G.R.O.S.S
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From the renowned comic strip, "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Watterson, G.R.O.S.S. is a club formed by and solely composed of the two titular protagonists. The club's objective is to Get Rid Of Slimy girlS.
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[edit] History
G.R.O.S.S was founded by Calvin when he decided to begin a new secret club. Hobbes' idea for the club name was "The Hobbes Fan Club", though Calvin preferred "The Most Sinister Icy Black Hand of Death Club" (possibly a reference to Serbian nationalist group Black Hand, instigator of World War I).
Eventually, they agreed on G.R.O.S.S, based on the idea that as it stood for Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, Susie Derkins would never be able to join (though Hobbes has since expressed an interest in her joining).
Needing a headquarters, Calvin contemplated on using the garage. However, the car was in the way. Sure that his mother would say no if he asked her to move it, Calvin talked Hobbes into the two of them trying to push it out themselves. However, what they did not realize was that the driveway was on a slope. Once the car started rolling, it kept rolling down the drive and out onto the road. Luckily, no one hit it, but the car ran backwards into a ditch on the other side of the road.
Terrified of the trouble they would get into, Calvin and Hobbes quickly packed everything they could and left home. However, they didn't get very far since Calvin's mother found them. To Calvin's surprise, he didn't get in trouble since no one was hurt and the car wasn't damaged.
G.R.O.S.S was not mentioned again for a while, Calvin obviously unsettled by their first attempts at finding a headquarters. However, at some unknown time, Calvin decided to try again, this time, making the headquarters at his treehouse. Ever since, G.R.O.S.S has continued on.
[edit] Headquarters
When G.R.O.S.S. was first formed, the major dispute was about where headquarters would be. Calvin had the idea of using the garage as headquarters. That plan, however, backfired; Calvin and Hobbes pushed the car into the driveway to make more room. Apparently, however, the driveway was slanted, as the car rolled down the drive and into a ditch across the street. Calvin ran away, but his mother found him, and Calvin didn't get into trouble. After that disastrous attempt, Calvin and Hobbes decided at some point to hold meetings in Calvin's treehouse instead. It serves as an excellent vantage point for throwing water balloons at the enemy (Susie) as well as a good place to hide.
When the treehouse is inaccessible or time is critical, G.R.O.S.S meetings can be held in "The Box of Secrecy". This is the same box Calvin uses for his other inventions, such as the Transmogrifier. The members sit inside (G.R.O.S.S is written on the side) and Hobbes holds up a flashlight. Much to Hobbes' disappointment, the box lacks airholes, favouring secrecy over comfort.
[edit] Password
Because Calvin is incapable of climbing the tree itself (which is forgivable, considering the tree's shape), he needs a rope ladder to get into the treehouse. However, since Hobbes can climb the tree without the rope, it is his job to throw the rope down. Because Hobbes could access H.Q. without the rope ladder, he was allowed to come up with the password to gain entry to the treehouse. As a result, and much to Calvin's immense annoyance, he created a poem of over seven verses, each one being an ode to tigers. Should Calvin stop reciting the password in the middle in order to insult Hobbes and/or call him names, he must start reciting the password from the beginning all over again.
- The first verse is;
"Tigers are mean.
Tigers are fierce.
Tigers have teeth
and claws that pierce."
- The second verse is;
"Tigers are great,
they can't be beat.
If I were a tiger,
then that would be neat."
- It is evident that these two verses are the first two, as Hobbes asks for the password; Calvin recites these two verses; Hobbes asks for the third verse while Calvin makes a bitter remark about how Hobbes can climb the tree without the rope ladder and therefore was allowed to make the password.
- Verses 3-5 are never heard.
- Verse Six has a dance to go with it, though Calvin is never seen doing it;
"Tigers are nimble
and light on their toes,
my respect for tigers
continually grows."
- The seventh verse goes;
"Tigers are perfect,
the epitome
of good looks and grace
and quiet dignity."
- The final (probably 8th) verse goes;
"Tigers are great!
They're the toast of the town.
Life's always better
When a tiger's around!"
- It is evident that this verse is the last one, as immediately after reciting it, Hobbes let down the rope ladder, Calvin remarking "Considering I outrank you, I don't think I should have to do that!"
[edit] Meetings
Meetings of G.R.O.S.S. proceed as follows; First the Supreme Dictator-For-Life calls the meeting to order, and allows the First Tiger to read the minutes of the last meeting. The First Tiger often humorously and casually refers to certain aspects of the previous meeting in different ways. In one instance, he referred to a fistfight that lasted half an hour as a "philisophical discussion". In another, he referred to telling Calvin to jump in a lake as "First Tiger offers reasonable solution". In one meeting, a huge brawl broke out merely over the club minutes. After the minutes are read, the meeting begins. Usually Calvin reveals some plan to annoy Susie. The club's anthem is apparently sung at the end of the meeting, though it has never before been sung at the end of any meeting of G.R.O.S.S. (in fact the one time it HAD been sung was before it was on the club agenda.
[edit] Demerits
Demerits are issued to any club member as punishment for wrongdoing. Apparently, any officer is allowed to give out demerits, but not to anyone outranking him. Calvin usually gives demerits to Hobbes for traitorous activity (Hobbes once got 15 demerits for "besmirching the club's reputation", and 5 for "conduct unbecoming an officer" when Susie had stolen Hobbes and he didn't maul her. Hobbes once received two demerits for singing the G.R.O.S.S. anthem prior to its appearance on the agenda. Hobbes attempted to give Calvin five for not removing his hat during its "hallowed refrain", but Calvin retorted that he can't get demerits because he outranks Hobbes.
[edit] Purpose
G.R.O.S.S has one single mission which is the reason for its existence: To bug girls. And since Susie is the only recurring young girl in the strip, she ends up being the target for all of G.R.O.S.S' plans.
From a creative point of view, the point of G.R.O.S.S mainly provides potential for new story arcs, though it may also be a parody of war leaders and the plans they make. In one strip where Calvin is coming up with a plan to hit Susie with a water balloon, involving a secret code, maps, false documents etc, Hobbes points out the unnecessary amount of complexity in the plan, believing it would be a great deal simpler to just hit her with balloons where she was. Calvin rejects the idea, claiming Hobbes lacks an executive, strategical mind.
[edit] Members
Although Calvin and Hobbes are the only two physical members of the club, they both play several officers at once. (Hobbes once said, "You can tell this is a great club because we have so many officers.") Calvin's two most frequently appearing roles are:
- Dictator-for-life, the unelected leader of the club. In this role, Calvin calls meetings to order and is constantly handing out promotions and medals as rewards, and demerits as punishment.
- Field Scout Calvin. In this role, Calvin will give reports on the enemy's location and give recommendations for appropriate courses of action, which usually involve some kind of strike force armed with water balloons.
Hobbes' best known roles are
- President, originally a title wanted by Calvin, until he realised Dictator-for-life would be more fun. This is the only officer Calvin reports to as Field Scout, though Hobbes reports to him when he is the Dictator. President Hobbes authorises missions requested by the Field Scout.
- First Tiger, a parody of First man. In this role, Hobbes records the minutes during each meeting and reads them out at the next ones.
[edit] Anthem
The club has an anthem that is to be sung at the end of a meeting. Hobbes is particularly fond of the anthem and once sung it ahead of time, much to Calvin's annoyance. We do not know the full song, nor do we know the tune, but the refrain is: "Oh Grohoooss! Best Club in the Cosmos…". During the singing of the anthem, all G.R.O.S.S. members are to remove their hats.
Calvin sings a soprano part of the anthem, but he claims that will only be until his voice changes.
[edit] Equipment
The club carries a modest amount of equipment for meetings and for missions. They are as follows:
- Paper hats. These hats are worn by the senior members of the club. Apparently Calvin's hat, no though different from Hobbe's, is what makes him Dictator-for-life. In one strip, Hobbes stole it in an attempt to usurp Calvin's position. Field Scout Calvin is the only senior member who does not wear a hat.
- Bottlecaps. Bottlecaps are used in the place of medals, which the Dictator hands out to all officers who took part in successful missions. He has been known to hand them out on practically any mission regardless of success or failure, simply to convince the members (and possibly himself) that the club is a success.
- Club rule book. A small notepad which states all the rules for the club as well as secret codes. All rules are written by senior members, which do not need to be voted on apparently. For example, Hobbes once wrote "Hobbes=great"(though misspelling it terribly) which he then claimed was now an official rule. The book is also divided into sections, which in turn, are divided into articles. We only ever hear of one article.
Section XIV Article 12.
Every secret plan needs a secret code.
A. The more complex, the better.
B. Everyone already knows 'Pig Latin'.
C. Phrases like 'Code Blue' are cool.
- Field Scout's stick. A twig Field Scout Calvin holds while delivering reports.
- Flashlight. Used during meetings that take place in the Box of Secrecy.
- Maps. Often drawn by Hobbes, these maps are usually of the neighbourhood, with secret bases marked out.
- Tape recorder. Once used in a mission to lure Susie into a closet via a false message.
- Water Balloons. The club's primary arsenal, used to pelt enemies(Susie). Though no G.R.O.S.S stories ever took place during the winter (most likely because Calvin is trying to be good to please Santa), it is likely that snowballs would replace water balloons.
- Mushy Apples. Used once as an assault on Susie. Calvin saved them just in case opportunity should strike.
Interestingly, water pistols are not used by G.R.O.S.S members during missions.
[edit] Disputes
A number of times, the senior members have argued, which resulted in fights (though truces were usually called soon after). In such situations, the Dictator often tried to demote the President, though he usually found loopholes. The worst argument resulted in the club splitting, with Hobbes creating a new club called C.A.D(Calvin's A Dope), while Calvin reformed G.R.O.S.S into "Hobbes is a Mangy Flea-bitten Furball". All charges were swiftly dropped when the two clubs worked together to launch an attack on Susie.
[edit] Successes
G.R.O.S.S rarely had any successes in their missions, though Calvin would sometimes claim they had succeeded (most likely to boost his own morale). The only indisputable success was when Susie stayed over and Calvin tricked her into a closet and then held the door closed.
Other missions which are considered successful include:
- Holding Susie's doll ransom which resulted in Hobbes' capture. Calvin ended up having to pay a ransom himself to get Hobbes back, but cheered up when Hobbes revealed that he had read a secret message (which was in fact, an insult to Calvin Susie had written in her diary).
- When Hobbes and Calvin argued and split the club in two, but quickly reformed when Susie walked nearby, allowing them to attack her with mushy apples.
- An attempt to pelt Susie with a water balloon backfired with Calvin getting soaked, but he awarded medals for bravery.
