The Cool Wall (Top Gear)

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The Cool Wall is a recurring segment on the BBC2 motoring programme Top Gear, in which Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond decide which cars are cool, and which aren't, by placing photographs of them onto various sections of a large board. The categories are Sub Zero, Cool, Uncool, and Seriously Uncool, and a vehicle's placement has nothing to do with how good or bad a car it is.

Initially, part of that coolness factor rested on the extent to which the presenters believed each car would impress English actress Kristin Scott Thomas. More recently, BBC newsreader Fiona Bruce has replaced Scott Thomas as their notional judge, after Kristin Scott Thomas said in a conversation with Clarkson that she owned a Honda Civic, which was deemed uncool, and preferred a red Bentley Continental GT over the Aston Martin DB9.

The Aston Martin DB9 was judged too cool for the whole wall: it was put in a little fridge called the DB9 Section. Since then, the Aston Martin V8 Vantage joined the DB9 (at least until a footballer buys one). Another unusual judgement was the 2005 BMW 3 Series (E90): the presenters considered it was ugly and just a "lump of car", so they decided they couldn't be bothered to put it on the wall.

There are some rules to the Cool Wall, although all seem to be flexible:

Supercars are automatically uncool or seriously uncool, as there are few cool people who can actually afford them. An exception is the Koenigsegg CCX which is cool on account of its scariness.
Diesel-powered cars are never cool.
Cars owned by any of the Top Gear presenters aren't cool. This applies for uncool celebrities and footballers, as well.
Small French cars, such as the Peugeot 206, are cool.
People carriers are never cool, because they're not cars people want to have; they're cars people need to have.
Everything with a Škoda badge on it is considered to be seriously uncool; the picture of the Škoda Fabia represents all Škodas.

Clarkson often puts the cars at the top of the wall if Hammond disagrees with him, so that the much shorter Hammond cannot reach to change it. For the first time, on the November 27, 2005 programme, the disagreement over the placement of a car on the Cool Wall (the BMW M6) resulted in an actual fight between Clarkson and Hammond that led into the audience and ended with Hammond eating part of the picture. The situation was reversed on the July 10, 2005 programme after Clarkson slipped two discs in his back, and was unable to bend low enough to reach Hammond's low-lying pictures. Hammond has been known to stand on a box to move an offending picture.

After Clarkson placed an order for a new Ford GT, all the Ford vehicles on the board gradually progressed up towards 'Sub-Zero' after it was announced that Ford would be carefully selecting who received the small number of GTs sold in the UK. Clarkson's tactics worked, and he eventually purchased a Ford GT, which of course ended up as Uncool, on the grounds that Clarkson owns one.

Cars can move up and down the Cool Wall depending on new insights and theories as well. For example the Toyota Prius was originally deemed "Seriously Uncool" in an early episode, however in the episode when the car was road tested by Jeremy Clarkson (Season 5, Episode 7) during a Cool Wall update, Clarkson reasoned that if one is looking to attract liberal, environmentally aware types of girls, then the Prius is cool. He did give a warning that at any moment she might wish to be swept away by "Clint Thrust" in a Ford Mustang.

Clarkson is also particularly fond of Alfa Romeo, once making the statement "You cannot be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa –- until you've experienced that rollercoaster of pain, disappointment, and agony for that brief moment when everything works and you're on a nice road". As a result of this, a large number of the Alfas on the wall are grouped towards the "Cool" end. In 2005, The Alfa Romeo Brera's time came to the cool wall, and all three of the presenters agreed that it was not only the best looking car that money could buy, but Jeremy went as far as saying "I only have to imagine this in black, in tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi".

1 Seriously Uncool
2 Uncool
3 Cool
4 Sub Zero
5 Footnotes

¹Never actually posted on the wall, deemed so uncool that the presenters couldn't be bothered.
²Deemed so cool that it was placed in its own "Aston Martin DB9 Special Fridge" past the sub-zero section. The V8 Vantage was also subsequently added to the fridge.
³Removed From Wall^[1]

[edit] Footnotes

^ Top Gear Season 2, Episode 1 2003.05.11. Jeremy Clarkson threw the card away after learning from Hammond that Renault ceased production of the Avantime after selling only "260"

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