Along Came Jones

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Along Came Jones is a novelty hit originally recorded by The Coasters, but covered by many other groups and individuals.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Told from the perspective of a person who decides to watch television, the song tells of the interaction between a gunslinger villain, "Salty Sam", and a ranch-owning woman, "Sweet Sue", on an unnamed television show.

The TV show features various damsel in distress situations, whereby Sam abducts Sue and places her in peril, intended to force her to give him the deed to her ranch – or face a gruesome death:

  • In the first verse, the viewer watches Sam attempt to kill Sue by cutting her in half in an abandoned sawmill.
  • In the second verse, the viewer fixes a snack during a commercial break, and comes back to see Sam attempting to blow up Sue in an abandoned mine.
  • In the third verse, apparently tired of the show, the viewer changes channels – only to find another episode of the same show, this time with Sam attempting to stuff Sue in a burlap sack and throw her in front of an oncoming train.

However, Sue is rescued, and Sam's plans foiled, by the hero – a "tall, thin, slow-walkin', slow-talkin', long, lean, lanky" fellow named Jones. (How Jones manages to defeat Sam and rescue Sue is never told.) The song was probably inspired by the Gary Cooper film Along Came Jones (1945), a Western comedy in which "long, lean, lanky" Cooper mercilessly lampoons his "slow-walkin', slow-talkin'" screen persona.