User:Jack Lumber

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Hello, I'm Jack Lumber. If anyone actually reads this, drop me a line (see below) I'd like to know if anyone actually reads these things. I intend this to be mostly about me, because I've seen other people's user pages and they aren't interesting. I figure I'm interesting, so that's the subject. Anyway, about me...lets see...well, first of all let's outline the basics:

1. I rule.

2. I rule more than you.

3. I rule a lot more than you.

4. I'm a freaking genious and am smarter than you.

5. I am always take the right side in an argument.

6. If you believe 1-5, then they are true.

7. I'm a pirate.

Yep..that is me. Behold my menu!!!!

[edit] Stats

Age: (see below, you're going to have to read something)

Sex: Male

Hair Color: Brown

Eye Color: Blue (One person told me they were Teal, but who cares)

Penis Size: 20in long and 10in circumference (when aroused by gay men, otherwise much much smaller).

Blood Type: Awesome

[edit] History of Jack Lumber

The amazing story of Jack Lumber begins a 7089908092472347293432409823 million and a lot years ago. A meteor made of pure diamond came blasting out of the sky and created the Grand Canyon (Some punk ass Indians took all the diamonds and hid them before America was discovered though). Anyway, from the ashes of the destroyed city (there used to be an ancient city of highly technologicly advanced people living there, but that's another tale) I arose, angry as hell and thirsty for blood. I ran around for the next couple of days and killed all the dinasaurs with my teeth. I ate some of them but I mostly just left the rest to rot (SUCK ME PETA!!!!). Here's a nifty timeline showing what I did since then: Image:Timeline.JPG

[edit] Interests

I enjoy reading, kicking ass, burning things, eating babies, pillaging and raping across the countryside and pwnage. I play a lot of video games, listen to mostly classic rock, read books the kind of books that your english teacher tried unsucessfully to get you to read (News Flash: They're actually good books), and play a ton of video games. Especially video games, I've only met one person (in the real world, not the net) who knows as much about video games as I do. Anyway, I know that most of you guys don't like long sentances, so here is a list of my top ten favorites in various categories (in no particular order)

[edit] Favorite Video Games

• Legend of Zelda Series
• Final Fantasy Series (especially 7)
• Half Life Series
• Call of Duty Series (my name is Jack Lumber, Pirate King. Meet me online and I will pwn you)
• Metroid Series
• Super Mario Series
• Contra 3: The Alien Wars
• Unreal Tournament Series
• Tetris
• Starcraft Series

[edit] Favorite Books

Note: In this section, you can pretty much bet that I've read most if not all of their books, and most of them are great. I've decided to put only the books though, because each book is unique.

• Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien
• It, by Steven King
• The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck
• Animal Farm, by George Orwell
• The Divine Comedy, by Dante Aligheri
• America: The Book, by The Daily Show...and others...
• Battle Royale, by Koushun Takami
• The Devil and Tom Walker, by Washington Irving (only a short story, but I love it)
• The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe
• Redwall, by Brian Jacques

[edit] Favorite Movies

• The Godfather
• Star Wars Trilogy
• Citizen Kane
• The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
• The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
• Unforgiven
• Saving Private Ryan
• Star Whores 5: Return to TITooine

[edit] Favorite Music

• Pink Floyd(I recommend Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall, and Wish You Were Here)
• Led Zeppelin
• The Eagles
• The Doors
• The Beatles
• The Rolling Stones
• Queen
• Frank Sinatra
• The Who
• Nine Inch Nails

[edit] Other Things that are Good

• Sex
• Drugs
• Rock and Roll
• Rum Cake
• Nudie Beaches
• Caffeine
• Giving babies knives to play with

[edit] Smiley Faces that are No Longer Smiling

This took me a long time to make on paint, and I use every chance I have to show it off. Death to the Smileys!!!

[edit] My contributions to Wikipedia

I tend to get distracted by the massive amount of info on wikipedia and end up reading more than I do adding anything, but I try. I haven't been able to find much that I know about that isn't there already, so I mainly focus on adding recent information to pages that I know about. So far I've only found one page that didn't exist that I knew about (which resulted in my first created page).

[edit] Pages Created

• Bloody Benders
• Golden Whistler

[edit] Pages I've worked on

• Nintendo(on my watchlist))
• Pwn
• Leet
• Legend of Zelda
• (Rock (music) (and various stubs))

[edit] Images I've Contributed

• Image:Timeline.JPG-above Timeline pic
• Image:Kamasutra.JPG-above book pic
• Image:dsmariokart2.jpg-above Nintendo DS pic
• Image:Pron.JPG-above Pron pic
• Image:Wywh.JPG-Above Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here pic
• Image:Ftfc.gif-above pic with smiley's dying
• Image:Benderhouse.JPG-sketch of the Bloody Bender's home.
• Image:Bender.JPG-picture of people searching the BB's property.
• Image:Gwh.JPG-Picture of a Golden Whistler

[edit] How to Contact Me

Email:Jacklumberpirateking@gmail.com

Snail Mail: Does this still exist?

Phone: No

In person: Just talk, dumbass. It goes without saying.

Messanger Pidgeons: Tell it to go northish (results may vary, depending on where you live)

[edit] Why you shouldn't contact me

I probably won't answer (the more important it is, the less likely I am to care)

[edit] Bibliography

Lane, Brian and Gregg, Wilfred. The New Encyclopedia Of Awesome. Headline Book Publishing, 1996. ISBN 0747253617

Johnson, Bill. The Life and Times of the Guy Who Made Me Write This. Penguin Book Publishing, 1999. ISBN 043285633