The Twelfth Man
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- For other uses, see The Twelfth Man (disambiguation).
The Twelfth Man (also known as The 12th Man) is the name for a series of comedy productions by Australian satirist Billy Birmingham. Birmingham, a skilled impersonator, is generally known for parodying Australian sports commentators' voices. As befits the name (a reference to the non-playing reserve in a cricket side), Birmingham particularly focuses on cricket commentators such as Richie Benaud, Bill Lawry and Tony Greig. This is also due to the fact that many of Australia's cricket commentators have distinctive and easily-identifiable voices and accents.
The parodies, released periodically on CD, are designed as a look "behind the scenes" of the Nine Network's cricket commentary. Birmingham traditionally plays all the roles with the exception of minor female characters, such as Richie Benaud's wife and secretary. Benaud himself sends a critique of each CD to Birmingham and is known to have a very low opinion of the recordings, due predominantly to Birmingham's use of profanity.
The 12th Man's most popular song would be Marvellous feating all the main three commentors. He has since released a updated version of the song Marvellous 2006 in the album 'Boned!'. It can be listened to at the 12th Man's MySpace.
A highlight of the recordings is the cricket commentary itself, generally featuring wildly improbable match results - teams scoring 600 runs in a one-day international match, for example. Birmingham is noted for his creation of humorous names for players of other countries, particularly Sri Lanka and Pakistan. Some are designed as thinly-veiled references to the players themselves, such as the Pakistani bowlers "Wasee A-Crim" (Was He A Crim, a remarkably prescient reference to Wasim Akram some years before the match-fixing controversy), "Hafeez Andmissin" (Half His Hand Missing, a parody of Azeem Hafeez who was born without two fingers on his right hand) and "Ahkeep Myteefina Jahbesidabed" (I Keep My Teeth In A Jar Beside The Bed, a reference to Aaqib Javed) and their captain "Ahbroke Meandad" (I Broke My Hand Dad, a reference to Javed Miandad, another is , "Javed Gemiteformeandad" - Jar Vegemite for me and dad) and the Sri Lankan batsman "Ramatunga Downathroata" (a reference to former Sri Lankan captain Arjuna Ranatunga). Others simply parody the general sound of Urdu or Sinhalese names.
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[edit] Commentators and Personalities featured
The commentators (and their respective characters) in Twelfth Man recordings include:
- Richie Benaud - the almost tyrannical Commentary Team Captain, with a penchant for "cream, bone, white, off-white, ivory or beige" jackets and order within his team
- Tony Greig - a balding South African-accented (so heavily that he borders on incomprehensible at times) commentator
- Bill Lawry - Tony's nemesis, a man with an unusually large nose (as a result of a childhood bout with "proboscitis") and an abiding and one-eyed love of the state of Victoria, Merv Hughes, leg-spinner Shane Warne and Australia (which he pronounces "Straya"). A keen pigeon fancier.
- Ian Chappell - a very laid-back man who is incapable of saying a sentence without the word "um" or "ah"
- Simon O'Donnell - a deep-voiced commentator with a similar problem to that of Chappell
- Mark Taylor - a younger commentator nicknamed "Tubby" who speaks very rapidly, constantly chews gum and uses a lot of cricketing jargon.
- Max Walker - the drawling former television personality who stretches a lot of his words and whom nobody wants as a commentator (later changes his name legally to "Mike Walker") He was a main commentator in 12th Man Again, but is sacked after that and tries to get back in to the team throughout the season by any means necessary, like hijacking the commentary box.
Other commentators who have made appearances include:
- Hansie Cronje - the disgraced former South African captain who speaks in a deep Afrikaner accent and constantly tries to have the others bet against him (in a not so subtle dig at his being banned from all cricket for match fixing)
- Ray Warren - a rugby league and swimming commentator who makes a guest appearance calling a cricket match and gets very worked up about it, comparing the cricketers to Ian Thorpe and Grant Hackett (a reference to Warren's famous call of "THORPE, HACKETT, HACKETT AND THORPE, THERE'S NOTHING IN IT!") and the throwing around of the ball between to fielders to rugby league passing.
- Darryl Eastlake - Another Sports Commentator on Channel Nine who tends to scream at the top of his voice at anything. Was fairly prominent in the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. He goes 100% over as a guest commentator as part of a plan from Kerry Packer to get Richie Benaud to stay on. He is said to have never seen a cricket game in his life in the CD.
- Ian Healy - Introduced in The Final Dig?, as he had recently joined the Nine commentary team. Had a very minor role in the album
- Greg Chappell - Ian's brother, who was part of the commentary team in the 80's. Was portrayed as very similar to his brother, often indistinguishable even, and had a tendency to repeat what someone else had just said.
- Michael Holding - former West Indian superstar, a 'guest commentator' whenever the 'Windies' were touring. Portrayed as laid-back, with a deep voice and a tendency to say "Mon" (man) at the end of every sentence (eg: "Richie, I've just gotta go get my walkman, mon!"
- Other Channel Nine personalities (or former personalities) including Ken Callender, John Tapp, Peter Sterling, Paul Vautin, Steve Roach , Mike Munro, Lou Richards, Kerry Packer, Michael Slater, James Brayshaw and Eddie McGuire
- Mark Nicholas - English cricket player and part of Nine's commentary team. He was introduced in the latest release, Boned!. He is seen as the Austin Powers-style character of the team.
The albums Wired World of Sports and Wired World of Sports II focused on the Nine Network sports magazine program Wide World of Sports, hosted originally by Mike Gibson and Ian Chappell, and later Ken Sutcliffe and Max Walker. These recordings parodied not only the cricket commentators, but other Nine sporting reporters and commentators, including the rugby league commentary team.
"Bruce 2000 - A Special Tribute" is another work, parodying Bruce McAvaney with an Olympic theme, with the usual name-punning "The two (Chinese) swimmers, We Doe-ping, and Yae We-won" in good supply.
[edit] Running Jokes
There are also a number of running jokes in the series, often referenced in lines delivered by one or more characters. Many of these have become cult lines among fans of the series.
- Bill Lawry, often argues with Greig during their commentary and punctuates wickets with the line "He's gone! Yes! Got him! Stick that up your arse Tony Greig!" (a reference to Lawry's real-life line "Got him! Yes! Gone!").
- Lawry's love of pigeons is also regularly featured, with pigeons being brought into the commentary box, attracting the ire of fellow commentators, particularly Greig and Benaud, when the pigeons "crap on the scorecards"
- Greig, on the other hand, is well-known for his comment (in both recordings and real life) that a ball has been hit "right off the meat of the bat". In one recording, Benaud informs him that this statement is becoming a stereotype, giving rise to alternative versions such as "Right off the meat...spot...that's the middle of the sweet spot", "Right off the mmmmiddle of the bat - I didn't say 'meat'" and "Right off the vegetable of the bat".
- Throughout the series of recordings, Max (Mike) Walker has been portrayed as a man with anger management issues, bitter at being sacked from the commentary team in the mid-90's. His famous line of "Yeees...Welcome back, welcome back" has often been lampooned, as well as his tendency to describe in full detail the bowlers' actions.
- The increasing number of new camera angles and indicators of conditions in televised cricket is also parodied, with Greig's pitch reports often talking about "Crack Cam" (a camera physically placed within a crack in the pitch) and the "Scrotometer" (a microphone, temperature and sweat gauge attached to the scrotum of the batsman).
[edit] Other appearances
During the 2005-06 Ashes series, a version of Stick Cricket was made available online, featuring commentary from the Twelfth Man. This was returned for the 2006-07 series. It features lines such as "And welcome to the Adelaide Oval or the MCG or the SCG or The WACA or where ever the hell we are" and "Oh Yes! Piss Off You're Out!"
On 8 December 2006, the Twelfth Man was a guest radio DJ on Triple M for several hours choosing the music, providing comments and playing clips from Boned!.
[edit] Discography
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A promotional hits CD entitled "(Some of) the 12th Man's Greatest Hits" containing tracks from the official albums was available from Australian KFC outlets in 2003.
12th Man's new album Boned! officially debuted in the Australian ARIA Chart at #1 on 11 December 2006 and sold 3x Platnium.
| Year | Title | AU | Label |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1988 | Wired World of Sports | #1 | EMI |
| 1990 | The 12th Man Again | #1 | EMI |
| 1992 | Still the 12th Man | #1 | EMI |
| 1994 | Wired World of Sports II | #1 | EMI |
| 1997 | Bill Lawry... This is Your Life | #1 | EMI |
| 2001 | The Final Dig? | #1 | EMI |
| 2006 | Boned! | #1 | EMI |
