Archer's Goon

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**Title** **Archer's Goon**
Cover from American edition
Author	Diana Wynne Jones
Country	Great Britain
Language	English
Genre(s)	Fantasy, Children's Literature
Publisher	Various
Released	1984
Media type	Print

Archer's Goon was a 1984 fantasy novel by Diana Wynne Jones both for the young adult and adult markets. It was nominated for the 1985 World Fantasy Award for Best Novel.

[edit] Plot

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Thirteen year old Howard Sykes lives in an unnamed English town with his parents, Quentin (an author and professor) and Catriona (a music teacher), his sister Anthea (always called, with good reason, "Awful"), and Fifi, the family's au pair. Their life is interrupted one afternoon when a huge person, as Fifi describes him, a Goon, comes into their home, and announces that he is from Archer, and has come to collect the two thousand Quentin owes Archer.

There's something unusual about the Goon. He flicks his knife into Howard's school bag, ripping it, and retrieves the knife without getting up. He carves letters into his tea mug, and there is glaze over the marks.

Quentin denies owing the two thousand, but it seems it isn't money, but words. By long arrangement, he is to write two thousand words of nonsense and give them to Mountjoy, a town official. The Goon says that they didn't get to Archer. Quentin irritably writes a replacement set and gives them to the Goon, who goes away--but the next afternoon is back, as they were a repeat of what was done before, and that isn't allowed.

The Goon takes Howard to see Mountjoy. Under pressure (literally), Mountjoy says that the town is run by seven wizards, all brothers (it turns out that two are female): Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus. Mountjoy had instructions from an unknown superior to set up the words thing, but doesn't know what happens to them: They are posted to a post office box and vanish.

Fifi, Howard, and Awful try to retrieve the words that Quentin had written, but it seems they have fallen into the hands of Dillian (who farms law and order) and they are tricked out of them.

Quentin refuses to write the replacement, and the Goon arranges for the family (other than Catriona) to meet Archer. Archer, who "farms" (or takes money from) the town's banking, gas, and electricity industry (each of the siblings farms some aspects of the town's life and industry, as well as sharing the taxes), has a huge establishment hidden behind the bank. The family are from another place, but are stuck here in this town because, as Archer believes, Quentin's words are restricting them. The words are needed so that Archer can figure out how the words restrict them--and, he hopes, lift the restrictions--just for himself. (Sibling love is in short supply in this family). After learning that Archer plans to take over the world, Quentin thinks that the restrictions are a good thing, and defies Archer. Out of frustration, Archer uses teleportation to send them back to the various places they are supposed to be, and Howard curses his ill-luck: he's in time for orchestra practice, at which his mother, who has a roving brief for school orchestras, is supposed to be.

Sure enough, Catriona is there. But she's just getting down to business with the school orchestra when a huge procession appears, led by Torquil, who farms music and therefore is Catriona's effective boss. He threatens Catriona with the loss of her job if she doesn't get Quentin to write Torquil two thousand words. Catriona orders Quentin to write two thousand words for Torquil, and for Archer, but a massive argument is the only result.

Meanwhile, Archer's family starts putting pressure on. Gas and electricity is cut off, and the shops (Torquil) are closed to them. Their bank accounts are frozen, anyway. Catriona's musical instruments go full blast, as does the radio. And when Hathaway (roads and transport, archives and records), who claims to have been the original recipient of the words, is defied (Quentin gives Hathaway's messenger his typewriter, all chained up), the street outside is dug up.

Archer comes by, and stops his action against the Sykes. He leaves a typewriter tricked up like Archer believes Quentin's old one was, and takes Fifi (the two are falling in love), much to the Goon's dismay, as he is falling for her too.

Howard and Awful try to do something about the situation by finding Hathaway. Instead, they fall into the hands of Shine (crime) and are eventually rescued by the Goon. When Quentin receives a letter from the town demanding payment of a huge amount in back taxes (it seems the deal was that Mountjoy would see to it Quentin was never billed), the children make a second attempt, this time escorted by the Goon. The two go into the town museum, enquire for Hathaway, and find out that Hathaway does live in the past--four hundred years or so in the past, in an Elizabethan household. Hathaway proves to be very reasonable, stops what he was doing against the Sykes, and promises to help about the taxes. But he tells Howard that the boy is adopted, causing the world to shake under his feet.

Fifi comes back to announce she's marrying Archer, causing the Goon to destroy the television in a fit of rage and despair. As recompense, Quentin demands the Goon take him to see Erskine--with Hathaway eliminated, Erskine is now the most likely candidate to be causing all this. The Goon reluctantly agrees.

The next morning, the Goon takes Quentin and the two children by bus across town, then through the sewers to the sewage installation. It would have been only a short walk above ground, and when the Goon is asked why he took them through the sewers, he says he can only leave the town through the sewer or by rubbish truck. In other words, the Goon is Erskine. Enraged, Erskine has the three locked up. They manage to escape, and Howard gets Erskine and his minions to chase him, rather than his sister and father. He calls on Erskine's siblings for help, and each time is answered--a call to Archer for money and Howard finds a pound in his pocket, when Erskine's trucks chase the bus Howard is able to get on by calling on Hathaway, he is able to call on Dillian and police cars appear. He is finally able to evade Erskine and make it home. Now, he must find Venturus, who lives in the future. Howard cleverly finds Venturus's lair by going to a half constructed building.

As Howard goes inside, he becomes older and grown up. Erskine, now calmed down, joins him and Howard realizes that he himself is Venturus. Venturus twice, to get himself out of sticky situations, has sent the whole town back thirteen years through time, transforming himself into a small child in the process. Venturus did indeed set everything up, as Howard now remembers, his memories as Venturus reviving. Quentin's words had no power, it was all Venturus. The six siblings could not leave the town not because of the words, but because the seven's parents laid it on them to protect Venturus, and as long as Venturus was too young to realize his powers, they had to be close by to protect him.

The two go back to deal with Archer's rage--Torquil has kidnapped Fifi, as an attempt to stop Archer from going out and farming the world--it seems Torquil has no ambitions to do that himself and has been trying to stop the others for years. Torquil, Hathaway, Erskine, and Venturus evolve a plan to send the other three (and Fifi) off in Venturus's newly-constructed spaceship. They do this by getting Quentin to use his new typewriter (the words lack power, the typewriter does not) and write that they each get aboard the spaceship, which Howard has set to be unable to return to earth. First, though, they get Archer to pay Quentin the money for the taxes as a reward for "finding" Fifi.

Not without some trouble, the four are duly brought aboard and sent off on the ship. The remaining siblings have no plans to rule the world--but Howard, now Venturus, still worries about what Erskine and Awful may get up to in the future.