User:Blueplatypus500

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What is there to be said about someone as awesome and awe inspiring as Patrick Puliti? Well, for starters, Patrick Puliti is the ruler of the planet and makes Chuck Norris weep in the knowledge that he is a wimp compared to Pat. Pat is also the president of the National Association of Really Cool People (N.A.R.C.P.), the captain of the Gambian national football squad, the inventor of the high-powered telescope, light bulb, alarm clock, and the circle. He is also a well known author and thinker, writing such instant classics as: Moby Dick, A Tale of Two Cities, Romeo and Juliet, The Odyssey and the Iliad, Harry Potter (all 6), The Da Vinci Code, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The World Almanac, The Communist Manifesto, 1984, Of Mice and Men, Cyrano de Bergerac, To Kill a Mockingbird, and most notably, the Bible. He has also discovered the new world, the Pythagorean theorem (that Pythagoras was a real thief), gravity, nuclear fission, calculus, Euler, electricity, evolution, the secret to creating wormholes, and cold fusion. He is also a great athlete: He single-handedly won every major sporting title in the last 5000 years, including every event in the Olympics, he has already gone ahead in time and won the world cup 2006, he can bench 6630 pounds, he runs a 1 min 21 second mile, and he can rip the fabric of space and time with his bare hands. Not only is he a great athlete, writer, thinker, and deity, but he is also a musical genius. For example: he wrote all of Bach and Mozart’s symphonies, all pop music within the past 80 years, and has mastered creating wonderful music simply by the powerful vibrations of his enormous mind. He has also written all of the great music of the future. He single handedly won the American revolution, destroyed communism, conquered the black plague, created Canada, killed Hitler and the entire Nazi party, stopped Napoleon at Waterloo, had a leading role in every Broadway play ever, won every single presidential election, but out of his pity for mere mortal men, gave the title to others, is more popular than sliced bread and Mickey Mouse combined, wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, has founded every college known to man along with the nation of Israel, climbed Mount Everest first, took Jesus' place in the crucifixion, and later brought himself back from the dead, along with a few other people, including St. George, Clark Gable, the king of Sweden, his holiness the pope, and Darth Vader. He is invincible, he shines brighter than 10,000 suns combined (and is hotter than all of them), he has an IQ of 10 billion, he can create matter through sheer will, his steps create earthquakes and his breathes spawn hurricanes. He eats diamonds, craps lightning, and pisses molten titanium. When he is not engaged in these incredible activities, he is forcing the universe to constantly expand, fighting crime, giving candy to little children, and hanging out with Jesus, the Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, and the other members of the N.A.R.C.P. He lives undisturbed in a giant floating volcano, last sighted somewhere of the coast of Nova Scotia.