'Allo 'Allo! (series 3)

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This article contains episode summaries for the third series of the British Sitcom series 'Allo 'Allo!.

The series contains six episodes which first aired between December 5, 1986 and January 9, 1987.

Series 3 features the last appearance of Francesca Gonshaw as Maria Recamier.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.
Series No. Episode No. Episode Title Original UK Airdate
3.01 16 The Nicked Knockwurst December 5, 1986
3.02 17 Gruber Does Some Mincing December 12, 1986
3.03 18 The Sausage in the Wardrobe December 19, 1986
3.04 19 Flight of Fancy December 26, 1986
3.05 20 Pretty Maids All in a Row January 2, 1987
3.06 21 The Great Un-Escape January 9, 1987

[edit] The Nicked Knockwurst

René is in the bath and tells us that the British have scarpered at Dunkirk. Whilst he is trying to tell us the story so far, he is continually interrupted by the rest of the café residents. Michelle of the Resistance appears at the bathroom window to reveal her latest plan, though the drainpipe she is holding on to breaks and collapses before she can reveal it!

Down in the café, the Colonel forces René to swear that he will stop helping the Resistance. Maria comes in and reveals that Herr Flick's sausage has been stolen from the kitchen (this contains a forgery, but which Herr Flick believes is genuine). Edith and René then go in the back room to meet Yvette, Crabtree and Michelle - who is brought in on a stretcher. The latest plan is for the British airmen to escape in an antique plane powered by a lawnmower motor; meanwhile the airmen hide in Madame Fanny's bed dressed as two old ladies.

Herr Flick has bought a suit for Helga for a Gestapo party. Von Smallhausen enters and reveals that the Communist Resistance have stolen Herr Flick's sausage and are demanding a ransom of 800 000 francs. Herr Flick tells Helga to inform the Colonel to burn down the town if the painting is not returned.

In the café, Helga reveals a plan to ambush the handover and retrieve both the painting and the ransom money. The Colonel forces René to find the ransom money. Edith comes up with the idea of borrowing the money from Monsieur Alfonse, and promptly asks him to dinner. When Edith asks for the money, Alfonse's dicky ticker kicks in!

Cue the ambush. The Colonel and Hans are disguised as trees with a secret camera; the German troops are disguised as French policeman; Herr Flick, Von Smallhausen and Helga are disguised as Resistance girls; and the café gang are disguised as German soldiers. The meeting point is a bridge over the river, where Lt. Gruber also happens to be walking his two Alsatian dogs. The Communist Resistance receive the money, and chuck the sausage towards René. However, one of Gruber's dogs steals the sausage and runs away with it. He is promptly chased by Gruber; the Café René party; the Gestapo; the Germans dressed as French policemen; and a pair of Ents, which are really the Colonel and the Captain in disguise. The Communist Resistance escape with the money.

  • Note: This Episode marks the beginning of Von Smallhausen's regular appearance on the show.

[edit] Gruber Does Some Mincing

René begins by filling us in on local gossip, as it is far easier to understand than his own problems. Meanwhile, the Alsatian has returned to Gruber with the sausage; and Monsieur Alphonse wants his money back.

Helga and Von Smallhausen bring Lt. Gruber to Herr Flick's quarters. Gruber has placed the sausage in the fridge; minced the sausage; and placed the painting in the ice compartment of the fridge. Because of this, the painting has now been destroyed; but Gruber reveals that it was in actual fact a forgery and not the original painting. Herr Flick encourages Gruber to "wheedle" with René, to try and find the location of the real painting.

In the café René asks the Colonel to help him pay Monsieur Alfonse his money back. He refuses, but does arrange entertainment with the café girls in exchange for various articles. Yvette comes up with the idea of paying forged money to Monsieur Alfonse, which Monsieur LeClerc has been hiding in the café. Outside, Michelle turns up in Madame Fanny's wheelchair and reveals that the plan for the British airmen to escape by plane has been approved by London. The Resistance have stolen General Von Klinkerhoffen's lawnmower motor to power the airplane, which has been hidden under the wheelchair. The wheelchair is left at the café.

Herr Flick reveals to Helga, the Gestapo dance, which she must perform when they dance together. This is a rather amusing version of the Hokey-Cokey.

René reveals to Lt. Gruber that he has the real painting, and Gruber offers to create a forgery of the real painting to give to Herr Flick. René arranges for Maria to deliver the sausage to Lt. Gruber that night; the sausage hidden across her bosom.

Monsieur Alfonse arrives, but has problems with the brakes on his horse, forcing him to crash through the café door window. René gives him the forged money, but he does not recognise it as being forged. Alfonse then offers to buy everyone drinks in the café; gives Madame Fanny money to go and buy a new hat; and gives René money to repair his door window. LeClerc and Fanny head towards the hat shop, with Fanny in the wheelchair. The lawnmower motor underneath the chair begins to start, and wheels across the town square

[edit] The Sausage in the Wardrobe

Yvette reports to René and Edith that Maria has been arrested by the personal guard of General Von Klinkerhoffen. René reports this to the Colonel and Hans. René goes in to hiding, once he hears the Gestapo are looking for him, disguising himself as an old woman in Madame Fanny's bed.

Maria is brought to General Von Klinkerhoffen for interview. Gruber reports to the General, as Maria reveals the sausage to the General. The General places the sausage in his wardrobe, thinking that it is a gift for him, and to stop the kitchen staff from eating it. The General informs Gruber to let it be known that he will release Maria, when his lawnmower motor is returned. LeClerc reports this news to René disguised as an Italian organ grinder.

Herr Flick shows Helga a Gestapo Camp film. Von Smallhausen reports by telephone that the sausage containing the painting is hidden in the General's wardrobe. Herr Flick arranges for Helga to create a distraction for the General. The Resistance also come up with a similar plan, with Yvette dressed as a serving maid to distract the General. The Colonel, Hans and Gruber come up with a plan, with Gruber as the decoy. All parties intend to switch the sausage containing the painting with a normal sausage, using the château's secret passages to get to the General's bedroom.

René ends up hiding underneath a food trolley, which is promptly delivered to the General's bedroom. Herr Flick disguises himself in a knight's suit of armour. René manages to switch the sausages first, and ends up with the sausage containing the painting. Yvette turns up with a warming pan to warm the General's bed, and the General forces Maria into another cupboard to conceal her. René hides under the bed, just as Yvette places the warming pan under the bed, and Edith pops up out of the commode next to the bed. Yvette starts to strip for the general, just as Helga knocks on the door. Yvette hides under the bed with René, whilst Helga starts to strip to a raunchy music version of the German national anthem. The Colonel and Hans peer through the keyhole outside the General's bedroom, and whilst they are distracted, Herr Flick swaps the sausages and leaves. The Colonel and Hans then swap the sausages and leave. René moves from underneath the bed, to the cupboard which Maria is hidden in. Edith turns up in the same cupboard, and all three escape down a secret passage. Back in the bedroom, Gruber turns up with a bottle of whisky. Gruber winds up the gramophone, as Helga and Yvette dance in front of the General. The credits roll.

[edit] Flight of Fancy

René is in bed, where he has hidden the sausage containing the real painting. Michelle arrives to say that the aeroplane the British airmen are to escape in, is at the back of the local museum, with other antiquities blocking it's path out of the museum.

Herr Flick reveals to Helga that the sausage he stole from General Von Klinkerhoffen's wardrobe was empty. The Colonel and Hans also find that their sausage is also empty. The Colonel has also given permission for a vehicle rally of steam engines and tractors. It is decided that Herr Flick will watch from a distance, and the Colonel and Hans are ordered by him to 'mingle' as part of the parade.

Maria is disguised as a small boy, in case General Von Klinkerhoffen's search part finds her. René has now hidden the sausage under Madame Fanny's bed. When he and Gruber try and retrieve it, Fanny has already started to eat it. Fortunately, she manages to spit out what she has eaten. The flashing bed-knobs go off as Gruber leaves, and it's up to the British airmen to answer the radio.

Yvette is trying to get enough money for her and René to escape to Paris, by parading in the town square. LeClerc arrives dressed as a clown, to bring news that Michelle will collect the lawnmower motor. René is also to find 200 feet of elastic, so that the plane can be catapulted into the air. Every man in the town must give up his braces for the cause. On the day, the café gang will be disguised as road workers, who will move into the museum once the rally of vehicles has left. This will enable them to move the vehicles in front of the aeroplane, and for the British airmen to escape.

Gruber (who is responsible for leading the rally procession) passes the roadworks in his little tank and happens to spot René, who is disguised as a road-worker with no shirt on. Gruber lends René his gloves so he does not ruin his artistic hands. Meanwhile, Herr Flick and Helga have a puncture. Helga pumps the air into the tyre while Herr Flick gives the commandments of "Pull, Thrust, Pull, Thrust!" LeClerc arrives at the road-workers site, and transports the café gang to the museum on board a gypsy caravan.

The Colonel and Hans are onboard a steamroller as part of the parade. After they have observed the start of the parade, they accidentally flatten Herr Flick's staff car, who has happened to of parked next to them, while he also observed the start of the rally. All the Germans are forced to follow the parade on a steamroller. Meanwhile the Resistance put the airmen in the plane, attach the elastic to a car, and drive the car away to lift the plane into the air. However, the chocks holding the plane up are unable to be removed, which forces the tow car to be dragged back into the museum, crashing into the plane and creating a right mess. Everyone, including the airmen, return to the café.

  • Note: This episode is slightly longer than the other episodes in this series, as it was broadcast on Boxing Day.

[edit] Pretty Maids All in a Row

Rene being the first to arrive at the Café, hides the painting of “The Fallen Madonna with the big boobies” behind a “worthless” picture of flowers given to Madam Fanny years ago by a painter named Van Gogh. Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen having discovered his lawnmower motor damaged at the museum, begins a search of the town for the British airmen, So Maria disguises the airmen as waitresses at the Café. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen, subsequent to installing an eavesdropping station, snoop in on the resistance radio only to discover that the two British airmen are in town disguised as French maids at the café, So the Gestapo plan to infiltrate café Rene disguised as French maids too. Rene's plan is to get the airmen into the POW camp. However, without their uniforms the airmen will be shot as spies if discovered, So they plot to have the airmen who are later disguised as prostitutes killed publicly in his cafe and transported in coffins by Alphonse to the mortuary, which is suitably located across the POW camp where they will tunnel their way through into the camp. General Von Klinkerhoffen, assigns Col.Von Strohm and Cpt.Geering to keep an eye on Cafe Rene to see if they are helping the British airmen escape.

[edit] The Great Un-Escape

'Allo! 'Allo!
Characters:
René | Edith | Madame Fanny | Yvette | Maria | Mimi | Michelle | Roger LeClerc
Ernest LeClerc | Alfonse | Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen | Col. Von Strohm
Lt. Gruber | Captain Hans | Captain Bertorelli | Herr Flick | Helga | Von Smallhausen
Crabtree | Fairfax | Carstairs | Gen. Von Flockenstuffen | Denise | Louise
Episodes:
Pilot & Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 4 | Series 5
Series 6 | Series 7 | Series 8 | Series 9 | The Best of 'Allo 'Allo!
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