The Daily Punctilio

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A Series of Unfortunate Events entities
The Daily Punctilio
Film portrayal	Never
First mentioned	The Vile Village
Possessed by	Editor-in-chief: Eleanora Poe (Geraldine Julienne kidnapped Eleanora Poe and became the editor as an imposter).

The fictional Daily Punctilio is a sensationalist newspaper from A Series of Unfortunate Events, a series by Lemony Snicket.

Contents 1 Background 2 The Staff 3 Articles and Advertisements Appearing in the Punctilio 3.1 Hard News 3.2 Financial Times 3.3 Music Section 3.4 Columns 3.5 "An Announcement" 3.6 The Theater Section: "A Night at the Theatre" 3.7 Other Articles 3.8 Obituaries 3.9 Hypothetical Articles by Geraldine Julienne 3.10 Advertisements

[edit] Background

The Daily Punctilio was first mentioned in The Vile Village when the Baudelaires moved to the Village of Fowl Devotees. From that point on, the newspaper has followed the Baudelaire orphans everywhere during the series. The Daily Punctilio forced to Baudelaires to go on the run after running a story saying they (mistakenly referred to as "Veronica, Klyde, and Susie Baudelaire") murdered Jacques Snicket (mistakenly referred to as 'Count Omar').

In Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, there were portions of Lemony Snicket's play reviews for the Daily Punctilio. He was fired by Eleanora Poe, chief editor, after mocking the acting ability of Esme Squalor in a play by Al Funcoot (an anagram of Count Olaf). He attempts to publish one last article, but is caught by Eleanora Poe. Also, from portions of the newspaper in Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, it is implied that Count Olaf or one of his henchmen changed articles that included investigations by volunteers.

Finally, the Daily Punctilio seems to have caused problems to VFD that are not directly related to the Baudelaires. Geraldine Julienne wrote a series called "Secret Organizations You Should Know About". In the Unauthorized Autobiography, minutes from a VFD meeting, the members discuss where to move as the their current headquarters was once again printed in the article. This is the only mentioned information that the Punctilio printed correctly. It is also implied that a spy was in the midst of VFD, most likely Count Olaf.

[edit] The Staff

• Eleanora Poe

The Editor-in-Chief.

• Geraldine Julienne

The star reporter.

• Lemony Snicket

Former dramatic critic.

• Jacques Snicket

Former reporter.

[edit] Articles and Advertisements Appearing in the Punctilio

[edit] Hard News

(In somewhat chronological order)

Verifying Fernald's Defection

An article by Jacques Snicket explaining that Fernald "Widdershins" burned down Anwhistle Aquatics.

Dairy Burns Down

This article relates how Valorous Farms Dairy, the Snicket mansion, was burned to the ground during a storm, having been struck by lightning¹. There is an illustration which Detective Smith claims is of the Snicket Fire².

¹It was actually burned down by one of Count Olaf's associates dressed in a cow suit.

²It is really of the Baudelaire Fire.

Ship Departs Early!

This article relates how The Prospero left Daedalus Dock three hours before schedule, leaving the passengeres (including a woman named E¹) stranded on the on-ramp. A sailor on the ship shouted out the words "Phase Two²" and "Drat!"

¹ Esmé Squalor.

² Phase Two probably refers to phase two of V.F.D. Disguise Training (Various Finery Disguises).

Bus Arrives Late!

This article is only mentioned.

Arson Suspected in Destruction of Royal Gardens

An article written by Jacques Snicket concerning the destruction of the city's Royal Gardens.

Absolutely No Arson or Any Other Suspicious Thing Associated with the Royal Gardens, which Simply Burned to the Ground and Then Were Covered in Dirt Due to Wind, Says Official Fire Department

An article written by Geraldine Julienne concerning the destruction of the city's Royal Gardens.

No Poisonous Plants Were Removed from Royal Gardens Prior to Destruction, Official Fire Department Reports

An article written by Geraldine Julienne concerning the possible removal of plants from the Poisonous Pavilion at the Royal Gardens before its destruction.¹

¹ Justice Strauss mentions in The Bad Beginning that she is working on a case involving a poisonous plant² and illegal use of someone's credit card.

² In The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, Lemony Snicket believes that this plant was removed from the Royal Gardens, and implies that Count Olaf possesses it.

Murder at Lucky Smells Lumbermill!

This article relates how Count Olaf and a "henchman experiencing hair loss" were responsible for a murder¹, and how a volunteer came to investigate the incident.

¹ Likely, but not stated, to be that of Dr. Georgina Orwellbut a photo of him was shown , thus giving his away his identity.

Accident at Lucky Smells Lumbermill!

This article relates how detectives Smith, Jones, and Smithjones investigated the "accidental" death mentioned in the previous article, concluding that the worst thing about the ordeal was that one of the detectives had spilt his coffee¹.

¹ A rhyming couplet that appears later suggests that the detective's coat was not stained with coffee, but with ink.

Twins Captured by Count Omar

This article relates how Esmé Squalor¹ and the twins Duncan and Isadora Quagmire² have been captured by Count Omar³.

¹ Esmé Squalor ran off with Count Olaf of her own volition.

² The Quagmires are triplets.

³ Count Olaf.

Baudelaire Orphans at Large!

This article relates how the Baudelaire orphans murdered Count Omar¹ and escaped from the Village of Fowl Devotees.

¹ This time, Jacques Snicket (whom Count Olaf murdered).

Baudelaire Butchers

This article relates basically the same thing as the above.

[edit] Financial Times

The only part of The Daily Punctilio which Mr. Poe reads.

[edit] Music Section

The only part of The Daily Punctilio which Vice Principal Nero reads.

[edit] Columns

Secret Organizations You Should Know About

A column by Geraldine Julienne in which she repeatedly reveals the various V.F.D. headquarters.

[edit] "An Announcement"

Eleanora's Announcement

Eleanora Poe writes an apologetic article to the readers of The Daily Punctilio for Lemony Snicket's "rude" articles, adding that she has fired him.

Eleanora's Second Announcement

Eleanora, apologizing for Snicket's last attempt to publish an article in the Punctilio.

[edit] The Theater Section: "A Night at the Theatre"

The World Is Quiet Here/One Last Warning to Those Who Try to Stand in My Way Review

Lemony Snicket complains of how the musical The World Is Quiet Here has been re-done to fit Olaf's scheme, as well as being renamed One Last Warning to Those Who Try to Stand in My Way.

Snicket's Explanation

Lemony Snicket tries to explain the real reason that he was fired, which relates to a secret about Eleanora Poe, but his article is cut-off part-way through.

[edit] Other Articles

Book Article

An article that says the following books are dangerous for children to read:

• Ramona Quimby, Age 8, by Beverly Cleary.
• Matilda, by Roald Dahl.
• Ivan Lachrymose: Lake Explorer, by Vincent Francis Doyle.
• Grimm's Fairy Tales, by the Brothers Grimm.
• Green Mansions, by W. H. Hudson.
• The Coded Poetry of Edgar Allan Poe, by Edgar Allan Poe.
• I Lost Something at the Movies, by Lena Pukalie.
• Nine Stories, by J. D. Salinger.
• The History of Lucky Smells Lumbermill, by Sir [?].
• A Series of Unfortunate Events, by Lemony Snicket.
• Charlotte's Web, by E. B. White.
• Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Telegram Article

An article which warns that receiving telegrams can be dangerous.

Telephone Pole Article

An article which warns that letting telephone poles stand is dangerous, therefore they should be cut down.

[edit] Obituaries

Lemony Snicket, Author and Fugitive

The false obituary of Lemony Snicket.

[edit] Hypothetical Articles by Geraldine Julienne

• Doctor and Nurse Explain History of Knife
• Heimlich Hospital Almost Forgets Paperwork!
• Murderer Attempts to Murder Murderer
• Baudelaire Murderers Torch Paperwork
• Murderers Captured in Unfinished Half of Hospital by Well-Organized Medical Professionals
• Count Olaf Thinks Up Idea For Lion Show
• Exclusive Interview With Count Olaf, Who Is Not Count Omar, Who Is Dead
• Freaks Pushed into Lion Pit!
• Unbelievably Glamorous and Beautiful Woman Complains About Hotel Service!
• Esmé Squalor, the Most Glamorous Person Ever!
• Ballplaying Cowboy Superhero Soldier Pirate Learns to Spit!
• Everybody is Innocent!

[edit] Advertisements

• An advertisement for three-piece suits at a store that only sells Indian rugs.
• An advertisement for the Veritable French Diner at 141 Dark Avenue.