Bad Times (computer virus hoax)

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Bad Times is a computer virus hoax sent out by e-mail. This "virus" does not actually exist, and the "warning" is meant to parody the alarmist message that spread the hoax of the Goodtimes virus. Like the "Goodtimes" hoax, the message warns of the horrible consequences that the virus can inflict; however, unlike "Goodtimes", where all of the consequences might have sounded plausible to people unfamiliar with computers, many of the claims made for the "Badtimes" virus are utterly implausible, such as that the virus "will drink all your good beer" and "will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company."

It is debatable whether the "Badtimes" message can be classed as a "hoax", since the intent seems to be to make the claims ludicrous enough to not fool anyone. However, Sophos' page on "Badtimes" classifies it under hoaxes and claims "... some users are still concerned by the message and we recommend you do not forward it to friends and colleagues."

The parody even inspired a musical version, by the group Laika, where the female lyricist recites the contents of one of the versions of the virus.

The "Weird Al" Yankovic song, Virus Alert, contains several similar claims in its lyrics, as well as a few of the same from the list below.

[edit] Claims made by the hoax

There are many versions of the email, but amongst the claims made are:

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play-- except Yanni CD's. With them it doubles the volume.

It will automatically download nasty stuff to your hard drive and then notify the authorities. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your good beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will order one truckload of steer by-product fertilizer dumped onto your neighbor's front yard and bill it to your Visa card-- the only card stripe it didn't demagnetize.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

It will leave rowdy messages on your boss's answering machine - in your voice.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

It will replace all your luncheon meat with beef tongue. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like the steer by-product dumped onto your neighbor's yard.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of infection. Beware.

Be sure to notify all your friends, co-workers, relatives, and acquaintenances so that they can prepare to receive this virus, conveniently attached to your warning message.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not even matter if she is dead, such is the power of "Badtimes;" it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.