to make me an omelet. This is The Colbert Report."	3032
Stephen wonders why the media is still discussing the Libby trial. Then he talks about the death of Captain America, and adds more in The Word. Better Know A District guest was John Yarmuth from Kentucky's 3rd congressional district.

226	March 12	Home Field Advantage	Nicholas Kristof	"Can anyone lend me 20 bucks? I can go to a cash machine after the show. This is The Colbert Report."	3033
Stephen upbraids Bill Gates for giving charitably to other nations while bemoaning America's faltering competitiveness. He retracts his disparaging comments about Captain America when he learns that the superhero has bequeathed him his shield.

227	March 13	Goodnight	Michael Eric Dyson	"I'm the host, which makes you my guests. Hope you brought some wine; it's polite. This is The Colbert Report."	3034
Stephen closes the show by announcing The Word ("Goodnight"), after which the credits roll.

228	March 14	High Fidelity	Ed Viesturs	"It's Pi Day today - 3.14. That must be why I'm acting so irrational. This is The Colbert Report."	3035
Colbert introduces a new segment, "When Ancestors Attack." Then he mentions how Colorado has made John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" their second official song. Sport Report: advice on filling out March Madness brackets.

229	March 15	None	Ayaan Hirsi Ali	"Beware - Today's Ides of March alert level is at 'Orange.' This is The Colbert Report."	3036
Stephen celebrates the last St. Patrick's Day ever! Then he moves on to how Latin America has so many rabid admirers of President Bush, with comments from Esteban Colberto. In the 44th installment of Better Know A District, the guest was Phil Hare of Illinois's 17th congressional district.

230	March 19	Pound Of Flesh	Jerome Groopman	"Well, my bracket is shot. This is The Colbert Report."	3037
Stephen talks about the latest attack in DC, on him, by Rahm Emmanuel.[2] The Word refers to South Carolina proposing to allow prisoners to donate organs to reduce jail time. Threatdown: 5.Angry seniors, 4.Dancing seniors, 3.Time Magazine, 2.Fertility clinics, 1.the FDA. And the "Alpha Dog Of the Week" was awarded to Robert Hancock of Carterville, Illinois.

231	March 20	Supernatural	Willie Nelson, Richard Holbrooke	"Hey camels, stop showing off and drink something. This is The Colbert Report."	3038
While unveiling threat # .5 as an addendum to yesterday's threatdown, Stephen finds himself in agreement with a German environmentalist over the euthanasia of Knut, a polar bear caught in the wild until Stephen becomes suddenly enamored when viewing footage of the cub. Later, Colbert collects on a hockey bet with the mayor of Oshawa, Ontario, wherein this day would become "Stephen Colbert Day" in the town; the day was chosen to be the same day as the mayor's birthday. During the interview with Willie Nelson, Colbert summons US diplomat Richard Holbrooke to mediate, given Stephen's ire over Willie's competing Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor. Later all three performed Willie's hit song "On the Road Again" with Bobby on rhythm guitar.

232	March 21	Sex	Benjamin Barber	"It's the first day of spring. Birds and bees, wait 'til you're married. This is The Colbert Report"	3039
In the 45th installment of Better Know A District, the guest was Maurice Hinchey from New York's 22nd congressional district.

233	March 22	None	Katie Couric	"America, your letter writing campaign was successful. The show's coming back tonight. This is The Colbert Report!"	3040
Debate over DC-residents voting bill with Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton. Criticism over Chicago Sun-Times face reading expert Rose Rosetree's interpretation of Stephen's facial features. Phone conversation with Coach Bob Mancini of the Saginaw Spirit about the Ontario Hockey League playoffs.

234	March 26	None	Gwen Ifill, John Perry Barlow	"Warning: refreshing as it is, this show will not replace your electrolytes. This is The Colbert Report!"	3041
Stephen expressed his anger that a severed mummy hand was recently sold at auction, but not to him; the hand was the earliest example of we're No. #1. In response to Rahm Emmanuel's practice of discouraging fellow congresspeople to decline interviews with Stephen Colbert, Stephen played an interview of him conducted by PBS's Gwen Ifill rife with potential misinterpretations. He showed highlights from last week's "Stephen Colbert Day" in Oshawa, Ontario, including footage of a fight between team mascots and Canadians impersonating Stephen Colbert. During the interview with John Perry Barlow, Stephen created the catch phrase "Librarians are hiding something" in response to the discussion over the Electronic Frontier Foundation suit against Viacom, (Comedy Central's parent company) over the right to use parody despite a copyright.

235	March 27	None	Madeleine Albright, James Fallows	"Nation, you're like a family. That's why this year I'm claiming you all as dependents. This is The Colbert Report!"	3042
Stephen chided Sean Penn for his blunt criticism of the Bush administration. Stephen discusses Iran, specifically a clash over religion, with former US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright who took the opportunity to promote her new book The Mighty and the Almighty: Reflections on America, God, and World Affairs. On the feature 'Tip of the hat, wag of the finger' Stephen took a strong line against children doing meth, questioned the need for an all-gay cable channel and criticized scientists for creating a new breed of sheep.

236	March 28	Monkey Business	Jabari Asim	"This one's for the old blue, white and red — not necessarily in that order. This is The Colbert Report!"	3043
Stephen displayed his disappointment at the elimination of Paulina Porizkova from Dancing with the Stars (US TV series), especially given that her husband Ric Ocasek is a friend of the show. Stephen discussed oil found in the Arctic Ocean near Russia, and an attempt to add Italy to the Axis of Evil led to an uncharacteristic breakdown. Later, Stephen discussed the N-word with author Jabari Asim, who wrote a book on the subject.

237	March 29	"Lemon-Raid"	Clive James	"If you're doing yoga, time to transition into the downward facing eagle. This is The Colbert Report."	3044
First, Stephen questioned the necessity of the Equal Rights Amendment, since everyone should be on the honor system. Later, Stephen cited the promulgation of John McCain that Sadr City is much safer than it was three months ago thanks to the military surge, despite the first-hand reports by Michael Ware that it is not safe for an American to leave the Green Zone. In response, Stephen suggested that Americans think of Iraq's capitol as Neverland. (Stephen noted that a mermaid said of Christiane Amanpour: "We were only trying to drown her," just as in Peter Pan (1953 film).) Later, Stephen proclaimed the heroism of a dog which performed Cardiopulmonary resuscitation on its owner. After the break, Stephen decided to create and submit cover photos to Harlequin Enterprises given their interest in replacing the staid images based on fantasy with more realistic men. Stephen volunteered the intern Meg to help him stage the photos.