User:Haneykyle

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1 Kyle Haney

[edit] Kyle Haney

Kyle Haney poses for a campaign poster

[edit] Biography

Kyle Haney was born in the summer of '69. As a matter of fact, the Bryan Adams song was written specifically for the occasion

Born to his two mothers in the small town of Puhpbuhtt, Canada, he has somewhere between 13-40 brothers.

He is directly related to Lee Haney, they are brothers.

In 1999, Kyle campaigned for city council, his stance was Pro-Motor Scooters and he wanted to spend the budget on a Mexican-themed party. He won in a landslide and is now the head of city council... all of the city councils.

Many people wonder about Kyle's red hair since his mother's hair is brown, and his father's hair is blonde; the quick answer to why Kyle's hair is red is simple... he is a volcano. Since Kyle is a volcano he needs sacrifices to further forgo eruption. Every Thursday in Puhpbuht, citizens can be seen giving Kyle anything from gold all the way to their wives.

[edit] Why Kyle Rules or Why Kyle is Important

If you have to ask this question you should probably be smacked, Kyle is the most important person on the interwebs, he pretty much rules.

Also, Kyle likes stuff, you should like stuff too.

Also Amanda Winarsky rules as she is Kyle's accomplice to their devilish antics, and zany schemes, many of which were designed to make Ms. Holland's life increasingly difficult (current techniques to bother her include: amazing singing duets [usually of Journey] and a whole slew of awesomely awesome current events... that are awesome

[edit] Kyle's Favourite Music

Kyle listens almost exclusively to Journey, Whitesnake, Jon Bon Jovi, and sometimes The Scorpions

Kyle also likes Devo, Prince, Justin Timberlake, Old school MJ, when he was black, and the sound his fingers make while typing this.

He also digs Enrique, for realzies.

[edit] Random Facts

It has been said that Kyle's beard has the power to destroy villages and to bring women to their knees. It is both rough and manly, and yet clean and delicate.

Amanda Winarsky and Yaw Yawson both think the "K" man should do the JT hair style. Kyle would but he thinks that this would over power all men everywhere, not like he isn't doing that already with that kickin' beard. You feel me? It's the bees knees.

Kyle is an honorary Doctor of Love, with a PhD in "gettin' it on"; some people call him the gangster of love... SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE (WOOOMP WOW!)

Kyle is creditted with being the first to pour a whole bag of "Chunks Ahoy!" cookies into a bowl and putting milk on top, the results of his scientific inquiry, and I quote:

"Delicious!"

Kyle didn't bring Sexy back, he insists that sexy never left. He is, however, too sexy for his shirt.

Kyle is longtime friends with the very pretty and talented, Amanda Winarsky, despite her lack of attending Tokyo Police Club and the fact that she stole upwards to 2 WHOLE DOLLARS, from his pocket 4 or 5 years ago

MORE TO COME!

[edit] What Can Kyle Do For My Life?

That's an interesting question, unless Kyle has expressed a disliking to you (most people can stop reading now) or you either

A: Look him directly in the eyes

B: ...LOOK HIM DIRECTLY IN THE EYES, I REPEAT: DO NOT LOOK HIM DIRECTLY IN THE EYES!

...then Kyle is usually recommended as he makes life better. He's like butter on bread, wait no, he's not like butter or bread... those are "white people" products. Kyle is more like grape drink. Yeah, Kyle is like grape drink. Kyle Haney's hair is what we black people call "orange drink".

Kyle doesn't believe in Unicorns but that doesn't stop him from realizing that they kick ass