A Matter of Record
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| “A Matter of Record” | |
|---|---|
| The Honeymooners episode | |
 Ralph records a conciliatory message for Alice. |
|
| Episode no. | Season 1 Episode 15 |
| Written by | A.J. Russell and Herbert Finn |
| Directed by | Frank Satenstein |
| Production no. | n/a |
| Original airdate | January 7, 1956 |
| Episode chronology | |
| ← Previous | Next → |
| "The Man from Space" | "Oh, My Aching Back" |
| List of The Honeymooners episodes | |
A Matter of Record is the 15th episode of the TV series The Honeymooners. Ralph cuts a record to sweet talk Alice after insulting her mother.
[edit] Plot
Ralph is already annoyed enough that Alice's mother wants to come over for a visit. However, he's even more perturbed, because he bought tickets for a Broadway show called Murder Strikes Out and wants to take Alice. Ralph tells Alice that her mother won't be able to resist making any cracks against him for 5 minutes. To prove his point, he sets an alarm clock and grudgingly keeps quiet during that time. Alice, meanwhile, threatens to leave with her mother when she lives if he insults her.
Things turn very badly when Alice's mother keeps making cracks at Ralph's expense. The final straw, though, is when she reveals that she already saw the show and "knew all along" that it was the husband, not the uncle, who had committed the crime. The alarm goes off, and Ralph yells in his mother-in-law's face, "You... are a BLABBERMOUTH!!" before forcing her out of the apartment. Alice is understandably upset about this, and walks out on Ralph, deciding to spend time with her mother. Norton enters the apartment, all set for the show, but Ralph decides not to go because his mother-in-law just had the gall to spill the beans about the ending of the play. Norton still wants to see the play, surprise ending or no surprise ending. He says he'll just wait until the show is almost over, then he'll get up and leave.
Ralph, now alone and lonely, needs to figure out a way to get Alice back. Norton comes up with an idea - he has a recordable phonograph player at home. He suggests that Ralph pour his heart out on a record and mail it to Alice. Ralph records a record, starting with calling her by an old pet name, "Bunny" and continuing, "this is your ol' Buttercup!" Things are going well, until he starts talking about Alice's mother, and the recording quickly degenerates to Ralph saying that Alice's mother is mean and she will stay that way; it's her nature. He finally starts yelling into the microphone that "SHE'S A BLABBERMOUTH, ALICE! A BLAAABERMOUTH!" Norton jumps in, puts on a fresh record, and Ralph is able to record a quick record of his feelings without yelling or even talking about his mother-in-law.
Norton brings the records and the player upstairs to his apartment (one of the few times the Norton's apartment is shown), but in the confusion accidentally mails Alice the record ending with Ralph screaming. Alice eventually comes back - only to confront Ralph about the record she was sent. Ralph pleadingly tells her that she is making a mistake. "You're darn right I'm making a mistake," Alice says. "I made it 15 years ago!"
Norton then hand-delivers the correct record to Alice, who cries and goes to get a steak to celebrate her return. However, Norton has some bad news - the captain of his stickball team has come down with measles, which quarantines Norton - and Ralph, who got it from Norton. When Alice comes back, Ralph reluctantly sends her away because he's been infected, but not before she tosses the bag of food to Ralph. Norton then tells Ralph that he had made a brave decision to send her away when he wanted her most of all. Now Ralph is left to struggle alone to do the housework, just so he won't endanger her. Norton comments on a mess she left Ralph. Ralph then starts yelling at Norton to put on the apron and get to work cleaning said mess up.
