Letterbocks

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Letterbocks is a humorous letter page appearing in Viz magazine which contains both genuine readers letters and made-up letters by the editors.

[edit] Examples

Coy Carp

Why is it that in a lot of pornographic films I watch, many of the women have bikini tan marks? It seems a bit rich that while they are willing to let some bloke empty his sack on their face for worldwide consumption on film, they get all coy when they have to get their tits out on the beach. Joel Young, Newcastle.

Pig Ignorant

I was recently stopped by a police officer for simply urinating on the road. The officer in question asked my name. As a well brought up young man, I gave it, then offered my hand to shake and asked his name. Can you imagine my disbelief when he ignored this and continued writing in his notebook. Are all police officers ignorant or was this just one 'bad apple'? Rob Harris, somewhere

Zookeeper

To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied 'I'll tell you when you're older' when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation. Joe McKeown, email

Krankie

The downloading of pornographic images by paedophiles seems to be on the increase. As a service to the public, could I suggest that Jeanette Krankie post several naked pictures of herself on the internet. Anyone who is turned on by schoolboys could then satisfy their sick desires and since she is a 60-year old woman, no crime has bee committed. T Hennesey, London

Home'

There's no place like home, or so they say. what rubbish! I live on a Bovis estate and my neighbour's house is exactly the same as mine. Except with different curtains. Ben Rodway, email

Marker

My so-called permanent marker has just run out. What a rip off. Matt, Hitchin.

Thatcher

I never thought I would see the day a woman became Prime Minister of Britain. And I was right. On the eve of Margaret Thatcher's election victory in 1979, I looked at the sun through a pair of binoculars. Johnny Giles, Tooting

Refill

Pizza Hut's unlimited refills are a joke. You try going back with your glass a week later. They won't serve you. Peter Marwood, email

Justice

If these fathers for Justice activists had been such superheroes in the bedroom, perhaps their wives would not have f**ked off and left them in the first place. Rob Jones, email

SAS

A really strange thing happened to me at work the other day. However, I am a soldier in the SAS, and so cannot say what it was, as I would then have to kill your readers. But it really was strange. J Charleston, Loughborough