User:Ztrawhcs

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Matt sits at his desk. His wikipen is mightier than his wikisword.

I would like to apply the Wikipedia concept to this bio. So, calling all friends: If you were given the power to write a funny biography about me, what would you put in it? The goal here is to be witty, not stupid. I'll delete stupid. The standard Wikipedia NPOV ideals need not apply. Ready, set, go!

The kind of person that keeps a parrot

1 Biography
- 1.1 Early History
2 Notable
3 Critical acclaim
4 External links

[edit] Biography

Matt is finishing up his juris doctor from the Georgetown University Law Center in Washington, DC, with a focus on telecommunications law. He is also interning in the legal department of a national communications association. In his spare time, Matt enjoys singing tenor 1 with the Choral Arts Society of Washington and various other local organizations. Matt feels that this Mark Twain line (modified for gender) aptly sums up his personality: "He was not quite what you would call refined. He was not quite what you would call unrefined. He was the kind of person that keeps a parrot." Matt's parrot is named Rudy.

[edit] Early History

Matt was born at 12:13 a.m. on Sunday, October 21, 1979 at the now-defunct Sinai Hospital in Detroit, Michigan. He arrived with a full head of bright red hair and a healthy set of pipes, both of which would serve him well in the future. As an infant, the doctors predicted he would grow to the then-unheard-of height of 6'1" to 6'4". (Matt just barely lived up to expectations.)

Few records of Matt's early years exist, due in part to his parents' obstinate refusal to write anything down. Fortunately for Matt's future biographers, his parents did manage to take several thousand photographs of the young redhead, and to this day those pictures are neatly organized in random piles stuffed into 20-year-old shoe boxes. These pictures reveal a boy of surprising plumpness who was powerless to prevent himself from smiling like a game show host whenever a camera was present.

[edit] Notable

Matt has always been adorable

Matt often has a red beard. His former employers believe that his beard will make a bad impression during interviews, but Matt believes it makes him look older and somehow makes his legal analysis seem more incisive.
Matt is renowned for his unique ability to quickly "tune a room," finding the exact frequency at which it resonates. He particularly enjoys tuning parking garages -- in many ways, it reminds him of playing a Tibetan singing bowl.
Matt enjoys Chopin's piano music, Saint-Saens' compositions, starry nights, and Van Gogh's Starry Night.

Matt rides a dolphin, and clearly enjoys himself in the process

Matt is an excellent writer who enjoys pontificating on various inane subjects. In high school, Matt won a prestigious writing award given by the National Council of Teachers of English, or NAMBLA.
One time, Matt had a lot of trouble seeing a bunny. To be fair, it was nighttime and the bunny was about 100 feet away. (See Father's Day at Donnie's House, 2005)
In high school, Matt refused to sign up for Choir because he thought it was for nerds. NOW look at him.
Matt is a man of many nicknames, including Schwartzkopf, Rojo, and Liquid.
Matt exists primarily for the amusement of others. ^{[citation needed]}
Matt has been known to share self-incriminating stories about his sexual activities.
Matt is a Noticer.
Matt gets unusually bothered when men (even very close friends) attempt to touch him. But women are cordially invited to poke, prod and otherwise cuddle as the mood strikes.

[edit] Critical acclaim

"Matt taught me how to love a woman, and how to discipline a child." --Donnie Milton III
"Did you know the study of beards is called pogonology?" --Elizabeth Amy Schwartz