Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Alpha Phi Alpha/Archive1

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[edit] Alpha Phi Alpha

This is a self-nominated article in which I have provided a majority of the input. The article has been peer reviewed and all comments addressed. I believe the article should be considered as a featured article because it meets the FA criteria and because I think historical aspects of the named orgnization would be of interest to the many readers of wikipedia. Please provide any constructive feedback/ideas on how the article can be improved to make it a featured artile. Ccson 14:08, 24 April 2006 (UTC)

Weak oppose. The formatting makes for some rather long sections, like the consolidation and expansion section, which I find to be unpalatable. Is there any way that some of this can be broken up a bit? Otherwise, it looks good. --Danaman5 15:35, 24 April 2006 (UTC) Support. This new formatting looks good. You have my support. However, two things to consider: you might want to move the quote at the end of pledging and the beginning of membership so that they are both fully within their respective sections, and the small picture gallery under heritage may be unnecessary, as the pictures themselves do not really relate to the fraternity.--Danaman5 17:43, 24 April 2006 (UTC)

The quotes are in the right sections, but the quote that begins "Let there be no complaints about brutality..." runs down a bit into the pledging section below it. My point was that I believe that this shouldn't happen. There might be nothing that you can do about it, and that is fine. It just struck me as looking kind of bad. --Danaman5 18:31, 24 April 2006 (UTC)

• Object for an unencyclopedic tone -- don't present disputable claims by the article's subject as fact. Overall, it's an informative article, but needs some massive copyediting, both on general understandability grounds and on NPOV. It's far too gushy.
  • "Alpha Phi Alpha was born of a desire to promote close association and mutual support among African Americans at Cornell University" (appears to be some debate presented later about where and how this frat was formed; could just as easily be interpreted as a desire to form an organization that gets to exclude people)
  • "The visionary founders" is not appropriate in any encyclopedia article unless presented as someone's opinion
  • "The organization's status as a fraternity was an evolution, through trial and struggle. Since its founding, the Fraternity has supplied voice and vision to the struggle of African Americans and people of color around the world. Alpha Phi Alpha will celebrate a century of service in 2006 as the first national Greek letter fraternity." - this is a marketing blurb, not an encyclopedia article
  • "The convention expressed the hope that the influence of Alpha Phi Alpha would reach every (African American) college and university in the land, to bring together under one band and with one bond of fraternal love, all the worthy leading college men wherever found, to form, as it were, a link to join them together" - oh, please... let's start with conventions don't express, people do
  • "The Sphinx® has a proud tradition of being one of the world's preeminent fraternal magazine, publishing cutting-edge, authoritative thinking on the key issues facing today's communities" -- IMO, doubtful, put it in quote marks if that's what The Sphinx claims. And there's no reason to have a trademark symbol here (the rest of that paragraph has the same problem as the beginning) (I still don't like the really long block quote -- could be cut in a third without losing anything of importance)
  • "The slogan remains the battle cry today for Alpha voter registration efforts" - inappropriate
  • The quote boxes are very unencyclopedic as they are presented and should be removed.
  • "During the Great Depression, the fraternity continued its advancement in leadership, service and ideas when needed in the black community"
  • "This committe would voice the views of the national organization on the issues of the national life in which the interests of blacks were involved" -- needlessly convoluted -- why not "This committee expressed views on issues of importance to black members"?
  • "The history of Alpha men in the history of America, and their place as vanguards of the civil rights struggle is ostensible, as Alpha men were at the forefront of these activities" (unencyclopedic tone, and why link to wiktionary for perfectly ordinary English words?)
• Needs a lot of work, I think, but is probably fixable during the FAC period. Tuf-Kat 22:26, 24 April 2006 (UTC)

I have addressed all the above concerns except the use of the quote boxes. Administrator Brenneman suggested I use article History of Michigan State University during peer review as an example of how to improve Alpha Phi Alpha. The suggested article uses quote boxes and where I got the idea and html code. I need more guidance as to why my use of the quote boxes is very unencyclopedic when a current Featured Article employs the same concept. Perhaps the boxes were added after it became a featured article. Please help. Ccson 14:31, 25 April 2006 (UTC)

• Some of my concerns remain unaddressed. I think the quote boxes at that article came after the FAC, but perhaps not -- I've removed them in any case. The tone of the article is still off, and it needs a good copyedit. My above comments were not exhaustive; the problem is systemic. This article reads like a marketing brochure. Tuf-Kat 00:44, 26 April 2006 (UTC)

Actually, if you look at the history of the History of Michigan State University article, the quotes were there before and during the FAC process. I have rewritten the articles to provide some additional linkage between the quotes and the bodies of the articles. Jtmichcock 21:31, 26 April 2006 (UTC)

I have communicated with a major contributor for the History of Michigan article, who states the quotes were in the article during FAC, and that no one questioned their encyclopedic value, and the article did received Feature Article status with the quote boxes. Ccson 03:38, 26 April 2006 (UTC)

• Object - It's not the existence of the quote boxes that bothers me, but rather their background color, which I find distracting and unprofessional. Furthermore, I have a number of other issues:
  • ...a group was born of a desire to promote close association and mutual support among African Americans. This needs sourcing. How do we know that was the desire? Can you quote someone on it? Name the person who said it, please. Addressed Below
  • The editors recount the history and mission of the magazine as -- it just cuts off there, and goes into the blockquote. You need at least some form of punctuation there... Addressed in Article
  • ...when needed in the black community." implies that they were needed, which is a POV, unless it's a quote.
  • ...as it sought to clean its own house..." is unprofessional language, unless it's a quote.
  • "The fraternity's first pilgrimage to Cornell was held..." The term pilgrimage seems inappropriate here, esspecially when linked to emphasize the definition, which is about religion. Civil rights work isn't exactly a religion. Addressed Below
  • at Montgomery, Martin Luther King, Jr. was leading the people in a program of non-violence, and leader of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. You've never mentioned that MLKJ was a member of this fraternity previous to here, and even here, it isn't clear. If he was a member, that'd be a pretty significant thing to mention, don't you think? Addressed below and in aticle
  • Furthermore, there's a bunch of names mentioned that aren't expressly noted as members. Addressed Below
  • however; the fraternity turned its attention to the new phases of need for humanity. This is POV, unless it's a quote. How do we know that humanity even had new phases of need? Addressed Below
  • Today, Alpha Phi Alpha continues its commitment to the African American community is more POV, unless it's a quote. Please attribute and source. Addressed below
  • The objectives of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity (Inc.) are to... this whole paragraph needs a source. Addressed Below
  • ...the first black fraternity to charter a chapter on a historically black college or university. Needs a source. Sourced
  • Why is "memorial was received from the founders of the fraternity" bolded? I thought it might be a misplaced bit of wiki-markup, but it looks deliberate. (this was how it was in the source but I have removed the bold type)
  • What does "(remove pledge line from local chapters)" mean? (Rewritten)
  • Alpha Phi Alpha does not create great men... is very POV, unless it is a quote, as is the continuation of that statement, ...but it does instill its principles of scholarship, fellowship, good character and the uplifting of humanity, thereby, infusing in each Alpha man, the qualities and potential to become an extraordinary person. (Rewritten)
  • The fraternity is rich with members is POV. (Rewritten)
  • Alpha men were instrumental in the founding and leadership of... needs a source. (linking to each name would provide the source, but I have provided additonal external sources)
  • From the ranks of the fraternity have come men who have emulated its status as first, by becoming the first African Americans in many arenas such as Kelly Miller, first to be admitted to Johns Hopkins University, and Todd Duncan, first actor to play "Porgy" in Porgy and Bess. Run on sentence. (Rewritten)
  • The Presidential Medal of Freedom has been awarded to multiple members which incude William Coleman and Edward Brooke. Awkward sentence. Needs some more punctuation and a little rewording. (Rewritten)
  • The image gallery in the "Heritage" section is inappropriate. Wikipedia is not an indiscriminate collection of images. If those images illustrate something, the image should be placed next to what it illustrates. However, these images are only tangentally related, and aren't really appropraite. The text that comes after the image gallery needs desperately to be sourced, and preferably included as part of a quote, and put into that context. The claims put forth there can't really be undeniably accepted as fact. Addressed Below
  • The fraternity serves more than its immediate membership, it combines its efforts in conjunction with other organizations to benefit humanity throuth its national programs. This sounds like ad copy, or recruitment text. Rephrase to be more neutral and professional. (Rewritten)
  • The campagin to erect a permanent memorial to Martin Luther King, Jr. is one the most ambitious projects in the history of the fraternity. That's a matter of opinion, wouldn't you say? So who holds that opinion? Can you quote him? (Sourced)
  • Alpha men provide youth participants with excellent role models to emulate. You have a source, but it's still POV. Use it as a quote, or don't use it. (Rewritten and removed word "excellent")
  • The three goals of Project Alpha programs are: Source? (Sourced)
  • The "Centennial era" consists of nothing but a list of facts. Rewrite as "Brilliant Prose" please.
  • In that year a club was formed called Kappa Alpha Nu, but the club expired after a short time. Without more explanation, this is a non-sequitor. Please elaborate what this has to do with anything. It is implied that Kappa Alpha Nu was another black organization, but implications can be misleading, so please spell it out. You've mostly fixed this by adding extra context, but I'd still prefer if you'd simply state that ΚΑΝ was a black organization.
  • But this is a misnomer. Sentence fragment.
  • Charles H. Wesley, an acclaimed historian and a member of both... non-sequitor, doesn't belong in this paragraph, and more relevance needs to be described.
  • It's also mentioned that the organization is interracial, but absolutly no mention is made of any white members. Even if no white members made any impact on the world, that'd still be notable to mention next to all these black members making thier marks. If white members have been notable or influential in any way, or just plain successful, this should be noted for comprehensiveness sake. As the article stands, it implies that despite being nominally interracial, it really is "Black only" anyway. This should be corrected or confirmed outright. Fieari 05:02, 26 April 2006 (UTC) Addressed below and in article

Thanks for your input Fieari, there's a lot to sort thru and it may take several updates due to time contraints of my own, but I do appreciate your efforts and the time you have taken to read the article and provde valuable input; I wish you were around during peer review.

• • There are over 50 footnotes in this article which will provide basis for much of the information presented. For example, the reference to "a group was born of a desire to promote close association and mutual support among African Americans", footnote 3 address's the source of this information and where it can be found. What else are you looking for here, because it's going to be a problem for much of the information that is taken from books, who don't have a copy of the book to verify the information?
  • I used the fraternity color "Old Gold" for the background, however: what color would you not object to. This seems to subjective since some like the quotes and others questions the color,is there a standard color that should be used so I don't have to keep changing as new contributors supply input? Would the green color in the Michigan article be appropriate for this article in your opinion?
  • Regarding mentioning names, I thought i mentioned in the 4th paragraph of the lead sectoin that MLK was a member. The sentence leading up to the bullet point says "Alpha men were at the forefront", how is this not clear for MLK or the other names bulleted? Buth, I had mentioned that MLK was member on several occassions after this, but based upon tuf-kat's review that the article seemed like a Public Relations brochure, I removed that information so that it wouldn't seem like a public relations brochure. you can review the history pages 4 days ago to see it was there. I will review the history so that I can read the information for MLK, and will mention fraternity brother by every other name thats not specific. i hope this does not cause objection for other contributors.
  • Can you provide some of the names that are not expressly mentioned as members. Upon review I could only find one (charles houston). Each name in the Membership section is an fraterity brohter, although I believe I'm redundant is some instances of saving fraternity brother or Alpha men. Any help you can provide is appreciated.
  • I used the term pilgrimmage because that's how the fraternity refers to the one held in 1956 and the last pilgrimage held in 2005. I am printing a paragraph of the wikipedia articlepilgrimage, Secular and civic pilgrimages are also practiced, without regard for religion but rather of importance to a particular society. For example, many people throughout the world travel to the City of Washington in the United States for a pilgrimage to see the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. British people often make pilgrimages to London for public appearances of the monarch of the United Kingdom. Further, I wasn't implying this was part of the civil rights campaing, just that the 50th anniversary occured simultaeneously with the birth of the civil rights. HOwever, I have changed the heading of this section so not to confuse other reades. i do see how it might have been ambiguous.
  • the fraternity turned its attention to the new phases of need for humanity. I don't know if this is a quote or not, but I have provided a footnote as to the source of the text, which is the fraternity history book, 1981.
  • Today, Alpha Phi Alpha continues its commitment to the African American community is more POV, unless it's a quote. Please attribute and source. ( I thought I provided a source as well as link to the webstie this information was obtain), pls look again and I will verify.

The objectives of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity (Inc.) are to... this whole paragraph needs a source. ( Here too, I thought I had provided a footnote as well as link to the webstie this information was obtain), pls look again and I will verify.

• • Alpha men provide youth participants with excellent role models to emulate. I will remove the word "excellent", they do provide role models.
  • The source regarding the images in he gallery came directly from the artilces that linked to in the pictures. I have removed the gallery so this should no longer pose a problem.
  • Robert Zawacki is white and the organizations sole Rhodes Scholar. I added this to article. Vice President Hubert Humphrey is mentioned twice, but I didn't and still see no need to mention his race since all vice presidents of the U.S are non-black. Both of these men are mentioned in the Membership section
    • I'll made a majority of the changes, but will work on the Controversy and Centennial era sections later. thanks for the advice and please check back and provide more feedback. Ccson 18:36, 26 April 2006 (UTC)
      • You seem to misunderstand something -- you can't make an opinion neutral by putting a footnote on it. If you want to state someone's opinions in an article, you do that by saying "John Smith said that 'Alpha Phi Alpha produces excellent role models'". Otherwise, you present their opinions as facts, which violates WP:NPOV. Tuf-Kat 23:29, 26 April 2006 (UTC)
        • I don't know who made the statement. It was on the website provided in the reference, so the statement isn't neutral, it's removed, but readers who look at the footnote will see the entire text which states "Alpha provides excellent role models". Would it be okay to say The Fratnernity states it provides . . .". Also, that's just one item ins the your litany of objections. Have the others been sufficiently addressed since you don't mention further objections? thanks again for your input, I'm trying to make this work. 67.34.214.125 02:04, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
          • I gave a personal name as an example, but whatever the source is, it should be identified. If it's the fraternity's website, then absolutely, name that. The objections I have not crossed out remain unfixed. At least one, the Civil Rights vanguard one, has gotten worse (gained poor prose with no improvement in referencing or tone). I want to make this work too -- I think it is fixable during the FAC period and that it has, overall, improved substantially already. Tuf-Kat 02:48, 27 April 2006 (UTC)

TUF-Kat: I did an overhaul of the article and would appreciate it if you could C & P any remaining objections below this to see how much further this will have to be worked over. Thanks. Jtmichcock 03:38, 27 April 2006 (UTC)

• Your changes have not solved the remaining objections from earlier. Tuf-Kat 11:13, 27 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Tuf-kat, you only have 2 remaing objections. One being the quote boxes which are not objected to by Fieari, he objected to color and that has been changed. You still have an open objection to the unencyclopedic tone of the sentence using "vanguards". This sentence has been copyedited. Can you confirm if you still object to your still open issues or if either of the 2 have been solved? thanks again for taking the time to assist with this article? Ccson 05:42, 28 April 2006 (UTC)
    • I have three remaining objections (which were not exhaustive -- this is still too promotional). The vanguard sentence has gotten worse. It's lost detail without improvement in citation. The Great Depression sentence is still unsupported, and not obviously related to the rest of the paragraph. See below on the quote boxes. Tuf-Kat 06:09, 29 April 2006 (UTC)
• Fieari, can you strike thru the objections that have been solved, so it's will easy to see what remaining. thanks. 67.34.214.125 03:10, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

• • I'm going through them now. With so many points, it takes time to just check that they've been dealt with. Gimmie a bit. Fieari 01:16, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

Fieri, I believe this mornings' version should address your remaining concerns:

1. "The fraternity's first pilgrimage to Cornell was held..." The term pilgrimage seems inappropriate here, esspecially when linked to emphasize the definition, which is about religion. Civil rights work isn't exactly a religion.

I have inserted the term pilgrimage into quotes to evidence that this is the fraternity's term, not a descriptor. Although the CRM is not per se religious, the imagery often takes that form.

1. however; the fraternity turned its attention to the new phases of need for humanity. This is POV, unless it's a quote. How do we know that humanity even had new phases of need?

I modified the text to delete value judgments and unnecessary hyperbole, including this.

1. The objectives of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity (Inc.) are to... this whole paragraph needs a source.

The ¶ has been omitted since the illustrated actions are a manifestation of objectives. Proof in the pudding, etc.

1. It's also mentioned that the organization is interracial, but absolutly no mention is made of any white members. Even if no white members made any impact on the world, that'd still be notable to mention next to all these black members making thier marks. If white members have been notable or influential in any way, or just plain successful, this should be noted for comprehensiveness sake. As the article stands, it implies that despite being nominally interracial, it really is "Black only" anyway. This should be corrected or confirmed outright.

There are no hard "numbers" as to the exact percentage, but I added text and a cite to state that the group is predominantly black. As to the few white members, this is noted in the text now.

I hope this satisfactorily addresses your objections. Jtmichcock 13:40, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

• • • Okay, I've struck the ones I think are fixed. I have to go for a moment, but when I get back I'll explain how to fix the last few problems. I think there may be one or two more issues too that I noticed... I'll get to them once I get back. This article is now VERY close to FA quality. Fieari 01:51, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

TUK-KAT (and others): I have used quoteboxes in more than one article, the most recent being Gerald Ford which became a feature article just a few weeks ago. Just as we use photos and drawings to illustrate an article, it is perfectly legitimate to use quotes to the same effect. The FA process does not demand uniformity and should focus on content while allowing different styles to be advanced and appreciated. That's my .02. Jtmichcock 23:51, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

• Photos and drawings are not analogous. They are, or should be, only used to illustrate something that can not be illustrated any other way. Quotes are only words, and can always be incorporated into the article itself. Placing certain quotes in a box and setting them apart places emphasis on it, implying it expresses a correct, or at least very important sentiment. All the quote boxes could be removed without losing anything but a couple of opinions of dubious relevance. So MLK gave a speech to an organization and made a vague claim that some leaders will result from it? Who cares? Any organization will produce leaders, and putting MLK's quote in a box accomplishes what? All I can see is that it implies he was correct and that this particular frat has been extra-specially blessed by God to produce national leaders -- this is obviously highly debateable. Regarding the use of quote boxes in other articles: I don't think they should be there, and I would have opposed featuring them too. My objection still stands and will not change as long as they are there, because their presence violates a fundamental policy of this site, WP:NPOV, by implying that a particular opinion is more valid than others. Tuf-Kat 06:09, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

I have removed the Quoteboxes. Your turn. Jtmichcock 22:36, 29 April 2006 (UTC)

[edit] removal due to suppression and boosterism

Clear cut suppression of knowledge and approved topics including homosexuality, hazing, pledging and violence which is documented and in it's history..

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Alpha_Phi_Alpha&oldid=50479585

205.188.116.12 16:07, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

Please create an account if you want to participate during the FAC period, and please cite verifiable and reliable sources here before vandalizing article. Also, personal observation and experience is "opinion" not "fact". Ccson 16:16, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

No one needs an account to comment and the person's link was entirely appropriate insofar as the "brown paper bag test" is still a problem within the black community. The problem was not the link, but the fact that the person deleted most of the rest of the article so that the link could be stuck in there. I have added content to the article to address the issue raised and I hope this will avoid further edit battles. Jtmichcock 23:51, 28 April 2006 (UTC)

This is not an article about the black commnunity, and the test he refers was used decades ago, and only by a single chapter as far as his reference cites. It's too generic to apply to the whole organization when this was a single act. Hazing is different, we only mention one chapter, but one can find many cases where this has ocurred within Alpha and other fraternities and sororities. [User:Ccson|Ccson]]. Also, I know one doesn't need an account, but it difficult to determine who does the update when multiple use the same IP address.