Thomas Quentin Crimp

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thomas Quentin Crimp is a fictional character from the BBC Radio 4 comedy series Old Harry's Game by Andy Hamilton who is portrayed by Jimmy Mulville.

In life, Thomas was a thoroughly despicable character, who as well as being the chairman of a privatised water company, was utterly without morals. He was born on 18 May 1951, he is a British national and is a Catholic. After a car crash with Professor Richard Whittingham, both men were killed and went to Hell. Thomas went because he deserved to, but the Professor went to hell because he did not believe in God. When he arrived in hell, Satan enumerated his sins in life which included collecting money for orphans and keeping it for himself, voting for Margaret Thatcher and telling people he had given the Liberals a try and cheated on his wife with her two sisters. Thomas immediately tried to trade the souls of members of his own family for his own, which even Satan found shocking.

Once in Hell, Satan took particular delight in devising new tortures for Thomas because he had been so vile in life. Some example punishments were including allowing lobsters to attack his testicles, and turning him to an amoebic dysentery in the bowels of Robert Maxwell.

The Professor tried on many occaisions to bring out a more humane side to Thomas, but inevitably failed. One occasion, after telling him that he thought his wife Deborah was having a relationship with his scientific rival, Thomas almost shows sympathy to the Professor saying that he was sorry to hear that. However, his gross insensitivity soon emerged as he gloated about showing sympathy for the first time in his life by saying "I showed sympathy that someone is porking your wife!".