Jackie Vernon

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Jackie Vernon (born Ralph Verrone on March 29, 1924; died November 10, 1987) was a stand-up comedian, actor and voice artist. He was known for his gentle and low-key delivery, and self-deprecating humor. He has been hailed as "The King of Deadpan". He is obviously a major influence on current sardonic stand-up comedians such as Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg. His signature opening line was, "To look at me now, it's hard to believe I was once considered a dull guy."

He is also known to perform unique and darker sketches, such as his ultimately tragic attempt to turn a watermelon into a housepet.

He liked to quote an ersatz philosopher named Sig Sakowitz with the unexplainable motto, "A wet bird never flies at night". There actually was a Sig Sakowitz, a Chicago-based radio talk show host.

One of his early bits was the "Vacation Slide Show". There were no slides visible, they were presumably offscreen as he described them, using a hand-clicker to advance to each "slide":

(click) Here I am, tossing coins at the toll booth.

(click) Here I am, under the car, looking for the coins!

(click) Here I am, picking up a hitchhiker.

(click) Here I am, hitchhiking!

He also told this story, an inspiration to scam artists and "phishers" everywhere:

One day I saw an ad in the paper that said, "Send me a dollar and I'll tell you how I make money." I sent the guy a dollar. I got a postcard back that said, "Thanks for the dollar. This is how I make money!"

Jackie was once a trumpet player, and often carried a cornet with him as a prop during his standup routines. As with Henny Youngman and his violin, it was seldom actually played.

He was a popular figure on The Ed Sullivan Show and other variety shows where he often ended his act by blowing a cornet.

He often appeared on the "Celebrity Roasts" that were a staple of 1970s television, as well as being a fixture on the "Dais" at the original live Friars Club Roasts before and after the televised versions. Vernon's signature "deadpan" expression and delivery often had the roast audiences laughing hysterically, long before the punch line of the jokes. Vernon's X-rated story style jokes about people engaging in extreme sexual depravity became legend, often with the added tag line " and I thought to myself... what a neat guy".

One joke that will live forever in the memories of veteran roast attendees (and which should definitely not be repeated here) involved a sincere but not entierly above boards attempt to help an ailing woman (news anchor Connie Chung) throw up. Vernon is featured on more than one "bootleg" recording of the X-rated Friars Club Roasts available through comedy recording specialty retailers such as laugh.com and others.

Vernon once quipped :"I became a comedian, because I couldn't find a job in my regular line of work: I'm a Druid." He is perhaps best remembered today as the voice of the title character in the Christmas television show Frosty the Snowman, which has been broadcast regularly since its debut in 1969. Vernon also memorably starred in Wayne Berwick's 1983 cult film Microwave Massacre (Reel Life Productions), in which he plays a lascivious builder who kills his wife for bossing him around and making him too many microwaved 'gourmet' meals. The film makes good use of Vernon's comic abilities, and is celebrated for his one-liner upon preparing to cut off a prostitute's head with an axe - 'I'm so hungry, I could eat a whore!'.

Like Frosty the Snowman, Jackie was a portly man. He died at age 63 from a heart attack. He is survived by his wife Hazel Vernon.

He released at least two comedy LPs: Jackie Vernon - A Wet Bird Flies at Night (1964) -- Jackie Vernon - A Man and his Watermelon (United Artists UAL 3577) Recorded live at the Blue Room of the Shoreham Hotel, Washington, DC. (1967)

Preceded by none

Voice of Frosty the Snowman 1969 –1979

Succeeded by John Goodman