Instant Classic
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| Instant Classic | |
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| Author(s) | Brian Carroll |
| Website | http://www.instantclassic.net/ |
| Launch date | May 12, 2003 |
| Genre | Movies |
Instant Classic is a collection of stories, prose, comics and experiments on the topic of film, theater, music, literature and art by Brian Carroll. The site started in May 12, 2003 and was primarily a comic about filmmaking characters Author Donathan and Kate Hearst. Since then, the site has blossomed into more of a satirical soupbox for the author across other storytelling mediums, although the focus is still comics about movies.
In 2003, Instant Classic was one of the original members of Dayfree Press Webcomics but has since separated from it. At present, the main website (including the forums and Genrezvous Point) shows a 'suspended page' notice, and the fate of the comic is unknown. However, a page at iccomics.com says that the site will relaunch soon.
Contents |
[edit] Comic Chapters
[edit] Prologue
Original Instant Classic webcomic, telling the story of Litchfield's end.
[edit] Pirates
A story Brian Carroll is never content with, so it has never been completely told. It tells of movie piracy. The original version was a standard comic that reached 18 pages before stopping, and the second version was told via documents like letters and journals.
[edit] Genrezvous Point
A story of personified film genres that was so easy to make that it became a spin-off of the Instant Classic with its own home. The first story told of the collapse of Genrezvous Point under the attack of the Seven Plagues of Cinema. The second story tells of the Format War the genres have to fight in.
[edit] Brothers Donathan
Adventures of Author, his brother Cactus and Kate after the Prologue. Part Deux is in progress, with a Part Trois to follow that.
[edit] Union Forever
An online graphic novel that so far hasn't been created. Presumably this will follow on from Brothers Donathan.
[edit] Red Matty 5:28
A five-page illustrated poem about a beautiful woman.
[edit] Grab the Bullet by its Horns
A buddy cop satire published exclusively for the comic anthology City Limits by Blue Day Media. It stars Acker and Collins, two renegade police officers, as they save the streets of Port du Ciel from Six Finger O'Flanigann and his terror ring. (Note: Acker and Collins are the human counterparts of "Action" and "Comedy" from Genrezvous Point.
[edit] Cast
[edit] Prologue/Brothers Donathan
Author Donathan is the central character in the strip. A slightly curmudgeonly 20-something filmmaker and critic of modern cinema's worst trends, he still holds out hope that there is art to be had in film. He has been referred to as the 'anti-genre' by Kate, because of his tendency to unrealistically attempt to eschew any and all conventions when making a film. He has a sly and subtle intellect, often outmaneuvering obstacles with adept finesse.
Katherine R. 'Citizen Kate' Hearst is Author's best friend and fellow movie-goer and movie-maker. She is eccentric, and obsessed with Orson Welles, most notably for Citizen Kane, and able to recite the movie's dialogue perfectly. Though often frustrated by Author's artistic pretensions, she is also loyal and fiercely protective of their movie-going faux-dates. She is also the more violent of the two, preferring beating a problem into submission to Author's subtle solutions. Her last name is likely a reference to William Randolph Hearst, the newspaper magnate whose life Citizen Kane is said to be based on.
Sean "Cactus" Donathan is Author's brother. He is suave, sophisticated, and takes chain-smoking to an artistic plateau rarely encountered by mortal men. He is a hedonist of the first rank, able to make women swoon with random words. The only woman in the strip to show resistance to his charms is Kate.
Litchfield is Author's nemesis. Where Author occasionally indulges in artistic pretension, Litchfield wallows in it like a hog in a sty. His films consist of incomprehensible (and often unpronounceable) dialogue, he drones on about his own artistic merit, abuses his underlings mercilessly, and wears a beret.
Ecru is Litchfield's long-suffering personal assistant and aide-de-camp. Prone to panic when things get weird. Unfortunately for him, things always seem to get weird.
Franchise Kid is almost an archetype, a stand-in for the legions of cosplay-obsessed teens. He possesses an almost magical ability to instantly be wearing the costume most needed to give context to his next line, and speaks virtually entirely in quoted dialogue. He can be a dangerous opponent if his current costume includes weaponry. However, if caught in a Little Nemo costume, he's relatively helpless.
Mágelle is the concession-stand worker at Kate and Author's local theater. Though he only deals in standard concession fare, he is more sagely bartender than grunt employee, speaking in an Irish brogue and dispensing advice, consolation and Goobers with equal aplomb. He's also the third highest investor in the Rapscallions, the movie-pirating group from IC: Pirates.
Ruth is Kate's sister. She lacks her sibling's immunity to Cactus' charms.
Stanley Kubrick isn't really a character in the strip; he's just the manifestation of Author's subconscious.
Vernon was the next-in-command of Studio Litchfield. He seeks revenge for the falling of their former leader while restoring the studio to a higher glory for the predicted return of Litchfield.
Delphi, yet another member of the local indie film community, is peppy, energetic and utterly unable to remember how to pronounce Author's name (she keeps calling him "Arthur Donovan").
Vernon is the inheritor of Studio Litchfield, and leader of the paramilitary cult that surrounds the memory of the vanquished leader.
Dr. Beppo is a mad scientist/torturer employed by Vernon.
Acker and Collins are a pair of wisecrackin', action-oriented cops. They suspiciously resemble the Cinema Gods Action and Comedy from Genrevous Point, but the exact relationship has yet to be revealed, if it ever will.
Meridian is a goth-chick from the Poetry Jam episode. Although she is seen wearing a Studio Litchfield armband, as yet, little more can be said about her.
T-Dawg is another character from the poetry jam, but he specializes in white-boy rap; much like Acker and Collins, he resembles Teen Comedy of Genrevous Point.
The FCC Spectres are a silhouetted mob of humanoid figures that were introduced shortly after Kate used profanity (a first in the strip), calling for her censure (and censoring). They are led by a robed man with glasses, who has referenced other figures, Lord Adelstein and Lord Copps.
[edit] Pirates
[edit] The Rapscallions
John M. Churchill is the leader of the Rapscallions, a movie pirating group. In his own words, he's "just a gillie with nothing but eyes for the future". He's the script supervisor, who creates a duplicate of the movie's script to make sure the movie is in ship shape and has good audio quality, and to match up the video. He also owns a 'poorly-conjugated-Portuguese-and-movie-quote-speaking' parrot named Morgan, which Churchill claims calms his nerves. Churchill was married to Simon about five years before the Pirates story, but divorced her six months afterwards.
Audrey Simon Churchill is the Rapscallions' camera operator. She and Churchill were married in Italy some time before the storyline, but they divorced six months later.
James Fisk is the Rapscallions' sound operator. He carries a boom hook with him. He worked with Simon in St. Louis, when she was just starting out at movie pirating, and was something of a father figure to her. He's an old fisherman and carries old tales of the sea with him. He's reliable, but is known to take breaks to drink and sing folktale songs with his fellow crew.
The Watchman is the Rapscallions' personal bodyguard, who also seems to be mute. He carries around a tranquilizer dart to knock out anyone who catches on to their plans. His real name is unknown, but he was formerly a projectionist.
[edit] Other Characters
The Spoiler deals in black magic voodoo and in spoiling important plot points in movies, unless he is paid to shut up. Appears surrounded by flames and can transport himself in sand. He keeps a mystical hourglass, named Kestrel, for guidance.
The MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) is represented as stereotypical English policemen, and is led by a parliament and a queen.
Queen Jack Valenti is the queen of the MPAA. She tries to keep her waters clean of savage movie pirates.
Prime Minister Dan Glickman is the Prime Minister of the MPAA. In charge of diplomatic solutions of movie piracy but often overruled by the Queen.
[edit] Genrezvous Point
[edit] The Twelve Gods of Cinema
Comedy is one of the three major Gods of Cinema. Armed with only a microphone and a water bottle, he relies mostly on wisecracks and pop references, though his write-up suggests that he once had a more polished and subtle wit, laced with skilled slapstick.
Action the second of Genrezvous' 'big three', Action is a beefy, square-jawed warrior, bristling with what seems to be virtually every weapon that could possibly be wielded by a single person. He talks tough and acts tougher, and believes that overkill is never enough.
Drama is the last of the Big Three. He wanders about the mountain, clutching a bouquet of flowers that will never be delivered and tugging on his perpetually loose tie, mourning the love he lost. When he is about to suffer some further indignity, apples begin to surround him.
Western is one of the lesser gods--but don't tell him that. While he doesn't have the overwhelming weaponry of Action, he is even more willing to use his six-shooters in the infliction of pain and death on fools who insult him or his tainted honor. He's come a long way (down, generally) from the days when you could see what kind of man he was just by checking the color of his hat.
Sci-Fi was once proud and daring, but has been reduced by one of the plagues, CGI, into a hollow shell of his former self. In an attempt to reconstruct himself, Sci-Fi wound up using the remnants of a Soviet-era Russian nuke, which occasionally seems about to detonate. This makes the other Gods nervous. However, despite this, he remains the most optimistic and positive of the Gods, believing that the inherent goodness of people will ward off potential dystopias.
Horror is a bloody ghost, carrying around a ball-and-chain to remind us of his many sins--particularly his dalliance with the Plague of Sequels and Remakes. He is a desperate God, as his worshippers grow jaded, requiring him to reach further and further to shock them, a vicious cycle which only forces him further into degradation. Since having been infected with a virus from Japanrezvous Point, to the East, he now seems to focus almost entirely on creepy children, and requires a melodramatic chord to be able to act.
Fantasy is another victim of CGI, although where Sci-Fi was absorbed, Fantasy apparently signed himself over willingly. A sword-wielding dragon, Fantasy seems perpetually trying to gain the glory given to the other Gods, but always falling a bit short.
Musical continues to extol the virtue and lighthearted attitude that made her, decades ago. Somehow, she continues right on singing, even in an era of rap battles and dance-offs. She seems to be waiting for a revival.
Crime was once Film Noir. However, he died, and came back in his new form, afflicted by the Plague of Gratuity. Where once he had style and grace, now he has grit and bitterness. But still, as always, he's on the case.
Family is one of two 'composite Gods' among the pantheon of Genrezvous point, consisting of a classic nuclear family--square-jawed, pipe-smoking Dad, apron-clad Mom, sweet Daughter, athletic Son, and two easily marketed Westie dogs. They work with the Parent Television Council to make certain that every home in Genrevous Point is kept clean of smut and impurity, or indeed, any notion of social change since the 1950s, for the most part.
Romance is the other composite God. Guy and Girl Romance care nothing for the outside world, as they are surrounded by a swarm of hearts that shields them from all unpleasantness. Legend states that they got together at an airport when Guy Romance left his plane to pursue her. Legend also suggests that they consummated their relationship in the airport, but no one could really tell under all those damn hearts.
Experimental is... well, hard to describe. An amorphous, ever-changing abstract form, Experimental has trouble communicating, often requiring that the person being spoken to has a previous understanding of both the context and subtext of Experimental's dialogue.
[edit] The Seven Plagues of Cinema
The Crane of Gross Injustice, aka CGI, is a giant bird that swallows and coats its victims in a shiny, artificial shell, in exchange for which it siphons out all creativity before, well, excreting them.
Gratuity takes the form of a swarm of mosquito-like creatures, capable of infecting the Genre Gods with vulgarity, violence and nudity without cause.
Censorship is the natural enemy of Gratuity. This tentacled, ink-spewing blob could have been an ally to the Gods of Genre, were it not for the fact that it also blots out everything in the area of its arch-nemesis, stripping the Genres of any form of controversial content, regardless of what this does to their structure or artistic merits.
Sequels and Remakes consists of a horde of carnivorous rabbits. One bite causes the Genres to repeat their former actions with only slight variations on the formula.
Fandom is arguably the most repulsive of the plagues, a swarm of leeches that attempts to latch on and seize control of their target, refusing to accept any deviation from their will and loudly decrying any attempt at disputing their collective 'wisdom' and influence on their target.
Sponsorship was so subtle that it was a long time before anyone even noticed it had arrived. The owl-logo brand-mark is capable of forcing its victims to make obsequious use of brand-name products and introducing a vulnerablity to the other Plagues, including, oddly, both Censorship and Gratuity, depending on exactly what the market will bear.
Hype is the seventh, most awaited, most feared and most heralded of the Plagues. It's a dead fish, and tends to stink up the place.
[edit] The Demi-Gods
Often, the Genres undergo transforming experiences that cause them to take on new and sometimes bizarre forms, either through interaction with one another or with the plagues.
The first of these was Buddy Movie, resulting from a team-up between Comedy and Action.
Teen Comedy was birthed when Family Movie's Son was infected by Gratuity.
Drama can assume a variety of alternate forms once his curse is lifted--Political Drama, Science Drama, Academic Drama, Professional Drama and Medical Drama have all been at least hinted at; there may be more.
Internet Phenomenon was summoned through a combined effort of Hype and Fandom. It proceeded to bring about the return of Teen Comedy, and at the same time freed Daughter from the Family to become the grrrl-power-espousing Chick Flick.
If Action is pushed to the brink, he becomes the even grittier and tougher War Film.
When Romance splits up, Girl Romance plays the field, yielding Romantic Comedy. When she leaves Comedy, he becomes bitter and resentful, transforming into Dark Comedy.
What occurs when Girl Romance hooks up with Mom and Dad from Family, or with Experimental, is best left to the imagination.
