List of The Colbert Report episodes (2005)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Contents 1 Season 1 (2005) 1.1 October 1.2 November 1.3 December 2 See also 3 Notes

This list of episodes of The Colbert Report details information on all 2005 episodes of The Colbert Report, a popular Comedy Central show hosted by Stephen Colbert, and produced by Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Ben Karlin. Colbert plays the role of a populist blowhard journalist character, similar to his role on The Daily Show. In The Colbert Report, the former correspondent becomes the host of his own parody of media pundit programs, such as The O'Reilly Factor and Hannity and Colmes.

There are a number of noteworthy recurring elements in most episodes of The Colbert Report. Each episode features a "wørd of the day" which serves as a theme for a monologue early in the episode, each has a studio guest later in the episode, and each begins with a brief summary of what the episode will contain, followed by an introductory phrase and then by the theme music. This introductory phrase very often inserts the word truth into a common phrase, such as "Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area," or says "this is The Colbert Report," though there are exceptions.

[edit] Season 1 (2005)

[edit] October

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest	Introductory phrase	Prod#
1	October 17	Truthiness[1]	Stone Phillips	"Open wide, baby bird, because mama's got a big, fat nightcrawler of Truth."	101
Gravitas-Off versus Stone Phillips; Colbert salutes Peter Mayhew's US citizenship with a Chewbacca figure.
2	October 18	Bacchanalia	Lesley Stahl	"Put some pants on, America. The Truth is knocking at the door."	102
Part one of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Jack Kingston (R) of Georgia's 1st District; First All You Need to Know.
3	October 19	Disappointed	Fareed Zakaria	"Strap yourself in and flip the switch, 'cause you're about to get a Truthocution."	103
First "Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger"; First "Stephen Settles the Debate" (Whales and Cod vs. Eskimo Hunters and Seals); First The In-Box, where Stephen reads e-mails for viewers.
4	October 20	Love Handles	Jim Cramer	"Stop operating heavy machinery, because you're about to take two maximum strength tablets of Truth."	104
First appearance of Russ Lieber; Stephen replaces the U.S. Constitution with a framed credit card offer; Lisa Loeb has a cameo, singing a few bars of "Stay (I Missed You)"; First Un-American News.
5	October 24	Pussy	Lou Dobbs	"It's time to jump down, turn around and pick a bale of Truth."	105
First Out-of-Context Interview, with Kay Bailey Hutchison; First Appearance of "Bring Him Back or Keep him Dead," featuring Torquemada, Charles Darwin and Dave Thomas; a sequence on positive mugshots, in honor of Tom DeLay's arrest.
6	October 25	Overrated[2]	Greg Behrendt	"I swallowed 20 condoms full of Truth and I'm about to smuggle them across the border."	106
The infamous anti-Rosa Parks speech; Introduces his black friend Alan; First mention of his undying hatred toward bears; Took calls from fake listeners for the first time; first appearance of Yet Another Day, the Colbert Report morning show.
7	October 26	Perspective	Neil deGrasse Tyson	"Strike up the klezmer and start acting like a man. You're about to have a Truth Mitzvah."	107
Introduction to Stephen's self-published Sci-fi novel Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure; First appearance of "The Pulse," where Stephen plays a video of one of his fans asking him a question. Today's included How is the weight of paper determined? and What's your favorite Jay-Z Song? (Stephen listed his top 20).
8	October 27	Quitter[3]	Jeff Daniels	"Put on the Sade and spritz on some Musk. I'm gonna Truth you all night long."	108
Part two of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Barney Frank (D) of Massachusetts's 4th District; Harriet Miers added to the Bookshelf of Broken Dreams.
9	October 31	Alito	Monica Crowley	"Shave off your body hair and put on your bike shorts. You just grabbed the yellow jersey in the Tour de Truthiness."	109
Second Out-of-Context Interview, with Patrick Fitzgerald; Stephen Settles the Debate: Ramadan vs. Halloween; Placed Rock and Roll nativity scene on his bookshelf to celebrate the end of "Rocktober."

[edit] November

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest	Introductory phrase	Prod#
10	November 1	Camilla-Mania	Ken Burns	"Is that Truth in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?"	110
The Colbert Report Emergency Evacuation Manual; Showing of documentary made about his interview with Ken Burns; first appearance of "Formidable Opponent" - Stephen debates himself on the topic of charity.
11	November 2	Cat[4]	Bruce Feiler	"A wop bop a loo bop a wop bam Truth."	111
Stephen delights in a correction by The New York Times stating they had misreported The Colbert Report's first episode's "Wørd" as "trustiness" rather than "truthiness," and provides "cat" as this episode's "Wørd" so the Times will have something easy enough for them to get right. First "I called it" segment.
12	November 3	Shhhh!...	Bradley Whitford	"Get on your tippy toes America. You must be this tall to ride the TruthCoaster."	112
Part three of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones (D) of Ohio's 11th District. Included a proposed TV show called Judge Tubbs. Also read from The In Box, and told us about an ongoing contest to guess what number he's thinking of. It's not: 7, 16, 111, 280 or 499. First time interview was conducted via satellite rather than in-studio; Whitford appeared surrounded by his Emmy awards, which Colbert suggested could fight his Emmy award.
13	November 7	Hoser[5]	Eliot Spitzer	"Somebody get a bucket, I think I'm gonna Truth!"	113
Rioting Do's and Don't's; Colbert marks premiere of The Colbert Report in Canada by welcoming Canadians as fellow "it-getters"; bears, the soulless killing machines, top the Threat Down once again.
14	November 8	T.O.[6]	Catherine Crier	"You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth! But, I've got oven mitts!"	114
Stephen attacks bloggers for intercepting footage of him before he interviewed Bradley Whitford; Stephen played the recording of the telephone call he got from the man he called his mentor, Wilford Brimley; Promo for Yet Another Day.
15	November 9	Willy Loman	Mary Roach	"Everyone put your keys in the bowl, it's time for a swinging Truth party!"	115
Stephen replaces Scott McClellan with Terrell Owens's agent, to do a better job repelling questions at a White House press conference; Part four of "Better Know a District," with Rep. John Mica (R) of Florida's 7th District; another "All You Need to Know"; and a visit from the spirit of Jon Stewart, who tells us that the studio of the Report (formerly of The Daily Show) was built on an Indian burial ground.
16	November 10	Armistice	Cokie Roberts	"Hey Moondoggie, wax your board and catch a wave. The Truth's up."	116
Checked mail on The In Box, replayed offensive clip of his character Ching-Chong Ding-Dong, and solved all the world's mysteries with his word association system The DaColbert Code.
17	November 14	Testosterone	Bob Kerrey	"I'm fully dilated and effaced and I'm squeezing out a bouncing bundle of Truth."	117
Stephen paraphrases Country Music Award Nominees and places a chocolate portrait of Viggo Mortensen (bought on eBay) on his bookshelf to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the Internet.
18	November 15	The Orient[7]	Al Sharpton	"Break out some vodka, some lime juice, and the facts. You're about to do an upside down Truthikaze."	118
Bring 'Em Back Or Leave 'Em Dead: Asian Edition; Formidable Opponent: Torture
19	November 16	Information	Matt Taibbi	"Get ready for authenticity, veracity, and verity. Someone's been reading a thesaurus." (first intro without the word "truth")	119
Stephen adds pant cuffs to the "On Notice" board but has to move New York Intellectuals to the "Dead to Me" board to make room; Part five of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Mark Udall (D) of Colorado's 2nd District.
20	November 17	McConaughey	Tim Robbins	"Sharpen your carving knife and loosen your belt. You're coming over to my house for ThanksTruthing."	120
Colbert attacks Barney Frank for calling his show a waste of time.
21	November 28	Never[8]	Brian Greene	"Go out ten yards then button hook to the left. I'm gonna hit you with a perfect spiral of Truth."	121
Stephen takes calls from "The Heroes"; Stephen Settles the Debate: Faith vs. Science.
22	November 29	Confidence	Richard Preston	"And they say the Truth still roams these very woods." (delivered with the studio lights off, lighting his face with a flashlight, using a creepy voice)	122
Stephen is brought to tears by the resignation of Randy "Duke" Cunningham. California's 50th congressional district is now "dead to him" and "Better Know a District" is now a 434 part series. Report is led in by the collapse of the Canadian Liberal government via a non-confidence vote. Also, he had a photo montage of Duke Cunningham's Things played at the end. First installment of "Was It Really That Bad?" on The Plague.
23	November 30	Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay	Katrina vanden Heuvel	"Knock knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke."	123
Part six of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D) of Michigan's 13th District; First installment of "Around the World in 11.6 Seconds."

[edit] December

#	First aired	"The Wørd"	Studio guest	Introductory phrase	Prod#
24	December 1	Spectacle[9]	Richard Clarke	"Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area."	124
Rick Springfield cameo; Stephen places a breast implant on his bookshelf to acknowledge the work of cosmetic surgeons.
25	December 5	XMas	Maureen Dowd	"Get ready to make a difference... by watching TV."	125
Stage manager Bobby moves one step closer to being fired for displaying the wrong graphic during a segment; Stephen confers the Colbert Nation Citizen Award upon Luis Soto for escaping from prison, supposedly because of Stephen's suggestion during the November 8 "Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger."
26	December 6	Backsies	Anderson Cooper	"Move over Oprah, tonight, every member of my audience receives a priceless gift: The Truth!"	126
Part seven of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Jim Moran (D) of Virginia's 8th District.
27	December 7	Hell, No![10]	Craig Crawford	"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... but just for the next half-hour."	127
Stephen launches a "Campaign Against Humbuggery"; bears once again top the "Threat Down," followed by happy Germans, alien landing areas, the 9/11 Commission, wasps, popes, and threats.
28	December 8	Satisfied?	Peggy Noonan	"Don't touch that dial, and if your TV has a dial... go get a new TV."	128
First appearance of "Movies That Are Destroying America" Holiday Christmas Edition. Reviews included The Family Stone, Brokeback Mountain, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
29	December 12	Belly Achin'	Harry Smith	"Forgive me, Father, for I have Truthed."	129
Stephen reviews the history of various Christmas traditions. Plus, new editions of "Un-American News" and "The In Box."
30	December 13	Lombardi	Bob Costas	"Get some ice; I've pulled my groin... my enormous groin."	130
A Colbert Report Special Report: The De-Ballification of the American Sportscape; Stephen awards the report the Omnisport Award for Excellence in Everything.
31	December 14	Travolta[11]	Dermot Mulroney	"Let's make this quick, our Christmas party is tonight."	131
Another "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger"; Stephen puts the Hollywood Foreign Press Association on notice; Stephen explains the gifts that will be going in the stockings on his mantle, with The Heroes receiving an IOU for one Xbox 360 they will share collectively and the Blame America First crowd receiving Stephen's latest fragrance, Scorn.
32	December 15	Jetpack	Mark Cuban	"Children, get nestled all snug in your beds, while visions of Truth dance in your heads."	132
Part eight of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Major Owens (D) of New York's 11th District.

[edit] See also

• The Colbert Report
• List of The Daily Show guests
• Wikipedia in popular culture for the response to the Wikiality episode

[edit] Notes

1. ^  "Truthiness," the first "Wørd of the day" on The Colbert Report, was voted the 2005 Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society, which credited The Colbert Report for introducing it into the popular vernacular. For more information, see truthiness.
2. ^  The word "overrated" was used in reference to the late Rosa Parks.
3. ^  The word "quitter" was used in reference to Harriet Miers withdrawing her nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court.
4. ^  The word "cat" was used in reference to The New York Times misreporting Colbert's first wørd, "Truthiness," as "Trustiness." He explained that the Times should have an easier time with this word.
5. ^  The word "hoser" was used in reference to Canada.
6. ^  The word "TO" was used in reference to Terrell Owens and/or "totally obnoxious"—"same difference."
7. ^  This Wørd of the day, "The Orient," was changed to "Asia" for political correctness.
8. ^  The word "Never" was used to answer the question of when to withdraw from Iraq.
9. ^  The word "Spectacle" was used in regards to capital punishment.
10. ^  Although Colbert originally said "Hell, no!" when giving the Wørd of the day, it appeared on the screen initially as "Hell, Yes!" It then quickly switched to "Hell, No!" after this intentional "error."
11. ^  The word "Travolta" was used in reference to John Travolta's role in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.