Gharjamai

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Across the Asian sub-continent, the term 'Gharjamai' refers to a live-in son-in-law. The term literally means househusband in Indian languages such as Hindi and Gujarati. The term is used across the sub-continent with different pronounciations and synonyms. In Urdu the word Ghardamad is used where Damad is the Urdu word for son-in-law. The pronounication Gharjawai is also used.

The everyday meaning pertains to any man that gets married and then spends his life trying to win over her parents' approval. It is often inferred that if he is to keep going round to her parents everyday to gaandchaat (patronise) his Sasro (father in law) he should move into the inlaws' (Sasra) house where he can do that as a fulltime occupation. It is popular understanding that the only thing worse than a Gharjamai is one that refuses to admit it, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Instead, a Gharjamai will resort to using personal jibes, rather than understanding, that those that tell him he is becoming a "sasro-no–lund-lataktho-gharjamai" ("Overwhelmingly a househusband") are actually saying it for his own good.

In certain ultra-conservative villages in India, Gharjamais still have to cover their head in the presence of their father in law, and have a cup of tea ready when guests arrive^[1]. Since he chooses to live like a dog – Eating, Sleeping, Screwing, and taking Master’s (Sasro’s) orders, to fetch, sit and run – A Gharjamai is treated no different from a dog^[2].

Even as recently as 1998, lynchmobs have been known to kill those accused of being Gharjamais. This growing neo-fascism has even resulted in one NRI father of a Gharjamai being murdered, solely on the grounds that he did not stop his son becoming a fulltime Gharjamai^{[citation needed]}. According to reports at the time, his father was 'punished' for disgracing the entire village, with the social stigma of having raised a man that grew to be a Gharjamai^[3]

As Indians emigrate to Occidental countries, the term Gharjamai has in turn been Westernised, and abbreviated to 'GJ' and is used as a light-hearted insult whenever a married man acts as a subordinate to his wife or her parents.

Gharjamais continue to be excommunicated, often treated worse than lower caste untouchables, and so government funded social refuges have begun to spring up to provide a safe haven for Gharjamais where they can not only rehabilitate themselves but regain their lost sense of masculinity^[4]. They eventually learn to confidently deal with any orders (farmaish) from their Sasra with a number of sharp rebukes such as “Eh benchod, thora paisa aya mokal, maray rand chodvi chay – Anay daroo nay thamakoo sasoo nay kay sampethra ma moklay” ("No thank you, I think it is time you did something for me for a change").

Such words are incredibly difficult to initially muster up, but slowly and surely, they come like a second language. These rehabilitated Gharjamais smatter every sentence in dialogue with their inlaws with a liberal sprinkling of words such as “chodia” “bhosrina” and “tatto”. (Various terms for one who is a subordinate)

Films and TV serials have been made about this phenomenon.

Ghar Jamai: 1935

Article on Gharjamais