Talk:Lightbulb joke/Geographical

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Subsequent comments should be made in a new section. Geographical or ethnic variations

Many Lightbulb jokes have Geographical or ethnic variations. Many more Geographical or ethnic lightbulb jokes can be found by a simple Google search. See main wikipedia lightbulb joke article.

[edit] North American

African Americans

A-1: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drive the pink Cadillac in tight circles.

A-2: Four hundred to march on the power company and threaten to burn it down if they don't hire some African Americans to do it.

Canada

A-1: Two. One to replace the bulb. Un autre pour la remplacer encore une fois, mais en français.

A-2: An entire committee. "Would you please fill out these forms? We shall get back to you shortly." "Veuillez remplir ces formulaires, SVP. Nous vous contacterons sous peu..."

A-3: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

Californians

Californians

A-1: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.

A-2: None. Californians don't screw in lightbulbs; they screw in hot tubs!

Northern Californians

A: Hella.

San Francisco

A: One million and one: One to hold the bulb over the San Andreas Fault, one million to shake the earth.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Both of them.

Marin County Residents

A: "Residents of Marin County don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in hot tubs."

Angelenos

Q: How many Angelenos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, but his undocumented housekeeper actually does it.

New Jerseyites

A-1: Just one, but he has to take all the crap from the New Yorkers and Philadelphians who are too stupid to figure out that he is perfectly capable of doing it all by himself.

A-2: It is illegal to change your own light bulbs in the state of New Jersey

Floridian

A: ... not sure...they are still counting.

Mexicans

A: Juan.

New Yorker

A-1: Whazzit to ya?

A-2: 39: One to change it, 38 to stand watching without doing anything to try to stop it.

A-3: None of your fucking business!

Newfies

A-1: Newfies don't change light bulbs, they only change dark bulbs.

A-2: You must be on Toronto time, that lightbulb has already been replaced for an hour and a half now and all the lads've gone fishin'.

Newfies — Q: How many Newfies does it take to get a job?

A: One out of every seven.

Ohioans

A1: Negative 32768.000, as precisely calculated by Diebold.

A2: None, they haven't had electricity since the Blackout of 2003.

North Carolinians

A: You know, those South Carolina boys get us into more trouble...

Oregonians

A: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.

Philadelphians

A-1: None. They are all sitting around chanting E-A-G-L-E-S and waiitng for the next season's glimmer of hope.

A-2: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to whine about how much better the bulbs are in New York and Chicago.

Quebecers

A: Fifty percent, plus one.

South Carolinians

A: One, but first he declares that it is his right to do it himself without federal interference, then he secedes from the Union when the Feds try to send in troops. He gets all his neighbors to fight with him, they lose a long and bloody war at the end of which his house is burned down. What was the question again?

Southern rednecks

A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.

Torontonians

A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.

A: One, but he leaves the old bulb in the parking lot of the Walden Galleria. (Can someone please explain what amusing little event this is referring to.)

Virginians

A-1: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how wonderful the old one was in the good old days.

A-2: (Richmonders) Six. One to change it, three to lament its passing, two to raise funds for the statue.

[edit] European

Q: "How many nations does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

A: "At least seven. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the English to hold fast, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, the Russians to bear the brunt and then covet half the other nations, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened..."

Austrians

A: Uncertain, the five of them are still working on the plan of how to screw the lightbulb in!

Englishmen

A: None. They'd rather curse the 'bloody' darkness."

Sloane Rangers

A: "Five: one to phone Daddy and four to mix the Piña Coladas"

The Finnish

A: None. As soon as they note that the bulb is made of glass and has threads, they'll be too busy trying to figure out how to drink it.

The French

A-1: Only one. He holds the lightbulb while the world revolves around him.

A-2: One to change the bulb, and another to claim afterwards that he was for the bulb-changing the entire time.

A-3: None, they surrender to the darkness. (See Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys)

The Germans

A-1: Two. One to bark the orders, the other to chance the lightbulb.

A-2: Ve ask the questions here.

Hungarians

A-1: A lot. As soon as someone would get up on the ladder, the others would drag him back anyway.

A-2: None. They'll just invent something with half the cost.

Irishmen

A: 10. One to hold the bulb in place and 9 to drink until the room spins.

Russians

A: In Soviet Russia, the lightbulb screws you!

The Norwegians

A: One, because they don`t have a sense of humor."

Poles

A: Two. One to hold the light bulb, and the other to turn the ladder.

Portuguese

A: 100. One to hold it and 99 others to turn the table.

The Serbs

A: Two - one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

Slovenians

A: Just one, but he does it sloooowly"

Spaniards

A: Just Juan.

Ukrainians

A: None. In Chernobyl, one just holds the bulb and it glows by itself.

[edit] Middle East

Iraqis

A1: None. Looters already stole them all.

A2: None. Ever since Iraq was invaded by the Americans, there has been no electricity.