Kwik-E-Mart
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The Kwik-E-Mart is a fictional chain of convenience stores as seen on The Simpsons. The operator of the Springfield location, which most of the chain's appearances on the program revolve around, is Indian American Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. It sells the usual convenience store fare at extraordinarily high prices, including the always popular Squishee.
An example of the high prices was when Apu whispered to Homer during a holdup, "Call 911." Homer replied with, "I don't have any change. I only have a five." "No change without purchase." "What's the cheapest you've got?" "Bag of Chippos, $5.99." "$5.99?! What a ripoff, someone should shoot you!"
The Kwik-E-Mart chain was started somewhere in the Himalayas, where the world's first convenience store still stands on a mountain peak, an ironically inconvenient location. Visiting pilgrims are allowed to ask three questions of the resident all-knowing (except safe combinations) guru. Apu's visit was rather spoiled by Homer's three questions, "Are you really the founder of Kwik-E-Mart?", "Really?" and "You?".
Apu was fired from his job after Homer was poisoned by tainted meat he bought at the Kwik-E-Mart. He was replaced by James Woods, who was studying to be a convenience store clerk for a role in an upcoming movie. In the same episode, Apu revealed that Kwik-E-Mart is known as "Stop-O-Mart" in Ohio. Apu was re-hired a short time later after he foiled a robbery attempt at the Kwik-E-Mart and saved James Woods' life. Apu was shot during the attempted robbery. Later it was retconned that Apu owned the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu has also stated that the parent corporation of his store is "Nordine Defence Dynamics", when he is commenting on the prosecution of Marge for shoplifting.
Apu is known as a legend in the realm of Kwik-E-Mart employment for working for over ninety-six hours in one shift. During the shift he experienced a hallucination in which he thought he was a hummingbird and tried to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.
Apu once installed sixteen gas pumps in the parking lot on the Kwik-E-Mart to compete with a rival store, the Gas'N'Gulp. However, a round of redirected mortar shells from Fort Springfield promptly ruined his hard work. The store itself also appeared to be destroyed: the "K" in the store's name landed on the fort grounds moments later. However, a later episode showed gas pumps at the Kwik-E-Mart.
The Springfield location has not been immune to the concept of showmanship as a marketing technique. When retiree Jasper Beardley decided to freeze himself in the store's freezers as a low budget form of cryopreservation for an indefinite future, Apu transfomed the store into "Freak-E-Mart", of which Jasper, marketed as "Frostillicus", was the main attraction. When Jasper thawed, thus ending the viability of the project, Apu decided to institute a clothing optional poilcy, thusly briefly rechristening the store as "Nude-E-Mart".
The Kwik-E-Mart also includes a utopian garden on its roof. Paul and Linda McCartney hung out there when they were in Springfield. The garden is accessed through the refrigerator labeled "Non-Alcoholic Beer". When Lisa asks what Apu does when somebody wants to purchase some, he replies, "You know, it's never come up." In accordance with Apu's vegetarian philosophy, all hot dogs at the Springfield location are actually tofu dogs. No customer, Apu claims, has ever noticed any difference.
Despite generally being a good-natured and friendly individual, Apu often exhibits a ruthlessly capitalist streak. He has caressed his cigarette machine in gratitude for not dispensing product after taking a customer's money.
After the town of Springfield fined Mr. Burns $3 million for illegally dumping toxic waste, a town meeting was held to discuss how to spend it. Apu suggested spending some of it on hiring more police officers, as he had been shot eight times that year and nearly missed work. Chief Wiggum responded, "Crybaby."
Shelbyville has a store called Speed-E-Mart that is obviously the Shelbyville antithesis to the Kwik-E-Mart.
A few real-life retailers have attempted to capitalize on the Kwik-E-Mart name. For instance, there is a chain of "Kwik-E-Mart" stores in Minnesota, and another Kwik-E-Mart in Downtown Pittsburgh, near the David L. Lawrence convention center, and across the street from the Westin Hotel.[citation needed]
In March 2007, the national convenience store chain 7-11 proposed a plan to change eleven of their stores into Kwik-E-Mart replicas, and even selling Simpsons products such as Buzz Cola, Slurpees served in Squishee cups, and Krusty'o cereal.
