Bill, the Galactic Hero
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Bill, the Galactic Hero is a satirical science fiction novel by Harry Harrison, first published in 1965.
It is part of the SF community's response to Heinlein's controversially militaristic Starship Troopers. The overall plot is similar, the details rather less so; and Harrison makes the most of an opportunity to spoof the work of other authors including Isaac Asimov, "Doc" Smith, and Joseph Heller.
[edit] Series
Six sequels were published, from 1989 to 1992.
The first, Bill, the Galactic Hero On the Planet of Robot Slaves (1989), is by Harry Harrison.
The second, Bill the Galactic Hero On the Planet of Bottled Brains (1990), is by Robert Sheckley and Harry Harrison
The third, Bill the Galactic Hero On the Planet of Tasteless Pleasure (1991), is by David Bischoff and Harry Harrison
The fourth, Bill the Galactic Hero On the Planet of Zombie Vampires (1991), is by Jack C. Haldeman and Harry Harrison
The fifth, Bill the Galactic Hero On the Planet of Ten Thousand Bars (1991), is by David Bischoff and Harry Harrison (Was also published under the title: "Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of the Hippies from Hell")
The sixth, Bill the Galactic Hero: The Final Incoherent Adventure (1991), is by David Harris and Harry Harrison
[edit] Plot (Bill, the Galactic Hero)
When the recruiters come to town with their offers of fancy uniforms, Bill, a naïve farmboy, is enlisted by the Space Troopers with a mix of technological tricks and ego-reducing drugs. Soon after he leaves town, his uniform instantly degrades as a form of planned obsolescence. "This broad-shouldered, square-chinned, curly-haired chunk of electronic-cannon fodder" is sent to Boot Camp Leon Trotsky for gruelling training under the befanged Petty Chief Officer Deathwish Drang.
Bill has been recruited for a war against the alien Chingers, painted in propaganda as terrifying monsters, but actually tiny and peaceable reptilians who have been selected as the targets of a 'war of choice' aimed at keeping the discontent of the subjects of the Empire focused on external dangers. Bill's only friend, Eager Beager, turns out to be a Chinger agent.
Bill becomes a Fuse Tender 6th Class on the starship Christine Keeler (Fanny Hill in UK editions). He loses his left arm in battle, but while in shock he manages to destroy an enemy vessel and win himself the "Purple Dart with Coalsack Nebula Cluster" – and a compulsory re-enlistment for seven more years.
Bill is taken to the Imperial planet Helior (a satire on Trantor, which is entirely urban) to receive his medal. He soon becomes lost, takes eight days to return to barracks and is promptly arrested. Bill escapes and finds sanctuary at the City Department of Sanitation - a department facing the crushing problems of waste disposal on Helior. Bill is also indicted as a revolutionary double-agent for the Galactic Bureau of Investigation. When the revolution arrives Bill is safely removed and passed into the hands of the military for court-martial.
Narrowly avoiding the death penalty, he escapes with a year in prison. A slip of the pen on a transfer card lands Bill on the front line, at a prison labor camp in Tabes Dorsalgia on Veneria (Veniola in UK editions).
Veneria is an over-adjectived, poisonous swamp-planet where there is constant guerrilla warfare. Bill is given a pointless and near-suicidal job with no escape. He becomes lost in the swamp during a Venian attack, eventually he finds his way back and – learning that they have a foot shortage and are shipping foot injuries off-planet – he shoots off his own right foot.
The story ends with Bill as a recruiting sergeant assigned to his home world, where he unhesitatingly recruits his own younger brother into the Emperor's cause.
[edit] Plot (Planet of Robot Slaves - first sequel)
After an attack by mechanical dragons destroys the Imperial military base on the planet Grundgy, Corporal Bill is "volunteered" to locate the source-planet of the evil machines. This time around Bill and company find themselves on the Planet of "Usa" after a nasty Chinger attack on their military base. Robotic lifeforms are the indigenous species on the planet, with two factions endlessly at war with each other. The Chingers have allied themselves with one of the factions (the one with the robot slaves), leaving the humans to ally themselves with the other. Residing on the planet are several humanoid groups, also endlessly at war with each other.
The not-so-subtle theme of mindless/endless war is omnipresent. The machinations of war are severely criticized - and parodied - herein. In this respect the book is similar to Joseph Heller's Catch-22, but because so little of the storyline can be taken seriously Harrison's commentary is easily dismissed if you happen to disagree with it.
The story takes place in half a dozen or so set pieces, each having very little to do with each other - beyond taking place on the Planet of the Robot Slaves. Some new characters include Cy BerPunk (a computer technician) and Dr. Mel Praktis (bumbling doctor).
[edit] Plot (Planet of Bottled Brains - second sequel)
Bill should know that you never complain in the Troopers. But when his new foot looks like turning into something green, scaly and abundantly clawed, a visit to the medics would seem to be reasonable. But before he can say 'Quintiform computer error' he seems to have got himself volunteered again, this time for a suicide mission on Tsuris - the planet nobody ever comes back from.
A number, exactly a billion in fact, of Tsurisians have no body at all to speak of, and reside in bottles, which as Bill remarks, is an awful lot of bottles. And Bill is going to need all the bottle he possesses to get himself out of this one.
Among the disparate sci-fi references are Star Trek: TOS, Han Solo & Chewbacca, time travel, cyberpunk and several others. There is little link between these references; leading to a hodge-podge of tangential references that momentarily amuse, but do not lead to a coherent story.
[edit] Plot (Planet of Tasteless Pleasure - third sequel)
Back in the Army Hospital for yet another transplant and looking forward to a spot of R and R (which every Trooper translates as Rutting and Rotgut), and some respite from his troublesome adventures... Bill doesn't have a hope. The nurses are steel robots, and he seems to have acquired a goat's foot - not for luck - at least, not the good kind. And the goat's foot seems to have acquired a goat-lady - the exceedingly demanding kind. She knows all about tasteless pleasure, and she aims to teach Bill everything he never wanted to know.
[edit] Plot (Planet of Zombie Vampires - fourth sequel)
Bill is still the perfect Starship Trooper: big, brawny, and brainwashed. Possessor of two right arms (impressive when it comes to saluting) and a foot that is threatening to turn into something more suited to being an umbrella stand than anything that could be squeezed into a size 11 sneaker. Bill is now the perfect recruit for the good ship Bounty, bound for the Chinger war and carrying a cargo of as nice a company of homicidal misfits and maniacs as you could wish to meet outside of a penitentiary asylum (which is where they've just come from). Bill is about to meet the most hideous alien lifeform of his entire career. He'd do anything to save his skin without rocking the boat - but mutiny? On the Bounty?
The story is an obvious spoof of Alien films.
[edit] Plot (Planet of Ten Thousand Bars - fifth sequel)
Was also published as "Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of the Hippies from Hell".
BARWORLD! For all the years that BILL had served in the Troopers, with all the hard beds, hard heads and no creds, any booze on offer was probably embalming fluid, or worse. BARWORLD! An assignment there promised bubbly, brandy and beer galore - enough to give BILL's right arms (both of them) at last some idea of just what they were for.
But that was before Uncle Nancy's Cross-Dressing Emporium. And the Time/Space Resonation Nexus. And the Hippy from Hell.
They were enough to completely alter a person's perceptions of reality. And, like, totally bum him out.
[edit] Plot (The Final Incoherent Adventure - sixth sequel)
BILL - the army's made him what he is today - the perfect Starship Trooper, proud possessor of two right arms and a lockerful of feet suitable for every occasion.
BILL - this time he really put his foot (the Swiss-Army one with the special attachments, secret compartments, collapsible mess-kit and condom-dispenser) right in it.
BILL's been volunteered to join a suicide squad run by Captain Cadaver to the well-known hell-hole planet of Eyerack. The orders are DEATH OR GLORY - and GLORY made a point of never returning the invitation to the war. So. Can this really be IT. The Long Goodbye? Zero Hour? Harmonicas at dawn? The end of a brilliantly undistinguished career of military mishaps? What can I tell you?
This IS BILL's final incoherent adventure!
[edit] The Bloater Drive
The standard ways of circumventing relativity in 1950s and 1960s science fiction were hyperspace, subspace and spacewarp. Harrison's contribution was the Bloater Drive. This enlarges the gaps between the atoms of the ship until it spans the distance to the destination, whereupon the atoms are moved back together again, reconstituting the ship at its previous size but in the new location. An occasional side-effect is that the occupants see a planet drifting, in miniature, through the hull. ("No-no! Don't touch it!")
