Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Angevin Empire

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[edit] Angevin Empire

I would like this article to be improved as much as it could, it has been suggested that with improvements it could be a candidate to be a featured article, since I'll have more time this week I can work on improvement with suggestion. As my first article it is unlikely that it goes that way though. Matthieu 12:47, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Kirill Lokshin

This is quite nice, but it still needs quite a bit of work to be ready for a smooth FAC:

  • The lead section should be a summary of the entire article, not an introduction to the topic (with information that appears nowhere else); the actual content should be moved to the body.
  • More detail on the historiography of the name would be appropriate, I think.
  • The headings should be formatted per the MoS; and should be kept as grammatically sensible as possible (e.g. "John's reign and the collapse" rather than "John's reign, the collapse"). "Angevin Empire" should be omitted as well.
  • More citations! Large portions of the article are entirely uncited; see the project guidelines for some ideas on this.
  • I'd replace {{cquote}} with regular blockquote formatting.
  • Thorough copyediting will be needed, as there are errors in grammar and word choice (e.g. "accessed the throne" for "ascended the throne", etc.) sprinkled throughout the article.
  • Most of the uses of {{seealso}} and {{main}} should really be {{details}}.
  • Bulleted lists should be converted to prose where possible.
  • The "See also" section should be eliminated by working the links into the body of the article.
  • A bibliography-style "References" section separate from the footnotes might be helpful.

Keep up the good work! Kirill Lokshin 18:01, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

I moved the introduction to a new section about the name and the way it is applied. As well contemporary views on the structure, it is therefore expanded, I frankly don't see what can be added on this specific topic now. There is a new (very brief) introduction too.
I may add a "further reading" section to complement the footnotes. I have also added some citations and notes, I'll do more as time goes on.
Sorry for the grammatical mistakes, well as I said English is not my first language. If there is an English language buff that wants to help he is welcome.
Matthieu 15:47, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Raymond

Just some additional things (apart from the grammar) that will need attention:

  • Misuse of the hyphen eg: But by October the new Count of Toulouse -Raymond VI- left the Capetian side. . .
Commas are fine, eg But by October the new Count of Toulouse, Raymond VI, left the Capetian side . . .
  • All citations must come ‘’after’’ the punctuation
  • Hasn’t, wasn’t etc, should be written – Has not, was not etc.
  • The map has misspelled the word Plantagenet

Not too bad, but as Kirill said, it will need a bit of close attention to the prose. Raymond Palmer 01:33, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

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