Talk:History of model organisms
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Peer Review by Eugene for History of Model Organisms: -Your intro is good in that it clearly states what a model organism is and what it is useful for, but maybe you could expand a little more on the history aspect. -I like the way you transition from talking about Mendel’s work with peas and the way his work was used in coming up with new model organisms like the fruit fly. -In the paragraph beginning, “Drosophila exist today as one of the more advanced forms…” I think there is a typo that needs to be fixed. I think you mean to say, “…forms of insects on the planet due to their rapid evolution.” -I like the last paragraph of the article where you tie in larger applications of the use of model organisms and why they are important.
Peer review by Blake - the introduction provided me with a clear understanding of the topic. The general flow and transition from one topic to another, from explaining the importance of the study of Drosophila, other insects, bacteria and mice is very good and precise. However, I found the last portion of your article on the study of mice for model organisms really interesting, and I was interested in knowing a little more about this topic. As well, I think that the history of model organisms is extremely important. Although you do have one paragraph in the beginning about the history, it might be helpful to add in a little more information to provide your reader with a little more background as to the nature of the topic.
Peer Review by Lauren: In your introduction, you might want to start off with a general definition of 'model organism,' and you could include a little more information to let the reader know what the article is going to be talking about-maybe make sections and touch on each one in the intro. I would re-word your last sentence so that it doesn't include the word "hopefully," which seems too casual for the article- you could say something like "with the intention of creating...." I like your transitions, but the article would seem more coherent and be easier to follow if you created sections, ie Mendel's early models, Drosophila as a model, The need for various model organisms, Mice as alternative model organisms, the continuing importance of model organsims. I think you have a good use of concrete examples in explaining the topic, but I would avoid statements like "can also be found buzzing around trash cans and rotten fruit" and "one has to remember" because it detracts from the formality of the article.
== Comments Related to Paper ==
Dear Article Author,
Greetings! I have read your article and I believe that you should make several adjustments.
For one, the introduction doesn't follow the instructions. The first sentence in your introduction should actually be the second because it states the significance of the article, although it should be reworded to something along the lines of "The significance of the history of model organisms is ..." The first sentence should simply state what the topic is. Additionally, instead of simply introducing the topic, the introduction was supposed to summarize the entire article and this was supposed to be done in 2-3 paragraphs.
The body of the article should also be divided into sections. The first sentence in the second
paragraph of the body should be eliminated. For an encyclopedia article, it is inappropriate and you should simply start talking about drosophila. In addition, if it is possible, you should include the page numbers for your first citations. Finally, the word drosophilasist in the third body paragraph should be puralized given the context. I hope that these comments are helpful.
Sincerely,
Gilbert
Lee4 21:51, 5 December 2006 (UTC)
