Casual relationship
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A casual relationship (sometimes referred to as friends with benefits (FWB), buddies with benies, friends with privileges, cut friends, a fling, or (rarely) a sexualized friendship) is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship (foreplay, "making out", etc.) without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal.
A casual relationship may be "part time", or for a limited time, and may or may not be monogamous, and the term encompasses friendships between people who enjoy each other's physical intimacy but do not seek marriage for some reason, through temporary relationships purely for sexual purposes. In each case, the relationship's dominance in the lives of those involved is being voluntarily limited, and there is usually a sense that the relationship is intended to endure only so long as both parties wish it to.
To the extent such relationship does include sexual contact, the relationship is generally focused on fulfulling sexual rather than romantic or emotional needs. This type of a relationship effectively gives the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. Many people can be critical of the nature of these relationships, alleging that it is impossible to engage in sexual behaviours without any kind of emotions at all. The practitioners may often feel this is somewhat of a non-issue, taking the viewpoint that while the physical relationship alone is fine, it is up to the partners to decide whether emerging emotions allow the friendship to evolve into a full fledged romantic relationship. In some instances where both parties start to feel this way, a more traditional relationship may develop. However, when these feelings are unrequited, it could lead to jealousy, feelings of betrayal or feelings of being used.
Motives for casual relationships vary, and should be distinguished from casual sex, which is specific type of casual relationship. Casual relationships sometimes include mutual support, affection and enjoyment, which underpin other forms of loving relationship. It is possible for casual relationships to become long-term relationships in the course of time.
One of the main reasons that people enter a casual relationship is because the amount of effort, time and money that has to be spent is minimal in comparison to a long-term relationship. As a result both people are able to enjoy the physical aspect of a relationship and do not have to be ‘dating’ in order for this to happen. Additionally this type of interaction is often initiated through a booty call. At the development stage of FWB it is important that both parties are aware of how the relationship functions and that it not based on emotional depth.
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"More than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship"
The intent of a casual relationship can vary: sometimes to relieve sexual frustrations through an alternative to masturbation, and other times simply as a friendship or part-time relationship which includes sexual activity when wished. Some people prefer the term "Lovers without commitment". Usually a casual relationship is not intended as a romantic relationship. It is also not always synonymous with 'casual sex'.
There are many cases in which a genuine friendship exists between the two parties involved, along with some degree of sexual attraction to one another that can range from mild to very high. In this scenario, varying degrees of emotional intimacy can be attributed to such a relationship, but this intimacy, although usually different from that of a committed relationship, is far from weak.
In many cases, both parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other persons, however some people choose to have exclusive casual relationships. These types of relationships effectively give the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. Two people may elect to become friends with benefits because they are unwilling to commit to a full-fledged relationship or long term relationship for whatever reason.
This arrangement is particularly common among young professionals, who put a lot of time into work and therefore do not have time for a proper boyfriend or girlfriend. Some claim that it also allows people who have sexual chemistry to use each other, even if they are not compatible on other levels.
Popularized in recent years by the US sitcom Sex and the City, this sort of relationship is commonly portrayed as a relatively new phenomenon. These relationships are associated with younger people (early teenagers), and are often seen as a way to enjoy the benefits of sexual activities without the emotional strings of a romantic relationship.
According to many teens, these relationships have been going on for some time, and it is estimated that at least 32% of people over 13 have had such an experience, despite limitations due to age of consent laws. While providing a sexual outlet for some people, the practice is still associated with negative connotations. In teenage relationships, the predominant activity is not penetrative sex, but rather oral sex and mutual masturbation. Many teenagers believe that this reduces the risks associated with sexual promiscuity such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some medical authorities such as Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, a professor of pediatrics at the University of California at San Francisco, suggests that teenagers do not view oral sex as "real sex" and use it to remain in a state of "technical" virginity. [1]
The phrase "friends with benefits" was popularized in the mid-1990s by the Alanis Morissette song "Head Over Feet."
[edit] Criticisms
Some people prefer the term "Lovers Without Commitment", as a description of the actual status within their relationships.
Others believe that the framework of casual relationships is unrealistic because strong emotions will inevitably come into play. It is generally acknowledged that a frequent cause for the termination of such relationships is the development of a one-sided romantic attachment.
Being a "friend with benefits" is sometimes an option given to someone who has been in a steady relationship following a "breakup". Many times former partners will choose this route because of limitations on a steady relationship. Some claim this kind of situation may lead to strengthened bond and a more stable relationship if and when those circumstances pass, although others claim that it is more probable that the relationship will in fact be ruined.
The term "friend with benefits" is often misused.[neutrality disputed] A situation similar to the example used above. "Friend with benefits" has been used in a way that would be better described as an "emotional friend with benefits." An example would be a romance that is no longer as enchanting; both parties ostensibly want to make the relationship work, but fail to do so. A "friends with benefits" arrangement fills the interval between the loss of romantic interest and the (expected) renewal of such passion.
Sometimes these relationships are male-dominated and oriented, with the female existing principally as a sexual object for the male's gratification, however the opposite is also true. Furthermore, such dynamics are possible between two persons of the same sex (in which case one partner may be "used" but this would not be specifically because of their gender) and amongst teenagers lacking the necessary maturity to maintain a proper relationship.
Another criticism of friends with benefits is that eventually one party will develop feelings that are based on more than just the physical aspect of the relationship. As the relationship is based on the sexual nature, this development of feelings usually ends the agreement, as it is very rare that it will develop in the other person as well.
[edit] References
- NPR's Talk of the Nation: Friends with Benefits
- Friends, Friends with Benefits, and the Benefits of the Local Mall (reprint from NYT)
