User:Tokugawapants
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| Tokugawapants | |
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| Birthdate: | May 21, 1978 |
| Birth location: | Johannesburg, South Africa |
| Birth name: | Mobutu Hirohito |
| Date of death: | - |
| Measurements: | 34DD-26-30 |
| Height: | 5 ft 10 in (178cm) |
| Weight: | 120 lb (57 kg) |
| Eye color: | blue |
| Hair color: | Peroxide blonde |
| Natural bust: | No |
| Orientation: | heterosexual |
| Ethnicity: | European Caucasian |
| Alias(es): | Davidson, Jeff |
| [- Official Website] | |
NOTE: The user Tokugawapants is not named Jeff Davidson. However, he has obtained permission from a Jeff Davidson, who has seen this page, to use his name. Furthermore, although it is not clear whether Tokugawapants is describing himself by projecting his own image onto another, Tokugawapants' manner of description provides an accurate portrait of his own psyche. Tokugawapants 06:45, 19 February 2006 (UTC)
Jeff Davidson (Japanese:ジェフ ダヴィヅソン, Chinese: 明太子) is a world-renowned theologian and urologist who is known for his mad hax resulting from his running of Linux off his foot. Jeff prefers to be addressed by his birth-given patronymic, Rōmaikē Autokratoria (Gr:Ρωμαϊκή Αυτοκρατορία). Jeff is also known for his involvement in the reorganisation of the SUN Microsystems class structure, as described in the 435-page Davidian Accords. Note that this Jeff Davdison is related to the Jeffeirankolos Phineus Davidson (Gr: Ιεφηράνκολος Φινεύς Δάβιδσον) who co-founded the Charles Schwabb non-syndicalist principality in southern Timor-Leste and reinstated the Merovingians as territorial barons of real-estate omega battle systems.
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[edit] Physical Description
Jeff can be found in the United States wearing a sweatshirt that says DAVIDSON on it that was apparently a gift from Sunny Lee, Jeff's significant other since summer 2004. Although it was once believed that their relationship ended in the spring of 2005, it has been asserted that their "relationship is still raging like...on...." Jeff is equipped with two horizontally opposed peristaltic pumps running along his spine. Jeff's goat-skin armour is classified as "type B" and is compatible with all unicode fonts. Jeff's garb usually consists of undigested reagents but occasionally he may be found with a dual overhead camshaft. Jeff stands a sexy 6'5" with the cremaster in standard position, although this measure has been observed to change in conditions involving a humidity of over 95.4%. Jeff is rumored to be able to masticate at an average speed of 45 knots.
[edit] Life
Jeff's interests include praising Microsoft and its Windows Operating Systems, and transcribing music from the Romantic Era to the Sousaphone. On any given day, Jeff will name at least 45 different children under the age of 12. Jeff enjoys wiping mounds of dried clay with sanitary napkins. It is rumoured that the olfactory response to such stimuli can lead to short-term memory gain.
Although Jeff appears to have a long life ahead of him, he has already finalised his polymerase investments and begun construction on his mansion at Monticello. Jeff has publicly stated that he "feel[s] uncomf[o]rtable discussing [his] opinions on Sartr[ean] existentialism...," but it has been speculated by limnologists that Jeff maintains "that the reality is merely an apriori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, [and] by the categorical imperative [he] hold[s] that ontologically it exists only in the imagination[,]" suggesting that perhaps he is timid to speak of existentialism because his beliefs do not directly relate to it. On any given afternoon he seems to eat more seven but the interdimensional caucasian imbibes just like a balloon. He has more gout than Pliny, his shoes seem to be quite shiny, and he is known to have his way with spoons. Jeff likes to ride the somber and experiment with wickets, and he doesn't mind weaving on a loom. He takes the greatest timber and mates the tamest subwoofer, and he has no need for slippers on the moon.
Jeff is indifferent when it comes to special rights for the colourblind. Accordingly, Jeff's advanced skill with the Naginata instills much confidence in his public speaking students. Jeff produced Xiahou Dun: The Musical during his 2004 presidential campaign, feeding his lust for NAT protocols and thus leading to the pyrolysis of the Albion (not to be confused with the Albion).
Jeff is sad when the catfish overjumps the R5 bishop on Temujin Thursday, sogging an over-flask overload half. Jeff prefers "taking it to the house" to "leaving it on the counter." Jeff is also mentioned in Stephen King's Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Few people appreciate Jeff's idea of an A440.
[edit] I Want to Be Close to You
Jeff would like people to take it from the platter. He always knows his chowder unless you're talking about Yoshiro Mori. Fortunately, Jeff wrote his living will at the age of seven. It seems as though his liveliness is giving him more than he asked for. To be super idiom is more than sufficient, says he. Jeff tells the people what they want to hear, especially when it has to do with ergonomics and bruxism. Spending his nights in Moscow is a function of his somber attitude towards eczema.
Says Jeff, "Ok, so the cow fell through the roof and offered us a deal. We took the deal, not knowing that we would have to engage in ultimate battle against the heavily armored walrus unit and the Tsar of Ireland. We felt the trees really well, but the glue couldn't shine our feelings like that man did. We ended up circumnavigating the entire principality and then found ourselves in a rucervine deixis licking our feet with oil. I took the onion and held it to my bosom. It was then that I felt the warmth of the lifestream, the amalgamation of all the souls in the universe, filling my veins with glory and light. I was radiating with an aura never felt by man before, emanating an intangible rados, this thalpos, this semnos. Atop the empty hill, in front of the rising sun, my physical being was lifted by a means that was not mortal, solemnly rising into the realm of the clouds and the stars. As my body rose, my heart rose, my soul rose. I was leaving the rest of the world on the earthly terrain, yet in my arms I carried the spirits of every being to ever tread the earth. Up in the highest reaches of the atmosphere, still rising, accompanied by only a septet of doves, the sky was no longer blue; the omnipresent rays of the sun gleamed holiness; the entire universe was a glorious, golden prayer. I did not look down at the world below, for I knew that I would never again set eyes upon the earth. I raised my eyes upward, but I soon liberated myself from sight itself, as all unpleasantness deliquesced, all replaced as I absorbed the energy, the warmth, the life, surrounding me, caressing me, lifting my body ad infinitum."
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[edit] Mathematics
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The examples and perspective in this article or section may not represent a worldwide view of the subject. Please improve this article or discuss the issue on the talk page. |
Jeff is similar to Post-Modernism in Western European communes in the following ways:
- Rheuamtoid arthritis
- PCL scanning
- Having been touched
- Page 52
- Perestroika
- Psybeam
- Hydro pump
- The Role-Playing Dilemma: http://www.chick.com/articles/frpg.asp
t3h d00d is t3h 1337 h4x0r nÁÁbsicle WHAT THE FUCK??!!
what the fuck is this????? whats this shit about him being krinkels and illwillpress? </head> </html>
[edit] Davidian Maxim
"iam bord s o i decided tu make this my internet blog so u can see what i been dun today i made like 45 dollers playing spolitaur for 4 and a half hourss u know liek1 10 bucks and hour LOL i;mbored i named my cat roffles 'I saw you take a shit, now put it back'"
Jeff tries to escape his personal problems from the depths of his own room. Jeff's feline companion is usually present, lending ethical support to Jeff's burgeoning foundation in modern psychology. When faced with an obstacle, Jeff looks to himself and his mentor Linus Torvalds for the truth behind the masquerade of peripneusticity and terpsichorean peccavi. When weighed down by emotional issues, such as rejection by his mother, Jeff likes to practice his calligraphy skills by repeatedly writing out "/server irc.freenode.net" followed by "/join #gentoo" in various fonts.
Jeff started spreading his hand all around the man's face, smearing snot into his eyesockets. He got very angry and his entire body turned read, and his veins started exploding and he began to destroy everything in the house with his insurance policy. Jeff proceeded to bounce on top of the man, polishing his face with a towel. Jeff dove into the bathtub and removed his shoes. The man was nailed to a painting and covered in salt. He was fed apples with fear.
Jeff first stated his maxim during his famous nationwide radio address in 1987: "People of my republic, it has come to my hearing that we are in a state of irrational exuberance. I feel that it is time...we [unintelligible] into the future, for [unintelligible] for our way of life. We must transform [unintelligible] to [unintelligible] ham sandwich [unintelligible] in the event that we may rest in peace. On the contrary, moreover, the will is fleeting like therefore in any case."
[edit] Other Achievements
Jeff Davidson has been secretly creating flash files and posting them onto the infamous newgrounds.com[[1]], a website formerly banned by all schools with access to the internet. Davidson used the screen names Krinkels and Illwillpress to publish the notorious series know as "Madness" as well as the "Foamy Collection", both containing excessive violence and profanity. He has given newgrounds.com[[2]] false profiles, feigning to be a 24-year-old male with an occupation of "shtudent" and a 29-year-old hermaphrodite with an occupation of "doodler", without getting banned from the website for infecting the internet with the dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder) through a leakage of spin π bosons from his body into the electric field of computer in the form of strings in the 11th dimension.
[edit] Literature
Jeff Davidson is also an accomplished writer who has written over 14 novels, including The Man with the Saddened Chair and I Wish I Came Home Earlier: My Secret Refrigerant. Jeff has also written a number of poems. The following contains excerpts from Davidson's "Much Ado About Anything But Methodology for the Unification of Stochastic Network Emulation and XML Archetypes in Markov Modalities to Achieve Optimal Encrypted Latencies in Practical Applications"
Canto I
I can recall the days when I was still an egg
Guarded at the royal palace by the yawning yeoman
That youth from Yorkshire named Yanni
Who donned a yoke to be yanked when my yolk turned not yellow
Yet he yielded to the Yankees picking yams in the yard yonder
My hatching was quite the gory site
Not because of the slime and fluids
Rather! It was the taxes! Hail IRS!
“All egg-borne fledgling hatching in the palace
Shall transfer twenty quibbets per month
To the king’s velvet-lined pockets”
Upon the site of my birth,
My father screamed, “Murder!”
And my mother, “Birth!”
The murder of his youth
But the birth of his doom
For it was I who immediately used
The plastic bag of poliorcetics
To keep the good air from reaching my father
I had a feast
Canto XXII
Senator Frog asked me whither I was going
He seemed like someone who could be my friend
But I grew quite esurient, and his eyeballs
Those spheres of nourishment
I could almost taste
No! Nōn! だめ!
A grim conflict of interests
May all that float on water sink.
A church! A church!
Senator Frog stayed for dinner
Canto XXXVI
Mother of Schrödinger’s cat!
My legs were missing!
To the police I went on suspicion of theft
But with what? I could not walk on such stumps
I travelled with my imagination
Said the detective, “Did you check your pockets?”
What a fool I was
Canto L
Such vulgarities from Lord Frog could not be tolerated
I told the consulates that his expletives meant “AM radio”
I could not play housekeeper for Lord Frog’s dirty mouth
Upon exiting the pork copter, I met a nobleman
I was informed of the terrible secret of space
The ingenious Thane of Ulaanbaatar,
Perhaps too clever, was becoming a threat
His shover robots pushed blind people to the supermarket
And his pusher robots shoved bread down their throats
That witty Thane
How I wished to suck the marrow from his bones
Canto LXXVI
Emperor Frog read a story to the incoming class of ombudsmen
“And I shall grind your bones to make my bread”
He knew not what inner demons he had evoked
But how bad could they possibly be-
It is a world of skinless blood-soaked nightmares
Clattering from the deep for the meat of the guilty!
Canto LXXX
Semaphore, lights, tin, and pomp
A portentous air filled the earth
Shriek did the mongoose, and combust did their bladders
The frog had died
So untimely was his passing
I was at the apex of my career
A newly elected archduke
My untainted mind purged of maladies
Pure enough to command the priests
Billions of souls gathered at the solemn vigil
Empty spirits clad in black
Witnessed a grand cremation
The sinless flames carried His being to the cosmos
Becoming one with the universe
Great leaders usually meet great ends
Fortunately, it was not known that he had drowned in his soup
Canto XC
Cursèd from birth, I felt alien
To a life of balance, honesty, and justice
With superiority, I could reflect on the days of yore
My thirst for blood was behind me
Things change when you’re emperor
Canto CII
A streak of seven months sans cannibalism
How I long for the sweet nectarous fluid of a Georgian dictator
What, ho! The babysitter is here
It better not be Joseph Stalin
Oh no, it’s Joseph Stalin
[edit] Esurience
Jeff is also known for his musical composition, K. 427 Mass in C Minor, Nomike:
| Greek | Transliteration from Greek | Translation |
|---|---|---|
| Νομικέ, ελέησον, ελέησον Νομικέ, ελέησον, |
Nomike, eleison, eleison Nomike, eleison |
Lawyer, have mercy, have mercy Lawyer, have mercy |
[edit] Relation to Russian Political Figures
Jeff is not in any traceable way related to the following Russian political figures:
- Ivan IV (Ivan Vasilyevich, Ivan the Terrible)
- Feodor III
- Peter I (Peter the Great)
- Peter 3.5 (Peter Adams the Mediocre)
- Alexander I
- Nicholas I
- Alexander II
- Alexander III
- Nicholas II
- Alexander Kerensky
- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
- Leon Davidovich Trotsky
- Joseph Stalin
- Georgy Malenkov
- Nikita Kruschev
- Leonid Brezhnev
- Vyacheslav Molotov
- Lazar Kaganovich
- Frol Kozlov
- Yuri Andropov
- Konstantin Chernenko
- Mikhail Gorbachev
- Vladimir Ivashko
- Boris Yeltsin
- Vladimir Putin
- Sergey Lavrov
- Franz Ferdinand
- Joshua Lewin II
[edit] Other Jeff Davidsons
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Jeff Davidson is also the name of a little known movie in which a scrubbing bubble loafs around the potatoes in the sack of gravy. This movie has been described as "intuitively semantic." Many critics have pointed out that Jeff Davidson lacks a protagonist and "middle" (in the beginning/middle/end story form). However, aroused fans support the film on the basis of its original techniques of depicting the human mind as an archaetype for the coelostatistical purgation of legumes. Jeff Davidson is also one of the few films to ever have an official release in sempahore code.
[edit] External Links
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Please help improve this article or section by expanding it. Further information might be found on the talk page or at requests for expansion. |
[edit] As a Wikipedian
Pages edited:
- Oboe
- Something Awful
- Sideburns
- Pokémon
- Kyrie
- Piano Sonata No. 8 (Beethoven)
- Gitaroo Man
- Scarsdale, New York
- Gran Turismo 4
- Reaganomics
- Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory
- Battle of Hakusukinoe
- Generalissimo
- Sunny Delight
- Trapped in the Closet
- Auron
- Kimahri Ronso
- Kobayakawa Hideaki
- Mohammad Khatami
- Mount Takao
- Oboist
- Japan general election, 2005
- Meniscus
- Juilliard School
- TI-89
- Electronic Japanese dictionary
- Clementine
- Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-Tung
- Gazebo
- USB flash drive
- Peterhof
- Grasshopper
- Ice cream parlor
Pages started:
- Tokugawapants
- Louis Calder Center
Interests:
- Something Awful
- Sideburns
- Pokémon
- My Chemical Romance
- Online Self-Typing Competitions
