User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a: redundancy exercises

SOLUTION A: The Prime Minister exercises a great deal of individual political power.

• "The Prime Minister" is an individual, so there's no need to tell us explicitly.

SOLUTION B: These two species are both members of the equine family.

OR: These two species are both members of the equine family.

• Only one of these two words is required.

SOLUTION C: They invaded the coast and brought along European diseases.

• "Along", in this context, is one of a number of redundant prepositions that have crept
  into spoken English.

SOLUTION D: The manager has plans to accept the offer.

• Changing the grammar ("plans" is now a verb rather than a noun) allows one word
  to be dropped.

SOLUTION E: Poland, Hungary and Romania were all part of the Soviet empire.

• Well, you could include "all", if the fact that the three countries were in the
  empire (not just one or two of them) were surprising or unexpected for the reader;
  that would be an unusual context.

SOLUTION F: The forested areas that were the most difficult to get to were
the last ones to be cleared.

• "The last" ("i.e., the last forested areas that we got to") already refers back to the
  theme—"ones" does this too, and we don't need another back-reference.

SOLUTION G: Both the parents chose to educate their children in Beijing.

• For many non-native speakers, knowing where to use "the", "a" or nothing at all
  before a noun is complex and counterintuitive in English. We sympathise
  with you, but emphasise that this grammatical issue—deixis, (pron. "day-IK-sis")—
  is basic to the language. Words such as "the" and "a" are called deictics.
• "Both" is the marked form here, suggesting that this is unusual, unexpected,
  or otherwise notable that the two parents should want to educate their children thus.
  If this is not the case, remove "both" and go with "The".

SOLUTION A: This question rarely arises outside of the soccer league.

• The "of" in "outside of" and "inside of" is useless and should be avoided, even in
  oral mode.

SOLUTION B: More than two-thirds of the villagers have received some rice.

• "Some" is so vague that it's useless; ask yourself what the opposite of "some" is, anyway.

SOLUTION C: The 2000 fountain pen was originally released in 1966 and is still in
production today.

• "Still" and "today" carry virtually the same meaning. "Today" makes your reader
  momentarily ponder whether the meaning is "this very day" or more generally,
  "nowadays", so it's probably a better candidate for removal.

SOLUTION D: This thick shield blocks out damage from potentially lethal X-rays.

• Another redundant preposition that has crept into spoken English, like "outside of".

SOLUTION E: The coastal region is an exception and it enjoys a flourishing tourist industry.

• The "it" forces your reader momentarily to think: ah, "it" refers to "the coastal region";
  the sentence is A is this, plus B enjoys that. By removing "it", the grammar is simplified to
  A is this and enjoys that. Much nicer.

SOLUTION F: Longer tonicisations may also include other secondary chords.

• Even without the larger context, it's obvious that "also" is idle here; "other" is quite
  sufficient for the sense.

SOLUTION G: The launch was postponed from the previous day, after the discovery that
the software was malfunctioning.

• The writer is wrongly emphasising the movement of the event from the previous to the current
  day—the decision to postpone was made on the previous day, not "from" it.

SOLUTION H: Cystic fibrosis is a common hereditary genetic disorder that
affects many different parts of the body.

• "Many" is sufficient for the sense; the reader will assume that they're different unless you state otherwise.

SOLUTION A: These findings posed a great number of many problems.

• Why use four words when one will do?

SOLUTION B: Recent analyses of available historical records show why the
European settlement of Greenland failed.

• Hint: does the opposite make sense—"unavailable historical records"?

SOLUTION C: After the punch-up at the grand final, the NCAA took measures to prevent
major brawls from happening again.

• Try the opposite as a thought experiment: would the NCAA try to prevent brawls in the past?

SOLUTION D: In the year of 1988, there were renewed efforts to boost the
government's popularity.

• 1988 is a year; your readers don't need to be told.

SOLUTION E: For each play, it was up to her to determine what sets would be required
the required sets.

• Simplifying the grammar, as usual, yields crisper, stronger wording.

SOLUTION F: She mostly takes minor roles in a wide variety of low-budget
and major studio studio films.

• The struck phrase adds little or nothing to the sense.

SOLUTION G: These aspects serve to distort some of the elements of the
architecture such as structure and envelope.

• There's a temptation to use "some" to convey the sense of "not all" elements of a
  set. But there's no need, because if you did mean "all of the elements", you'd write it
  explicitly. Thus, "some", as usual, is redundant: just writing "elements" (the plural of "an
  element") means "more than one element, but not all of them".

SOLUTION H: This kind of commercial success was repeated in many countries.

• "Kind of" was intended to broaden the scope of "commercial success" (i.e., "commercial
  successes that are similar to, but not necessarily the same as the one I've
  just told you about"). However, the term "commercial success" is quite
  broad enough already; "kind of" adds nothing useful.

SOLUTION I: More than 300 million Led Zeppelin albums have been sold worldwide, including 109.5 million
sales in the US alone.

• "Sold" doesn't need to be reinforced here by "sales"; this is an "ellision", where "109.5 million Led Zeppelin albums sales"
  is assumed, because we've just read "300 million Led Zeppelin albums have been sold".
• "In the US" is already constrasted with "worldwide"; adding "alone" is an unnecessary amplification.

SOLUTION A: He welcomed the move because it The move allowed him to indulge
his hobby of big-game hunting.

• "Indulge" by itself conveys the sense; of course he welcomed it.

SOLUTION B: The military doctrine has received both criticism and praise from
a wide variety of groups.

• The last phrase is too vague to be useful.
• You could also remove the amplifier "both" if you don't want to emphasise the fact that
  there was criticism and praise.

SOLUTION C: The end of ship-building had an enduring effect throughout the
existence of on imperial China.

• Your readers will assume that imperial China had an existence that spanned time,
  so there's no need to say that explicitly.

SOLUTION D: Additionally, the majority of Most critics gave the film negative reviews.

• "Additionally" is a particularly ugly additive; academics seem to sprinkle their writing
  with these monsters. Use it here only if it's absolutely necessary for the logical flow.
• "The majority of" is unnecessarily precise here, unless you really want to emphasise
  "more than half".

SOLUTION E: The territory's path of evolution has been a challenge for
the government.

• Evolution follows a path in any case, so "path" should not be specified. One reader
  suggested a further shrinkage: "The territory's path of evolution has challenged
  the government." Exactly the right thinking, but always check that you haven't changed
  the meaning, which, here, may now be stronger than the writer intended.

SOLUTION F: Sport is a compulsory activity for all students; teams usually
have training two times train twice a week.

• Sport is an activity, so there's no need to tell us that. "Have training" is a loose
  expression, analogous to "have classes"; in writing, something neater and simpler is
  required.
• Where possible, use one word for two ("twice" for "two times").

SOLUTION G: During a complex history, four local communities have tried to
become the capital over the years.

• "Over the years" adds nothing to what we already know is a historical context.