Headlines (The Tonight Show)

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"Headlines" is a segment on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno airing weekly. The segment usually airs on Monday, though at times it airs on Tuesday. Viewers submit funny newspaper headlines from all over the world. They include interesting typos as well as odd photographs and advertisements, poor translations, ads featuring pets dressed up in clothing, stories highlighting "dumb criminals", and amusing pairings of names in wedding announcements. Other items submitted include pages from telephone books, brochures, and food menus. In 2006 David Letterman began a similar segment called "Small Town News" on The Late Show.

[edit] Categories

Although they are shown on TV in a seemingly random order with no categorization, a few types of submissions have repeatedly shown up:

This is an incomplete list, which may never be able to satisfy certain standards for completeness. Revisions and sourced additions are welcome.

Odd names: Weird names for restaurants (i.e. Hu Dat) or people (Phat Ho).
- Weddings: Wedding announcements in the papers with bizarre name combinations, i.e. "Long-Short," "Hardey-Bouyes," etc.
Typos: Words that are misspelled and thus have a new meaning, i.e. "land of milk and hiney," "Thompson's Penis a Sword" (meant Tommy Thompson's pen is a sword).
Photos
- Mispositioned photos: Pictures, taken by professional photographers, with bizarre positioning. Examples include people with things positioned behind them to look like their noses are growing, and a man placed in front of a tree in the distance, thus making it look like he has an afro.
- Photos with inappropriate objects: Items sometimes appear in photos which do not belong. Examples include a picture of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck with a black hand on Ben's shoulder and a picture of Jennifer Connelly wearing a shirt with two buttons positioned in a way that, in black-and-white, look like nipples.
Strange products: Either obvious rip-offs ($100 for a gymnastic stick, "send in $100 to learn how to make money at home"-type ads), strange and useless innovations (a marshmallow spinner for campfires), or normal products with odd descriptions (kosher Easter candy).
- Menu items: Sometimes, restaurants have items on their menu with strange, sometimes unwittingly obscene names, i.e. "Poo Thong" or "Fuk Kin Fried Rice."
- Clothing for Animals: Described by Jay as something he "hates," shows items, usually from a catalog, meant to be worn by a pet, usually a cat or a dog. Jay usually says that they are ridiculous because the animal would refuse to wear the item, and the owner would likely be attacked if he or she attempted to dress the pet.
Dumb criminals: Often described by Jay as something he "loves," they tell stories of criminals who make "dumb" mistakes, i.e. criminals who showed ID when asked and held their hands in front of their faces to disguise themselves.
Police blotter: Police radio transcripts with strange items (a woman calling in to report that she had a stupid husband) or possible typos (donuts found loitering in a field).
Dual meanings: Headlines with phrasing that gives a different meaning than what the author intended, i.e. "Fat kids make huge impact" or "Condom found in bag of nuts."
What Do You Think?: Newspapers often ask people about controversial issues. Non sequitur responses are sent in, i.e. a college student asked about the gay marriage debate replies that he hasn't thought about it because he just woke up, and a man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth disapproves of cell phone towers because they "give you cancer."