Wikipedia:Sandbox In-sand-ity/Archive2

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Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

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Contents

[edit] 50 Things to do in an Elevator

  1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
  3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
  4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
  5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
  7. Shave.
  8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
  9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
  10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
  13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  14. Censored by your son.
  15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
  16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
  17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
  18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
  19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
  20. Meow occassionally.
  21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
  22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!
  23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
  25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
  26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
  27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.
  28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!
  29. Leave a box between the doors.
  30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
  31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
  32. Start a sing-along.
  33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
  34. Play the harmonica.
  35. Shadow box.
  36. Say Ding! at each floor.
  37. Lean against the button panel.
  38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
  39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
  41. Bring a chair along.
  42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
  43. Blow spit bubbles.
  44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
  45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.
  46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
  49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
  50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

[edit] Sandbox

I found this in the sandbox, where I had previously presumed that the hostile circumstances would certainly prevent any intelligent articles from arising. Did that sentence even make any sense? Anyway, seeing it this work of beauty tossed around in the hands of newbies, I knew that the exceptional circumstances that gave birth to it couldn't survive for long and its fragile beauty would soon be gone. So I stole it and took it here. This paragraph is too long. -- Kizor 07:15, 19 Dec 2004 (UTC)

Image:Steyraug.jpg
Sandbox
Cartridge: 5.56 x 45 mm NATO
System of operation: pre-DOS, also compactible with modern OS
Length: 790 mm (31.1 in)
Mass: 3.85 kg (8lb 8oz)
Barrel: 508 mm (20 in)
Rifling: 6 grooves, right hand twist
Magazine capacity: 30 or 42 rounds
Magazine type: detachable box
Rate of fire: 650 rds/min
Sights: 1.5x scope
Country of origin: England
In production: pre-1066

The sandbox is an empty space in Wikipedia. Some contend it is similar to Steyr in shape.

[edit] Discovery

View from Battle Abbey to the field where Battle of Hastings took place
Enlarge
View from Battle Abbey to the field where Battle of Hastings took place

It was discovered in 1066 during the Battle of Hastings by the Edward Elric, a member of the cavalry from the English army. It has been said that the reason the English lost to the Norman is Elric's curiousity of the sandbox. Elric was supposed to help outflank the Norman a day prior to the actual battle but half way towards his destination, Edric saw a computer terminal on a tree and on the screen, Wikipedia's sandbox.

Due to this reasoning, George W. Bush during his college years argued that Wikipedia was first invented long before the creation of the internet at CERN, by his one-time presidential opponent Al Gore. He of course didn't know what he was talking about. In actuality, Bush forced John F. Kerry to do this philosophy paper for him. It is unknown whether Kerry outsourced the work to another freshman at Yale. Nonetheless, Al Gore didn't live in before 1066. One possible explanation to this discrepancy is the existence of a time machine.

The most curious thing about Sandbox is its feature, which is nothing.

[edit] Experiment

Einstein
Enlarge
Einstein

One of the most famous experiment concerning the sandbox was conducted by Albert Einstein. He postulated that the sandbox while it itself is nothing, consists of light particles or photon. Though the experiment failed, it helped him to understand what now known as the theory of relativity.

Almost a century later, Stephen Hawking presented another theory that is essentially contradicts Einstein's postulation. Hawking argues that the sandbox is not made of photon but rather, of nothingness. He is currently active in seeking contribution to fund his experiment.

[edit] Mathematics

The mathematics of the sandbox is relatively easy if Hawking is right. It's zero when it's raining.

However, if Enstein is proven correct, the theory of relativity would prove useful.

The sandbox equation is often expressed as

S_b(x)= \frac{1}{4 \pi \epsilon_0} \int^{\infty}_0 \frac{ sand(-x) + sand(x) }{2} dx

where sand(x) is the sand function, which is weighted in empty, isotropic space as

sand(x)=\frac{sin^2(x)}{x^2}e^{-x^2}

It should be noted that the divergence of water in flat space in the sandbox is zero:

\nabla \cdot \boldsymbol{H_2O} = 0

[edit] Culture

The sandbox has a huge influence on Wikipedia. See Wikipedia:Vandalism.

[edit] Composition

The sandbox in operation outside of Wikipedia. This is a small sandbox with a 3 inch diameter secondary.
Enlarge
The sandbox in operation outside of Wikipedia. This is a small sandbox with a 3 inch diameter secondary.

The sand box is 82% water, 10% sand, 3% sawdust and 5% foreign objects. This fact of course is not inline with both Einstein or Hawking's postulation. Such composition might also means nothingness consists of 82% water, 10% sand, 3% sawdust and 5% foreign objects, if it doesn't rain.

Several theorists insist that the sandbox is in fact 100% light. To complement their insistence that the sandbox is actually light and the fact of the known composition, they created the superstring theory. According to the theory, tiny strings make up everything in this universe. And through that, the stings form water, sand, sawdust and some other objects and these elements, with the right string frequency and amplitude, create the sandbox.

[edit] Satan

From the first week of december, was restored several times after sysops re-added the header and occasionally removed this text:

Sorry about deleting the header but SATAN is more important.

www.wayofthemaster.com

On the earlier Jesus rant:

I believe us Satan worshippers deserve equal time so here goes:

HAIL ALMIGHTY SATAN AND HIS LUCIFEROUS DEMONS. PRAISE HIM!!!PRAISE HIM!!!! REVEL IN PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL ON HIS MOLTEN LEAD FLOOR. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!BE AT ONE WITH HIS PRESENCE!!!!!!!

And....OH HOLY EVIL SATAN. OH DESPIABLE ONE!!!!RING YOUR BELL OF EVIL!!!! OH PUT YOUR PESTULANT PRESENCE ON EVERYTHING PURE!!! KILL ALL FLOWERS AND EVERTHING THAT REPRESENTS WHOLESOME AND GOODNESS!!!!PLEASE RID THE WORLD OF ANYTHING THAT IIIIIIIS NNNNNNOT EEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

My ex wife wants to take my kids away after I told her my beliefs and showed her this page I made. Discriminatory?

I added this: In the biblical sense I dont think SATAN was EVIL. He was simply another ego angel that wanted to control heaven, fought a war with God and lost. The fact that he had half of the angels in heaven on his side must mean that he was no better or worse than God himself. HELL is simply a seperation of yourself from God, and for a christian that is eternal pain. The fiery lakes are poems in the bible taken out of context. Hell itself is simply another plane of existence away from heaven.

Addendum by Someone else: Just testing the sandbox functionality! So... um... yea for good and evil!

I am just practicing. Will delete part of the crap written above.

CRAP?!!!!!! OH NAIVE ONE-THE ABOVE TRUTHFUL RANT ON THE ALMIGHTY SATAN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIS NNNNNNNNNNOT CRAP!!!!!!!IT IS THE TRUTH MY SON,now-BOW DOWN BEFORE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL HAIL.....someone? Who was it again? Oh yeah thats right-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[edit] Notice

Please do not put any biased point of view, even in the sandbox. Really. Seriously.

[edit] See also

Plea: Please don't rake the sandbox. Please test anything below this line. Thank you

[edit] The kingdom of Ra-Sha-Men-Ta


A photo of the infamous Palace of Ra-Sha-Men-Ta.

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of Ra-Sha-Men-Ta, there was a beautiful prince who was guarded constantly by the kingdom's army. The prince felt that he was too confined for a young man his age, and for this reason set out to free himself from the constant attention of his guards. The boy was an amazing artist and superior magician, so knowing of these abilities, he offered to draw a picture of a nearby frog for one of his guards. The guard politely accepted and watched patiently as the boy sketched a frog, little knowing that he had cast a spell that would cause the two-dimensional frog to come to life the moment the drawing was complete. So surprised was the guard by this strange development that he fainted dead away, apparently ignoring his military training and familiarity with magic. The young prince was utmostly pleased with himself, and foolishly made his way to the Evil Woods of Darnkess that find themselves on the edge of any large castle ground. There he was set upon by the wicked Zuux, who loved him, and who had formulated a plan to conquer the universe using the prince's pure and noble soul as the fuel for Zuux's ultimate superweapon. (Sure, the prince was a hottie, but some sacrifices have to be made in the name of world domination.) Far away in the city of Shing-Pow-Ching-Hua at the very edge of the Ra-Sha-Men-Ta kingdom, there lived a brazen and beautiful warrior princess of absolutely nothing named Georgina. Georgina had been out questing for several weeks, and, after rescuing six different young princes from six different flame-breathing dragons, she was bored. Suddenly her trusty sidekick, a cute and cuddly ferret capable of stealing keys of any sort from intoxicated prison guards, burst in the door. "Georgina!" he said in his scarcely-understandable high-pitched ferret voice. "Another prince has been kidnapped -- but this time, by the evil Zuux!" "Oh no! Not Zuux!" Georgina cried. "That fiend! What foolishness is he up to now -- I suppose world domination again?" "Even worse -- UNIVERSAL DOMINATION!" "Universal domination?! What, does he think he can sacrifice the pure and noble soul of, say, Shick-Lee-Zhai of the Ra-Sha-Men-Ta kingdom to the Dark God of Darkness in exchange for total power of the universe? How ridiculous!" "Ridiculous perhaps, but that's exactly what he plans to do! We must stop him!" So Georgina and her ferret Li set off into the Dark Woods which were suddenly not so far away to stop Zuux and save the universe. I think you know the rest.

[edit] Trash template


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[edit] The Early Life of Brian Nichols

Brian Nichols' family
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Brian Nichols' family

Brian Nichols was not of African American ancestry, but was recently found to be of penguin ancestry (please don't be surprised! I have more to tell you). In the cold lands of the farway continent Antarctica, a cute little baby penguin was born. He loved to eat stuff that his mother had vomited out and especially loved the fish-flavored parts of it. His mother had named him Brian. However, one day young toddler Brian decided to go out for a swim without his parents' permission. Even though he was immediately and thoroughly chastised for his mischievous actions, Brian would not listen.

Image:BrianNichols.jpg
Brian Nichols after his transformation!

He obstinately kept going to the beach and swam and swam happily without his parents being happy. Then, Brians' mother and father decided to hire the well-known British sorceress, J.K. Rowling, to temporarily disable his swimming ability with a spell. However, Mrs. Rowling had not practised her magical trick very well and instead, did another one. His parents watched in extreme fascination and horror as their young son suddenly transformed into the dreadful, polluting, anti-penguin habitat, anti-environmental human!!!!!! Brian's father and mother immediately abandoned him and dumped him into the ghetto sections of Antarctica. When he turned into a teenager, he joined the Bad Penguinz gang (the gang accepted him because he was very bad in behaviour). With the gang of big, bad penguins, he commited penguincide, stole snowmobiles (motor vehicle theft), burglarized the local thatched huts, and sprayed graffiti on the walls (in Antarctica, the penguins marked their property and sprayed graffiti by spraying their droppings, not spray paint). "Delinquent" Brian constantly got into trouble with the Antarctica Police Department and was often jailed in the underground dungeons with the ice worms.

One day, Brian got J.K. Rowling to come back to Antarctica. Mrs. Rowling was assigned the task of bringing a curse upon the Ice Ghetto gangsters, who were the rivals of the Bad Penguinz. Unfortunately, she performed yet another act of monumental error. As the world of ice began to disappear, Brian started to scream. He was not in the 'Tarctica hoods. He was in the United States! But things weren't over yet. He quickly adapted to life there and started commiting the same crimes the Bad Penguinz gang had taught him. The trouble is only beginning to get worse..............

[edit] Britney Spears

thumb|300px|

BRITNEY SPEARS
 $$$ 50 Million
Reward $$$

50 MILLION


DOLLAR


REWARD


WANTED DEAD


OR ALIVE!!!


Britney Spears (born September 28, 1987) is an American actress and pop music singer.

[edit] Early career

Spears was born in either Houston, Texas, or Saudi Arabia and started her career at the age of six in the Nutcracker Suite with Columbus Ballet Met in Tora Bora with her older sister, ballet dancer Haylie Duff. She decided to pursue an acting career and appeared in a few television commercials.' Her writing career has not kept pace, however. Her first role was in the TV mini-series True Women in 1997. She appeared as the star of the 1998 video Casper Meets Wendy as the young witch Wendy with the animated character Casper the Friendly Ghost. She later appeared as Ellie in the TV movie The Soul Collector in 1999, winning a Young Artist Award for Best Performance in a TV Movie or Pilot (Supporting Young Actress). She is currently wanted by the FBI. Beware!

[edit] Are you late for Easter Mass?

Saw this in the sandbox on Easter Saturday (maybe some people ARE late for Mass!) :

It's Easter! Time for Mass! Since Mass is being conducted RIGHT NOW, I will notify all Wikipedians that if you are LATE FOR MASS, God shall smite thee with lightning and thunder. Also, blessed are they who are early to Mass, for they shall inherit more NASDAQ stocks. If you are Protestant, same goes for you. CHRISTUS REX EST! HALLELUJAH!! PRAISE BE TO THE EASTER EGGS!!!

  • Also, he wrote this on his user page and in the sandbox:
    • I'm attending Mass now, and I'm using the Internet on a cell phone while others are holding candles and singing. The priest doesn't even see me! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
    • Very funny, but don't add nonsense, even on talk pages, since you may be blocked. Hope you had a great mass, but try to stay off Wikipedia and concentrate on praying during mass from now on. Academic Challenger 05:38, 27 Mar 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Improved version

Image:WikiMedal_for_Janitorial_Services.pngIt's Easter! Time for Mass! Since Mass is being conducted RIGHT NOW, I will notify all Wikipedians that if you are LATE FOR MASS, God shall smite thee with lightning and thunder. Also, blessed are they who are early to Mass, for they shall inherit more NASDAQ stocks. If you are Protestant, same goes for you. CHRISTUS REX EST! HALLELUJAH!! PRAISE BE TO THE EASTER EGGS!!!

[edit] A reflection on vandalism

My friend once told me some guy online told him "Vandalizing Wikipedia is kinda like beating up an invinceable nun." He then promptly left.

[edit] May I edit here?

Can I really edit anything I want?

  • NO! YOU MAY NOT EDIT THE WIKI! NO EDITING ALLOWED!! DrZoidberg 20:31, 20 Apr 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Words of wisdom

The sandbox is getting empty. The kids have taken the sand. Please donate more. The sand was here when I looked before!

[edit] Kangaroo Rebellion

Wikipedia is made up of fascists and liars who refuse to admit the validity of my claim that a very real Kangaroo Rebellion occured in Australia in 1951. Please, everyone who can read this, stand up against these wikipressors and demand the truth be heard come to my talk page if you have any questions regarding the Kangaroo Rebellion. Good Day. My user page can be found at haha u suck(talk)

[edit] Coackroaches v. Frogs

Ed - Is this the first non-human editor of the Wikipedia? So just what do frogs have that we cockroaches don't?

[edit] Burning books

Our books are now burned up on Mars! This is bad!

[edit] Cats cf Dogs

What's in the hat cat?

Well its not a pog dog!

Did I say cat? Yes, really as in cat

Lame. As in, http://www.lame.com

Not like Janie.

When I say cat don't mean dog

[edit] There's nothing in the sandbox

THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS SANDBOXEXCEPT FOR THIS LINE AND THE OTHER LINE --220.253.61.46 08:36, 11 May 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Sandbox traps?

This sandbox is a trap. You can help the sandbox by dropping the ball and taking a two-stroke penalty.

[edit] Fonzie will take your conciousness

>!--

[edit] Leave your consciousness with Fonzie

[edit] Hey Fonzie, gimme back my consciousness

[edit] Come on Fonz, this isnt funny

[edit] What is the sound of one consciousness falling to the floor and being kicked around like a soccer ball?

[edit] Evidently all our consciousness are belong to Fonzie.

Apparantly and theres little we can do...

[edit] 15 Things to Do While Waiting for the Internet to Load

  1. Make a model of the Empire State Building out of papier-mache
  2. Read "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy
  3. Write an essay on "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy
  4. Attempt to find a hidden meaning in "I Am The Walrus"
  5. Annoy your little sister
  6. Sleep
  7. Take a long bathroom break
  8. Switch the labels on soda bottles so you can convert people who drink Pepsi to Coca-Colaism
  9. Have a Lord of the Rings Movie Marathon
  10. Check out the latest Strong Bad Email-oh wait...
  11. Learn how to sing the national anthem backwards from memory
  12. Play Tetris... lots of Tetris
  13. Write a book, preferably one about purple penguins
  14. Listen to "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" 3 times over
  15. Make fun of punk rock music or not

[edit] Pokemon tsesting

  • 1337 pokemon tsesting - A SANDBOX FOR THE POKEMON BECAUSE I AM SO TIRED OF DIGGING IN SAND AND FINDING PIKACHU TUREDS!

[edit] Nice House

Image:Vejle Town Hall 1963.jpg

Hey, nice house!

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