Wizard People, Dear Reader

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Wizard People, Dear Reader (2004) is an unauthorized spoof soundtrack of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by Brad Neely, a comic book artist from Austin, Texas of the U.S..

"Wizard People, Dear Reader" is essentially a narrative reworking the lives of the characters of The Sorcerer's Stone and the world in which they live, in the form of an audio book. Mr. Neely's unique use of appropriated plot, characters and themes interlaced with his own brand of subversive humor have been called a "new art form" in an article by the New York Times. It is best described as the infusion of dissident subtext into a pop-culture phenomenon creating a suspension of art and reality and is in line with such works as The Dark Side of Oz and Mystery Science Theater 3000.

[edit] Humor

Neely's writing includes humor on many levels. It ranges from simple childish mockery of the characters, to criticism of the acting and set design of the movie, to awkward metaphors in the prose of the "book", to over-dramatic philosophical speeches.

Harry himself is portrayed in a way perhaps best described as epic. He is repeatedly referred to as a god, and references are made to the "stockpiles of nuclear-level energy" that are his powers, and so on. This is an attitude shared by Harry himself; at one point, he calls himself a "destroyer of worlds". Hermione ("Harmony") is repeatedly described as incredibly ugly, and other insults are used from time to time. Snape is referred to as a hideous woman.

Many characters often supposedly cast spells that make little sense. Dumbledore casts the "stand without effort" spell, while later on Harry casts what is called the "Winter be gone" spell.

The narrator often breaks down into incoherent outbursts to signify the not-so-apparent rage of the characters, yelling words like "FFFFUCK!" followed closely by "Willikers!" (the cribbage match is a good example). He makes many references to people "dooky"-ing themselves in surprise.

Neely also manages to have wild 'fantasy' sequences that have nothing to do with what is actually going on in the film. One such scene is where Hagrid/Hagar is explaining Norbert's egg. Instead of regaling Hagrid's encounter with a strange man in a bar, Hagar tells of how Val-Mart impregnated him with the egg and then how, because of his pregnancy, he survived a shark attack. Another such scene is where the trio of young wizards encounter Fluffy for the second time and are about to jump down the trap door. Somehow Harmony manages to get killed and resurrected without any of those events occurring onscreen. Many characters are also described as taking out flasks and taking long draughts while no flasks make an appearance onscreen. Harry is mentioned as performing many "Wine out of nowhere" spells and often being "drunk before noon".

There are also many references to other works throughout the film. Some examples are Harry's invisibility cloak which is called "a cloak with a cloaking device", referring to Star Trek. Professor Flintwick is referred to as "Professor Ugnaught" in reference to his similar appearance to the ugnaughts of Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back. At one point he puts on the invisibility cloak and Neely exclaims "Invisibility ON!", referring to the catch phrase of The Invisible Woman\Sue Richards of the Fantastic 4. Neely even refers to future films in the series when he claims that the children are on their way to The Chamber of Secrets.

A major running joke is the changing of character and place names:

Original "Wizard People" Name
Albus Dumbledore Dumbledore the Half-dead
Minerva McGonagall Hardcastle McCormick / Softcastle McCormick
Rubeus Hagrid Hagar the Horrible
Harry Potter H.P., Master P, and others
Dudley Dursley Roast-Beefy O'Weefy
Vernon Dursley various names with a pig theme (e.g. Porkstar, Baconface, etc.)
Professor Quirrell Professor Queerman
Mr Ollivander Ed Vanders
Voldemort Val-Mart the Scar Maker / Scar Artist / Dracula
Ron Weasley Ronnie the Bear / Ronnie the Weasel
Hermione Granger The Wretched Harmony
Neville Longbottom Upfish
Draco Malfoy Mouthoil
Argus Filch Dazzler
Mrs. Norris The Bloody-eyed Cat of Security
Severus Snape Snake
Madam Hooch Catface Meowmers
Oliver Wood Major Wood
Professor Flitwick Professor Ugnaught (The Happy Pizza)
Nicolas Flamel Nick Flannel
Remembrall blood ball
Quidditch Cribbage
Diagon Alley Calgon Alley
Gringott's Bank Wobblecolumns
Hufflepuff Hufferpuffer
Ravenclaw Viacom

[edit] The CDs

This soundtrack is composed of two audio CDs. To enjoy Mr. Neely's version of the movie, one needs to have a copy of the movie (preferably a copy of North American version of the DVD), and play the DVD either muted or with the volume on low and the audio CD at the same time. The audio CDs could be obtained by downloading two free MP3 audio files from the author's website and converting them into CDs. One can also, of course, play the MP3 files directly on a computer or portable player (such as an mp3 player) while watching the movie.

Two versions of the CD set have been released. The first revision was released in summer 2004, and the second set released early-mid 2005. As of October 2005, only the second version is available on the Illegal Art website.

The first revision's CDs can be played completely continuously, and there is no need to alter the discs' timing or volume. In order to play the second revision continuously, a delay of approximately three seconds must be inserted between the CDs, and the tracks' volume must be normalized, as the first disc is significantly quieter than the second. This is of particular interest to those who wish to play the audio directly from a computer.

The two revisions' contents are largely similar. The differences mainly include "fixing" the weaker lines from the first revision, as well as a more "polished" and thoroughly-rehearsed performance by Brad.

The CDs are designed to synchronize specifically with the North American release of the film, in which several scenes were re-recorded to say Sorcerer's Stone instead of Philosopher's Stone (due to localization; see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone). As such, the CDs do not synchronize correctly with the British release of the film.

A DVD made with the Wizard People soundtrack merged in with the background music and sound effects of the original movie was made by an anonymous Denton, Texas resident. The disc includes a menu with background music by Harry and the Potters after a sarcastic piracy warning.

[edit] External links

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