Roy D. Mercer

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Roy Dam Mercer (also known as R.D. Mercer or R.D. "By God" Mercer) is a fictional character played by Brent Douglas on radio station KMOD in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The comedy act, which serves as a vehicle for practical jokes over the telephone, was first signed to Capitol Records in 1996. As of 2006, thirteen comedy albums have been released on the Capitol and Virgin labels.

Roy D. Mercer is a slippery-talking redneck who wears overalls and a John Deere cap. He calls people on the telephone, who are invariably set up by their coworkers, friends, or family members. Mercer claims that the person (or someone affiliated with the person, such as a family member or employee) created some sort of problem (sold faulty goods, said or did something to Mercer or one of his family members, etc.). He says that he's coming down to "pick up a check", typically for about $200, to get some satisfaction. When rebuffed, he gravely replies that they shall "get an ass-whuppin'". An entertaining verbal argument ensues, then Douglas, along with his partner Phil Stone, drops the masquerade and announces the practical joke. Roy exaggerates his Oklahoma accent to increase the comic effect.

The skits typically work so well because Roy's claims are not readily verifiable, especially in the immediate sense. Thus, it's difficult for his victims to prove that his story didn't happen. For example, when Roy accuses a coffee shop of giving caffeinated coffee to his son (who apparently has a nervous disorder, and can only drink decaf), they can't prove that it never happened. Sometimes, victims demand proof of his story; in response, he either offers an ass-whupping, or something absurd like digging up his dead pet and bringing it to them.

The pranks are made so believable by Brent & Phil's uncanny ability to add depth & realism to the story. This is achieved by providing more background details, small and large, than normal. In one skit, talking to a man at the Oklahoma News Network, Mercer claims that the network ran a story about his sister getting drunk and getting into a fist fight at a bowling alley. In another skit, the victim was professional wrestler Bill Goldberg, who, after being accused of signing Roy's son's head with a permanent marker, offered to show Mercer how fake wrestling was, adding "I'll knock your fuckin' head off." Other infamous situational pranks include:

Harassing a roadie with the band Steppenwolf for supposedly kicking his son's friend's band off the stage, after Raymond had traveled to see them.
Demanding that a Manhattan art gallery purchase his wife's macaroni-art homages to famous masterpieces.
Extorting child-support payments from a concert-goer who knocked up Lateesha, his step-daughter.
Trying to get money out of a bowling-alley owner because his son, Raymond, contracted a finger-fungus from their bowling balls.
Threatening to send Sharon Jean down to "whup" a female nail salon owner's ass because Lateesha's fake nail came off in Gravy Train dog food, and their dog suffering from a "perforated colon".
Going after an appliance salesman, because his sister-in-law's freezer broke, and thawed out some frozen semen that she was saving from her dead husband.
Accusing an office building janitor of going in on his wife in the bathroom.
Threatening a car dealer owner with an "ass whupping" for sexually harassing his wife (she wants to see a Ford Taurus when the owner insists that she "check out his Probe", an obviously suggestive comment).
Threatening to "whup" a woman's son's ass for selling his son a stolen tape deck.

While there's no telling how many pranks were foiled by the victims-to-be (and thus, never made it on an album), there are several skits that lose their comedic value, due to the fact that the victims found Roy's story to be absolutely hilarious. "Dead Hamster" features a Navy recruiting office, and the victim couldn't stop laughing. "Horse Feed" features a feedstore employee who similarly bursts into laughter at the suggestion that their horse feed caused Roy's horse to get an erection. However, most of the material on the albums features subjects who buy Roy's stories "hook, line, and sinker".

Mercer has a fictional wife and children who are often a topic of his prank calls. His wife's name is Sharon Jean, his son's name is Raymond, and his step-daughter's name is Lateesha. He was married at least once before, to a woman named Inez Roundtree. His great uncle Jesse Mercer, now dead, was a war hero. Roy's father, Owen, was a long-haul trucker, but is also deceased. The family has a dog named Bon Jovi but lost several other pets due to mishaps, among them Raymond's piano-playing hamster Liberace, who got "squarshed" by a 20-pound weight, and Lateesha's cat, Meow Tse Tung. The family currently lives in a trailer-home (which is infested with, among other things, cockroaches and bad-apple-induced farts). A little-known fact is that his middle name, Dam, comes from the Hoover Dam ("it ain't a cursin'!"); this is revealed in "Ceramic Deer", an unreleased skit that was only played on KMOD radio.

Some famous remarks from him are "It ain't nothin' for me to whup a man's ass," "I'll knock a lung loose", "I'll put a pop-knot on your head big enough to bait a bear trap", and "I'll wipe the floor with ya, then whup your ass for not gettin' up in the corners." "I'd hate to have Sharon Jean come down there; she's as strong as a dose of the Filipino clap" is another famous remark (the last one is typically used for female victims, since Roy says it's wrong for him to whup a woman's ass, but has no problem with letting his wife do it for him). He often asks "How big 'a boy are ya?", which became the title of his first seven studio albums and the first compilation album. Roy responds sometimes that he weighs "about a hunnert 'n forty five pounds drippin wet but I'm purty wiry." Roy is also famous for generously dispensing "55-gallon drums of ass-whup," at no extra charge.