Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler
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| Characters from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series |
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| Character details | |
| Full name: | Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler |
| Description: | A man who would sell his own grandmother. And everyone else's whole family. |
| Associations: | None known - a sole agent |
| Location: | Ankh-Morpork |
| Story appearances | |
| First seen: | Guards! Guards! |
| Also in: | Moving Pictures, Reaper Man, Small Gods Men At Arms Feet of Clay, Soul Music, The Truth, Night Watch |
| Other details | |
| Notes: | One of several Dibblers on the Discworld |
Cut Me Own Throat (C.M.O.T) Dibbler is one of the numerous bit part characters that enrich the world of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. Described as Discworld's most enterprisingly unsuccessful entrepreneur, a 'merchant venturer' in Ankh-Morpork, he is most famous for selling meat by-products to unsuspecting souls. His name originates from his catchphrase 'I'll sell it for less, and that's cutting me own throat.' He has also been a moving pictures (movie) producer/director where his lack of scruples was entirely reminiscent of the pioneers of modern motion pictures and, similarly, the agent of a 'Music with Rocks In' group. He has also been known to sell 'fong shooey' advice, mail-order martial arts lessons (under the alias 'Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler'), 'Dibbler's Genuine Soggy Mountain Dew,' souvenir snow-globes and advertising space in the Ankh-Morpork Times. He is at his best selling intangibles; physical merchandise tends to hamper his patter somewhat. Indeed he once said he was best at 'selling ideas.'
His eye for the main chance coupled with astonishing business acumen and appalling bad luck is comparable to Derek Trotter from Only Fools And Horses. When his business plans fail, he falls back to selling (mostly) 'pies with personality' and 'pig' sausages on the streets of Ankh-Morpork. He has often been described as 'trying to make both ends meat.'
He is described in the books as resembling a rodent, and wears a long 'poacher's' coat covered in pockets. He is usually seen either pushing a barrow or carrying a tray. This contains sausages-in-buns, meat pies, and probably some merchandise connected with whatever the latest Morporkian fad is, but only when other ideas have proven to be bad.
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[edit] Other 'Dibblers'
The wizard Rincewind had a theory that equivalents of Dibbler are everywhere. This theory is borne out by Rincewind's meeting:
- Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala sold suspiciously fresh thousand-year eggs in the Agatean Empire (Interesting Times).
- Fair Go Dibbler sold the archetypal pie floaters on the lost continent of EcksEcksEcksEcks (The Last Continent).
- Cut-Me-Own-Hand-Off Dblah sold disturbingly live yoghurt in Omnia - Rincewind did not meet him as Small Gods, where he features, possibly takes place about a century before modern Discworld times (although in Discworld 2, a computer game for the PC, Rincewind meets Dhblah in Djeylibeybi, although his name is spelt D'blah).
- Al-Jiblah in Klatch (Jingo).
- May-I-never-Achieve-Enlightenment Dhiblang is apparently from Hublands 'wisdom country', based on the name and his selling of disreputable yak-butter tea; mentioned in The Last Continent, as are most of the Dibblers here.
- Dib Diblossonson sold bottomless smorgasbord in the Hubland barbarian fjords.
- May-I-Be-Kicked-In-My-Own-Ice-Hole Dibooki apparently only gathered whale meat after a conveniently beached whale had exploded into bite-sized chunks of its own accord.
- Swallow-Me-Own-Blowdart Dhlang-Dhlang sold green beer, location unknown but suspected to be tropical rain forest, possibly Howondaland.
- Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibjla, an Aboriginal Dibbler from EcksEcksEcksEcks in the Discworld 2 PC game.
Other Dibbler equivalents include Ratonasticthenes from Ephebe, mentioned in The Science of Discworld. It was previously thought they might all be related, but the Discworld Companion explains that this is parallel evolution. 'Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food,' it says, 'there will be someone there to sell it to them.'
[edit] Other media
Dibbler appeared in the Cosgrove Hall animations of Soul Music and (despite not being in the book) Wyrd Sisters, in which his appearance seemed to be modelled on Private Joe Walker, the spiv in Dad's Army.
[edit] Non-Discworld
A character named C!Mot is briefly mentioned in The Also People, a Doctor Who Virgin New Adventures novel by Ben Aaronovitch, running a T-shirt stall in the marketplace of Whynot. Aaronovitch has confirmed that C!Mot is intended as a parallel Dibbler, although how similar he is to the original (since the People have an entirely non-capitalist society) is unknown.
