General Hospital (Blackadder)
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| Blackadder Episode | |
| Plan E: General Hospital | |
 Nurse Mary |
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|---|---|
| Air date | 26/10/1989 |
| Writer(s) | Ben Elton Richard Curtis |
| Director | R. Boden |
| Guest star(s) | Miranda Richardson Bill Wallis |
| ← Prev Private Plane |
Next → Goodbyeee... |
General Hospital is an episode of the fourth series of the BBC One sitcom Blackadder Goes Forth.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
George, Baldrick and Blackadder are playing "I spy". Needless to say, Baldrick is clueless, saying breakfast begins with tea (but not a letter as the postman doesn't come until 10.30) and that motorbike begins with rrrrrr, which results in Blackadder hitting him. George hears something beginning with "B" and says it is a bomb. A bomb does indeed hit their trench, injuring George.
George ends up in the field hospital where he meets soppy Nurse Mary and reads a letter to her. Blackadder enters the hospital, accuses George of being a "malingering git" and demands the food sent by George's relatives, only to find it has all been eaten. Baldrick presents George with a bunch of dead stalks (that have had their heads shot off). Blackadder is summoned by General Melchett to HQ, offending Nurse Mary and meeting a suspicious German speaking man as he leaves the hospital.
Blackadder enters the HQ, sees Melchett's face behind a map covered board and is immediately frisked by Darling, who gives the all-clear. Blackadder wants to know what is going on and is told by Melchett that there is something sinister and grotesque and it's right under his nose (and surprisingly enough it's not the general's lovely moustache). There appears to be a German spy about, who is giving away British battle plans (such as moving to Boulogne, only to find the Germans have bought all the toilet paper). This surprises Blackadder, who didn't realise there were any battle plans or that battles were directed, until he is informed that there is a grand plan (which he straight away names as the plan to "continue with total slaughter until everybody's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise Alan", which causes great alarm in General Melchett as the security leak is worse than he'd imagined).
Darling informs Blackadder that Haig is anxious to eliminate all German spies ("filthy Hun weasels fighting a dirty underhanded war", says Melchett) and that one of the British spies ("brave heroes risking life and limb for Blighty", says Melchett) has discovered that the leak comes from the field hospital. Blackadder is charged with finding the spy. He asks for 6 months to do so but is given 3 weeks. Melchett recommends getting a cocker spaniel, tying the suspect to a chair, putting a potty on his head, popping his todger between two floury baps and shouting "Dinner time Fido!". If he succeeds, Blackadder will be made Head of Operation Winkle ("to winkle out the spies").
Blackadder leaves after insulting Darling, who is enraged at Blackadder's insolence and convinces Melchett to send him to the hospital to keep an eye on Blackadder. Melchett informs Darling of the need for a convincing wound and promptly shoots him in the foot.
After a short discussion about Baldrick's dislike of doctors, Baldrick suggesting that Blackadder gets to know Nurse Mary and Baldrick's Miss Right having to get out of a strait-jacket before gathering him in her arms, the duo return to the hospital, interrupting George's letter reading and again upsetting the nurse when Blackadder announces he is going to conduct himself with no decorum.
George is informed of the German spy and promptly comes up with a way to find him, which is to look at the list of patients and see if anyone has "von" in their name. He finds the idea of the spy using a fake name unfair. Baldrick suggests asking everyone "Are you a German spy?" and says he would own up. Blackadder points out that the Germans have not yet added the requirement "must have intellectual capacity of a boiled potato" to their army entrance form. He then assigns Baldrick to watch the suspicious German speaking man.
Darling enters, limping with a cane. Blackadder of course takes advantage of this opportunity to humiliate his rival, starting with saying that Melchett was aiming for between Darling's legs after Darling says the General wasn't aiming for anything. Blackadder informs Darling that he intends to interview suspects immmediately.
We then see Darling in the position Melchett suggested to Blackadder earlier. Blackadder asks a few questions about the Queen of England and the Kaiser, before playing good cop/bad cop and calling for the cocker spaniel. This frightens Darling, who insists he is as British as Queen Victoria ("You mean your father's half German, you're half German and you married a German" says Blackadder.
The loudness of the "interrogation" brings Nurse Mary in to complain. Darling leaves, still attached to the chair and swearing revenge. Mary undergoes a complete personality change, revealing that her earlier behaviour was a fluffy bunny act and offers Blackadder a cigarette. Blackadder replies that he only smokes after sex, which makes him a 20-a-day man back in England. The two end up having sex on the desk.
After a short return to the hospital, where George asks the German speaking man if he's seen any potential German spies, is told "Nein" and thinks the man said "Nine", Blackadder and Mary are shown talking about special people in their lives (the only one in Blackadder's is himself), tanks and great English universities. Blackadder tells Mary his time is up and that he is going back to Melchett's HQ. He invites Mary to come with him.
Blackadder and Mary arrive at HQ and talk to Melchett, who has had a letter from the Germans calling him Walrus Face and asking when he is going to change his shirt. Mary thinks the spy is Darling as he had pooh-poohed Blackadder. This causes Melchett to talk about how ignoring a pooh-pooh is a fatal error and that a regiment once had to be disbanded as its morale was destroyed by pooh-pooh. Unfortunately, however, Darling is not the spy. Mary then says it must be the German speaking man. Blackadder points out that even the Germans wouldn't be stupid enough to field a spy with a strong German accent. He then accuses Mary of being the spy, giving three pieces of evidence. First, she speaks German. Second, she asked about tank movements. Third, she failed to spot that there were only two great universities, not the three Blackadder mentioned (Oxford, Cambridge and Hull). Melchett agrees, as "Oxford's a complete dump". Mary is taken away to a firing squad.
As Melchett is about to use the phone, the German speaking man approaches, followed by Darling. After a brief scuffle between the two, Darling pulls a gun and asks if the German speaking man is a spy, who answers that he is. Melchett says that the man is Brigadier Sir Bernard Proudfoot-Smith, the best spy the British have. Darling points out the German accent and Smith says it is because he has been undercover in Germany so long.
Blackadder is made Head of Operation Winkle, while Darling is told that he is a complete arse. Melchett and Smith leave to watch the firing squad as George enters, who reveals that he has been writing letters to his Uncle Herman in Munich, and told him about Walrus Face Melchett and his smelly shirts. Blackadder and Darling realise that George is the leak and Darling smugly asks Blackadder who he would like to inform Melchett of this. They dash out of the room as the episode ends.
[edit] Significance
[edit] Trivia
The reference in this episode to the University of Hull is anachronistic, as it was founded almost a decade after World War I ended.
When Melchett (Steven Fry) notes that "Oxford is a complete dump", this is an inside gag as Steven Fry went to Cambridge University and Rowan Atkinson went to Oxford. (The joke being that Cambridge and Oxford University are rivals).
