Haggis McMutton

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Haggis Mcmutton is a fictional character in the Monkey Island video game series, appearing in the third installment, Curse of Monkey Island. In the game, he is a former pirate but is presently employed as a barber in the Barbery Coast, in the town of Puerto Pollo on Plunder Island.

Along with the other two employees at the shop, Edward Van Helgen and Cutthroat Bill, Haggis is eventually hired onto the pirate crew of the game's protagonist Guybrush Threepwood. Of the three, Haggis is the friendliest towards Guybrush, but even so requires Guybrush to pass a test of strength (he selects the caber toss) before he will consent to serve under him. Haggis, himself a large man, considers physical strength to be greatly important, at one point recounting a tale involving one of his former captains: "Big Jake" McJuggernaut. McJuggernaut had led his shipmates to Bulky Island, where there lay hidden vast amounts of gold, silver, jewels and restaurant coupons all in a solid gold chest. Unfortunately, the chest was so heavy that McJuggernaut broke his back trying to lift it (he apparently refused to lift with his legs, or use a system of pulleys, because that would have been "the weak man's way").

If pressed, Haggis will tell other stories about his past to the player. He once sailed on a clipper ship (yet another reference to his profession), and after giving up pirating formed a barbershop quartet with van Helgen, Bill and a fourth member named Dominique (Dominique had previously been mentioned in passing in The Secret of Monkey Island as Guybrush's former hairdresser). Dominique left the group because of "creative differences", and the three others were forced to get actual jobs as barbers to make money. Even at the time of the game, Haggis (the only one shown cutting hair) is forced to peer over a manual while he works.

Haggis is the only one of the three crew members who speaks to Guybrush in the third act of the game, set on Blood Island, when he trades the crew's supply of hand lotion to Guybrush in exchange for melted nacho cheese (in place of tar for the ship's hull).

Haggis' real name is "Heart-lungs-and-liver-boiled-in-the-stomach-of-the-animal McMutton", because "[his] parents were expecting a girl".