Lighthouse Keeping Loonies

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The Goodies episode
"Lighthouse Keeping Loonies"
Episode № 42
Airdate 31 March 1975
(Monday — 7.05 pm)
Director
Producer Jim Franklin
Guest star(s) Corbet Woodall (as himself)
(the "Newsreader")
Patrick Moore (as himself)
(the "Astronomer")
Series V
February 10December 21, 1975
  1. The Movies
  2. Clown Virus
  3. Chubbie Chumps
  4. Wacky Wales
  5. Frankenfido
  6. Scatty Safari
  7. Kung Fu Kapers
  8. Lighthouse Keeping Loonies
  9. Rome Antics
  10. Fleet Street Goodies
  11. South Africa
  12. Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms
  13. The End
  14. The Goodies Rule – O.K.?
List of The Goodies episodes


Lighthouse Keeping Loonies is an episode of the British comedy television series The Goodies

This episode is also known as "The Lighthouse Men".

Contents

[edit] Plot

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

The Goodies answer a newspaper advertisement for "light housekeeping". The Goodies are accepted and find that the advertisement should have said, "lighthouse keeping".

The lighthouse they are taken to is the sinister "Jollyrock Lighthouse", where lighthouse keepers have been disappearing.

Bill objects to everything in the lighthouse being round. Even the cards and chessboard are round.

There is a very heavy fog and a large ship comes near the lighthouse. As it passes, a white glove can be seen waving.

Tim goes upstairs to have a bath, while Graeme checks the light. The light has gone out and extra fuel is required. Graeme sends Bill to dig under the lighthouse to find more fuel. Evenually, Bill finds something, but he can't see, so he asks Graeme to drop a match though the opening, which Graeme does. They both suddenly realise, too late, that having a lit match is very dangerous amongst the oil that Bill has found. All of a sudden there is a terrific roar and the lighthouse takes off at enormous speed. This 'event' causes varied reactions, including:

  • news broadcasts about the taking off of a 'rocket';
  • the Aliens are already here group is also excited, noting that a crew member was seen at a "porthole" of a "rocket" (the "alien crew member" actually being Tim, who is sitting in the lighthouse bathtub near the bathroom window of the lighthouse, and whose pink-coloured bathcap is mistakenly thought to be a space helmet).
  • great excitement from an astronomer (Patrick Moore) about the newly discovered comet;

After a while, the lighthouse slows down enough to go into orbit around the Earth — but, where will the lighthouse eventually land?

[edit] Song written by Bill Oddie

The "Song of the Jollyrock Light"

  • Tim (speaking): "Oh look, here's one about our lighthouse!"
  • Tim, Graeme and Bill (singing):
"Oh the winds they do blow, and the seas they do roar
When you're stuck on a lighthouse, ten miles from the shore.
But you've heard of the Jollyrock, of that I am sure.
Go there and your loved ones, will see you no more."
  • Tim (singing):
"Oh, don't go to the Jollyrock, whatever you do.
I wouldn't go near it if I was you."
  • Graeme (singing):
"So away from the Jollyrock I advise you to race.
It's utterly appalling and not at all nice."
  • Bill (singing):
"For nasty things happen there, it's such a disgrace.
'Cause people get killed there all over the place!"
  • Tim, Graeme and Bill (singing):
"Oh, don't go to the Jollyrock, whatever you do.
I wouldn't go near it, if I was you."
  • Tim (speaking): "Oh, the next verse is censored because it's too horrible even to talk about!"
  • Graeme (singing):
"Well blood will run cold , and your heart fill with dread.
For the Jollyrock is plagued with the souls of the dead!"
  • Bill (singing):
"If you stay there one night, you'll go clean off your head.
And no time at all, you will probably catch mumps."
  • Bill (speaking): "That doesn't even rhyme!"

[edit] Music

  • *Carousel" (the theme music used for the carousel)

[edit] External link


The Goodies episodes (in alphabetical order)

2001 and a Bit | Alternative Roots | Animals | Animals Are People Too | The Baddies | Big Foot | Black and White Beauty |
Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms | Camelot | Caught in the Act | Cecily | Change of Life | Charity Bounce | Chubbie Chumps | Clown Virus |
Come Dancing | Commonwealth Games| | Culture for the Masses | Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express | Dodonuts | Earthanasia | The End |
Farm Fresh Food | Fleet Street Goodies | Football Crazy | For Those in Peril on the Sea | Frankenfido | Gender Education | Give Police a Chance |
The Goodies – Almost Live | Goodies and Politics | The Goodies and the Beanstalk | Goodies in the Nick | The Goodies Rule – O.K.? |
The Greenies | Holiday | Hospital for Hire | Hunting Pink | Hype Pressure | Invasion of the Moon Creatures | It Might as Well Be String |
A Kick in the Arts | Kitten Kong | Kung Fu Kapers | Lighthouse Keeping Loonies | Lips, or Almighty Cod | The Lost Tribe | The Movies |
The Music Lovers | The New Office | Pollution | Punky Business | The Race | Radio Goodies | Robot | Rome Antics | Royal Command |
Saturday Night Grease | Scatty Safari | Scotland | Scoutrageous | Snooze | Snow White 2 | South Africa | The Stone Age | Superstar |
That Old Black Magic | Tower of London | U-Friend or UFO? | Wacky Wales | War Babies | Way Outward Bound | Winter Olympics | Women's Lib |


The GoodiesThe Goodies TV series
Tim Brooke-TaylorGraeme GardenBill Oddie