Doctor Poo
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Doctor Poo is a cartoon character in the British comic magazine Viz and featured in a one-off one-page strip of 25 panels that appeared in the June 1996 issue of the comic. It was written by Simon Donald, Simon Thorp and Graham Dury and drawn by Simon Donald.
The strip is a parody of the long-running BBC television series Doctor Who. The characters are the Doctor in his fourth, Tom Baker, incarnation and (anachronistically) Jamie McCrimmon, his Scottish assistant, plus classic monsters including Sea Devils and Daleks. The strip concerns his quest "to find somewhere to have a big shit", by "travelling through time and space".
A Flash animation of this story can be seen on the Viz website, animated by Steve Donald, with voices provided by him and Simon Donald, and music by Tim Hutchinson.
The animation begins with a parody of the Doctor Who opening titles. Instead of having a glowing logo partially enclosed in a diamond shape, this logo has brown letters with round ends placed between two pairs of pink buttocks. Also, instead of sparkling stars shooting past the logo, two swirls spiral around it like the flushing of a toilet. The electronic theme song is parodied using sampled farting noises.
The plot is a succession of the Doctor's increasingly desperate attempts to "curl one off", always interrupted by threatening appearances of monsters. The dialogue uses parodies of classic Doctor Who phrases, for example: "set the coordinates for anywhere in space with plenty of bushes, Jamie." It also introduces terms that later appeared in Roger's Profanisaurus, such as, "it's in the bomb bay", "touching cloth", and "The Turtle's Head", the title of one of the Viz annuals. Jamie's accent is more typically Scottish than that of the original character in the series.
The Doctor's first attempt is ruined by the Cybermen. Next, the TARDIS arrives at a seemingly deserted beach. As soon as the Doctor drops his pants, an army of Sea Devils emerges from the water, guns pointed at the Doctor, who flees back into the TARDIS.
On arrival at a "top-notch little kludgie" on Metebelis Three, the Doctor finds it occupied by the Master, who has been out "on the pop last night" and has "got the squirts something rotten". By this time the Doctor is "chewing a fucking brick".
In a final bid to "drop fudge" they materialise on Skaro, the planet of the Daleks. Pursued by Daleks ("Intruder ... Intruder ... heading for Davros's private shitehouse") the Doctor just makes it, and enjoys blissful relief ("nectar!"). The Daleks blast open the door to the toilet, and quickly complain about the stink unleashed ("YOU... DIRTY... BASTARD!").
Davros, the creator of the Daleks, rolls up, disgusted and asking for a match. "Sorry, Davros, I'd give it 10 minutes if I were you", says the Doctor.
