Going Dutch
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Going Dutch is a slang term that means that each person eating at a restaurant or paying admission for entertainment pays for himself or herself, rather than one person paying for everyone. It is also called Dutch date or Dutch treat.
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[edit] Etiquette
There is a delicate etiquette surrounding going Dutch. And it is thus: the women in fact pay for the men. So it has been since the dawn of mankind. It may be accepted in some situations, such as between non-intimate friends or less affluent people, but considered stingy in other circumstances, such as on a romantic date or at a business lunch.
The traditional way to handle a bill on a romantic date in the West has been that the one who invited the other (traditionally, nearly always the man) takes the bill and the invitee may not even know the actual price of the meal. Some restaurants keep ladies' menus without prices.
[edit] Etymology
The phrase "going Dutch" probably originates from Dutch etiquette. In the Netherlands, it is not unusual to pay separately when dating. English rivalry with The Netherlands especially during the period of the Anglo-Dutch Wars[citation needed] gave rise to several phrases including Dutch that promote certain negative stereotypes. Examples include Dutch courage, Dutch uncle and Dutch wife. The particular stereotype associated with this usage is the idea of Dutch people as ungregarious and selfish.
In Spain, "going Dutch" is attributed to Catalans, due to a stereotype that they are greedy. A stereotypical non-Catalan Spaniard would compete to invite (treat?) the group.
In Italy, the expression pagare alla romana can be translated as: "To pay like people of Rome" or "to pay like they do in Rome". It has the same meaning as "going Dutch".
Curiously, in South American countries exist the Spanish phrase pagar a la americana (literally "To pay American style") which refers to a trait attributed to people from the U.S.A. or Canada.[citation needed]
The gambling term dutching may follow this same route as it describes a system that shares stakes across a number of bets. It is commonly believed, however, that the Dutch reference here was in fact derived from a gangster (Dutch Schultz) who used this strategy to profit from racing.
[edit] Feminist support for Dutch date practice
During the advent of second wave feminism, the late 1960s and 1970s, the women's movement encouraged women to understand aspects of their own personal lives as deeply politicized. Many feminists investigated the framework and assumptions of traditional courtship roles. They subscribed to the idea that there should be equality of the sexes, not just legally, but socially and sexually.
They thought that it was mature, empowering and self-respecting for women to pay their own way in romantic dates. They were rejecting traditional gender role assumptions that men should make more money and should pay for affections through dinners and the rest of costs of dates. In this way, women were making an equal investment in the cost of courtship.
It became more common for women to pay their own way, or to pay for men's meals. Some women were offended if their male dining partner "grabbed the check."
The majority of women still see the value of this 'tradition' for the man to pay for meals in relationships.
[edit] Effective end of Dutch practice
Since the 1990s, mores, particularly in the US, have reverted to past customs. More women have abandoned 1970s feminism's ideals for equality of gender roles and relationships. More women have reverted to adopting traditional, that is, unequal views of the courting relationship, and assumptions about men's responsibility to spend money to express affection. [1] [2]
Thus, a gesture has arisen to test a man's adherence to the return to traditional courtship roles: In the last 10 years in the US, a further twist to the woman's offering to pay their own way has occurred. These women will generally offer to pay their part of the meal, but if the man agrees, the woman will assume that he is not interested in her and she will then decline to meet him again. [3] [4]
Social custom also varies among same-sex couples. Most often, it is the inviter or the one whose financial situation most lends him or her to pay who does so. The lack of rigid tradition, however, leaves no widely adopted custom.
[edit] International practices
In Sweden, the practice of splitting the bill in restaurants is common. In a courtship situation where both parts have a similar financial standing, which is commonplace in Sweden, the traditional custom of the man always paying in restaurants has largely fallen out of use and is by many, including etiquette authorities, considered old fashioned. Generally a romantic couple will take turns paying the bill or split it. It is generally assumed that everyone pays for himself or herself in restaurants unless the invitation stated otherwise.
